Proverbs and sayings often provide us with wise words from all corners of the world. Best savoured a little at a time, these sayings are passed down from generation to generation. Each Thursday, I post a saying, or proverb and a quote that I find thought-provoking.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
The quotes and proverbs I have chosen this week, relate to friendship.
That eternal concept that occupies much of our daily thoughts.
My daughter is having a crisis of sorts in her friendship group.
It is often complicated navigating adolescence with teenage girls.
The friends of our friends are our friends –
-Congolese Proverb
and this:
Promises may get friends, but ’tis performances that keep them –
Plutarch
(Thanks to the blogger Peggy for the book from which the quote came).
Friends come and go frequently in our life. They are often themed around where we live, what we do, hobbies and interests.
Sometimes friends can be unhelpful or hurtful leading one down a dangerous path.
Fair weather friends are hard to understand.
Moreover, though, friendship is a beneficial experience.
Friends can help a person cope with extraordinary struggle and pain with a simple hug or a welcoming smile.
Friends reflect back society’s attitudes in a softer way, guiding us to where we have gone wrong.
Friends might let one down, but also reassure, entertain and teach.
Friends may live close by or far away..
Friends care.
Why do we feel so heartbroken when a friendship collapses? Commonly, another friend may soon enters one’s life, and when this happens, we then have a wonderful opportunity to meet someone different. Someone with new perspectives and values.
Why, then, is it so hurtful to lose a friend?
What do you make of the proverb and quote for this week?
Join in the discussion by leaving a comment.
Something to Ponder About 
Several years ago my parents and I knew a man who was a hairdresser. He was about my parents’ age and had become a good friend to us; he cut our hair regularly. Aside from a large client base, he also had a wide variety of friends. He’d often stage parties and provide the food and alcohol. Sometime in the mid-1970s he incurred a health crisis that put him in the hospital. When my parents visited him, he mentioned they were among the few that actually took time to go see him. Most of his other friends – including many of those eagerly accepted his party invitations – stayed away.
A friend of mine died of AIDS in 1993. He had a lot of friends, but most seemed to abandon him as his health deteriorated. I was one of the few who stuck with him. He had to move back in with his mother. Her health was fragile, too, but I made the time to visit them and do things for them around the house. His death hit me hard because I’d never lost a friend like that.
This is why the concept of “Facebook friends” is almost laughable. People are entering into online relationships without actually meeting one another; sometimes going so far as to call each other boyfriend or girlfriend. Would these same “friends” help you out if you called in the middle of the night and asked for them to pick you up when your vehicle breaks down and you’re stranded?
Here in the U.S. there’s a saying: a good friend will keep a secret; a great friend will help you hide the bodies without any questions.
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I saw a T-shirt in Italy that said, “F…. Facebook, I have real friends!” Sums up your comment in regard to that social media platform. As for online relationships, they mostly don’t seem to work out, presumably because they don’t really get to know the real person, for which face to face communications is essential for. Then you can read the body language, non verbal cues etc and form a more comprehensive opinion. Occasionally, an online romance appears to work, so it isn’t impossible.
It is hard to reconcile in one’s mind the rejection or abandonment by a friend, or someone you considered to be that. But in relationships, often one side has more interest than the other. How can it ever be equal in every case? We are all so very different. A real friend should be there through thick and thin. – This is an expectation that seems to stem from stories and media. I think you are lucky to have one or two very reliable solid friends, and then there are others, who you mix with but may not be so solid in their willingness to commit to you when you need assistance. Having said that, people are often at different stages of their journey through life and what one wants may not be what the other person wants as well. Is it selfish of us to expect they return our friendship at their expense? Either there is a benefit to the relationship or one side has altruistic intentions if the friendship is indeed genuine.
It can hurt so much when friends betray you. Your idea of who they are does not marry with their actions and a conflict in the mind occurs. One then might feel ambivalent about making an effort to keep the friendship going, or it might even be destroyed completely.
Friendship is such an intangible and dynamic thing.
As for the American saying, I haven’t heard it before. It is a little dark, however, I do understand the sentiment!! Thanks for sharing.
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We suppose the friend of our friends can be friends too… heheh (mouthful indeed), perhaps because of the shared links and interests. And this is also where it can be negative. Since if we are in bad company, then the “friends” in that circle might lead one further astray!
And friendship takes effort. Otherwise it is but mere acquaintances. For time and effort is expended on making it work. Otherwise friends drift apart and become no more than strangers who recognize each other.
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You make two very good points, Mel and Suan.
Friends that lead others astray:
I have a feeling that they know their actions or behaviour is detrimental, however, they feel better if they have company in their duplicitous behaviour. It gives it validation. It gives a sense of community and keeps the friend ‘ensnared.’
I do also like your point about effort. Friendship is an intangible but living thing. A relationship needs to be nurtured or else it will like a plant without water, die. If one side is constantly doing all the work to get together, it seems unsustainable in the long term.
How wonderful are those friendships where the balance is perfect and it works harmoniously.
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Indeed and it is always a two-way relationship.
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Great quotes today. The first one we have already discussed in a round about way. If you are friends with my friend, and I trust their choice of friends which includes me, you must also be a person I would want to be friends with.
I have very few friends. I can count them on one hand and they include my sister and daughter. I have lots of acquaintances. People I will spend time with but not share my heart with. They will not be there in the dark times. I have a couple of online friends that I share my heart with and who have shown up in the dark times. We all tend to follow many of the same blogs as our hearts lead us there. My friend, Sabine was a friend first and a fellow blogger second. We live close to each other and share the light and the dark. She can be trusted and that matters. There is a HUGE difference in friendship an acquaintanceship.
I like the one about promises getting friends but the performance keeps them. I have a young acquaintance that wanted to be friends but she was always tardy for her meeting with me or begging off for one reason or another. Then come and expect me to entertain her for hours. We are not friends and I’ve put a great deal of distance in the acquaintance relationship. Like I said, I only have a few friends and they are a treasure to me. I would never be casual about that relationship.
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Trust! So essential for a relationship. I don’t generally trust acquaintances until they prove themselves, but this also means a person might close oneself off to potential new friendships. Sometimes you have to trust them to move to the next level ie from acquaintance to friendship.
You are very lucky to have those treasured friends.
Old friendships too reach an even deeper sense of trust as they have stood the passage of time and different life stages. What is your view of old friendships, Marlene?
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