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Weekend Writing Prompt – Heartbeat

smoking
Can you smell that? I questioned my husband. More interested in the television screen, his reply was an inaudible mumble.

“Those kids are smoking,” I hissed. “The rules were the rules, after all.” I’d had misgivings about hosting a party for my daughter Kim and her teenage school friends, but she’d convinced me they’d stick to the rules – No smoking, and no bad behaviour.

I peeked outside to where the dozen or so adolescents were sitting and saw one of the boys drag heavily on a cigarette. With my heartbeat hammering in my eardrums, I stormed outside just as one of the lads hit Kim squarely, on her back.  “Right you, get out,” I snapped to the boy with the cigarette still hanging from his lips. Then, turning to the boy who had hit Kim, I blurted, “And you can get out, too! You never hit a girl.”

“It’s alright, Mrs B.” explained one of Kim’s young friends soothingly. “That’s my brother Daniel. It is his way of saying ‘Hello’, because he doesn’t speak. He’s got a disability.”

178 words

Linking to Sammi’s Prose ChallengeIn less than 175 words, write a story that uses the sound of a beating heart for dramatic effect.

My first prose challenge….. three words over is okay, isn’t it?

 

 

27 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Prompt – Heartbeat”

  1. We’d probably let it pass. And after the party, pull the daughter aside and explained that she did not held up her bargain (ie no smoking, no bad behaviour). And decide with her what the consequences will be – it’ll have to sting though to make it stick in her head.

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  2. Great story! Loved the change in perception that is wrought near the end… Those moments are so great, when an insight reframes what came before it so completely. You’ve captured it beautifully!

    Michael

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    1. Oh that means so much that you said that to me, Michael. Thanks so much for reading. I haven’t written much prose at all before, and it was terribly hard to keep to the word limit.

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  3. You had me feeling the story tellers guilt after finding out the boy slapped his sister because of disability communication problems. You also had me wanting to know the outcome. Well done Amanda.

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    1. Oh thank you Chris. It was a first attempt, and fun to write. Miscommunication often presents problem for persons with a disability. We all stuff up sometimes. Even so, this is entirely fictional… 🙂

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  4. Well told, Amanda. The events of this story, or similar, are probably familiar to more that a few parents of teenagers and It’s interesting to speculate how different parents would react. Your version gave an enjoyable read. I could easily picture the indignant mother and I really liked the unexpected twist at the end. 😀

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      1. I am an oldie of 83 years, Amanda. I am with WordPress since July 2011, I joined to publish some of my memories. I like to take pictures and write about things that have been happening in my life. Sometimes I make comments about some health or social issues.

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        1. Wow that is awesome that you are doing that. Well done.I hope my blog is still going in 25 years!! I think you probably have many wisdoms to share with us all.

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