Can you smell that? I questioned my husband. More interested in the television screen and suffering from slight industrial deafness, his reply was an inaudible mumble of agreement.
“Those kids are smoking,” I hissed. Without waiting to hear a response, I continued, “The rules are the rules, after all.” I’d had serious misgivings about hosting a party for my daughter Kim, and her young teenage school friends, but she’d convinced me they’d stick to the rules – No smoking, and no bad behaviour, if I allowed the, “gatho,” to go ahead. An hour or two had passed without incident before their voices became more animated, sharper and rising in crescendo. Then I smelt the smoke.
I did want to be able to trust the kids. I didn’t want to be that helicopter parent, hovering like some unwanted apparition at the periphery of the group. How else could kids be themselves? Even so, the responsibility nagged at me, giving me no rest as the evening progressed. I felt compelled to check things out. Surely, just a peek through the curtains to quieten my suspicious conscience would not hurt?
A half dozen or so adolescents were gathered in an undisciplined circle under the street light’s nebulous illumination. A sudden crimson glow burnt bright as I watched one of the boys drag heavily on a cigarette. With my heartbeat hammering in my eardrums, I stormed outside to confront them, just in time to see one of the lads hit Kim squarely, in the middle of her back.
Completely horrified, I yelled, “Right you, put that out, or get out,” to the boy with the cigarette still hanging from his lips. Then, turning to the boy who had hit Kim in the back, I blurted, “And you can get out, too! You never ever hit a girl or anyone for that matter.”
“It’s alright, Mrs B.” explained another of Kim’s young friends soothingly. “He’s my brother Daniel. He’s with me. It is his way of saying ‘Hello,’ because he can’t speak. He’s got a disability.”
February 2018

Linking to Sammi’s Prose Challenge – write a story that uses the sound of a beating heart for dramatic effect.
Great story.
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Thank you Peggy.
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amazing presentation and enjoyable to read!!
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Thank you so much. I had this one in my head for a couple of weeks. This was the perfect opportunity to let it out
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What happened to the smoker? Did he leave or was he allowed to stay?
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He stayed Gerard. But I wasn’t happy about it.
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This is just a fictional story Gerard. What would you do in the same situation?
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I would have let him stay. I don’t like smoking anymore but I used to smoke and am still somewhat tolerant of smokers . It is not easy to give up an addictive habit.
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Yes, better not to become addicted in the first place, don’t you think? I am an ex smoker who is not so tolerant…..
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Kept me reading. Interesting story Amanda. X
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Thank you, Lorelle. It the first time I’ve participated in a fiction challenge.
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Well done. Keep going Amanda ❤️
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We’d probably let it pass. And after the party, pull the daughter aside and explained that she did not held up her bargain (ie no smoking, no bad behaviour). And decide with her what the consequences will be – it’ll have to sting though to make it stick in her head.
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Wow. Intense story.
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Great story. Felt absolutely true. 🙂
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Great story! Loved the change in perception that is wrought near the end… Those moments are so great, when an insight reframes what came before it so completely. You’ve captured it beautifully!
Michael
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Oh that means so much that you said that to me, Michael. Thanks so much for reading. I haven’t written much prose at all before, and it was terribly hard to keep to the word limit.
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You had me feeling the story tellers guilt after finding out the boy slapped his sister because of disability communication problems. You also had me wanting to know the outcome. Well done Amanda.
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Oh thank you Chris. It was a first attempt, and fun to write. Miscommunication often presents problem for persons with a disability. We all stuff up sometimes. Even so, this is entirely fictional… 🙂
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I realised it was fictional. You did well.
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Well told, Amanda. The events of this story, or similar, are probably familiar to more that a few parents of teenagers and It’s interesting to speculate how different parents would react. Your version gave an enjoyable read. I could easily picture the indignant mother and I really liked the unexpected twist at the end. 😀
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Thanks for taking the time to read my story, Millie. Especially given that your time is stretched right now.Your comment means a lot to me!!
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Great fictional story, Amanda. Sounds very real and makes one contemplate what sort of behaviour is acceptable or may be not acceptable.
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Thanks so much, Auntyuta. I am happy that you stopped by to compliment my story. What things do you like to write?
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I am an oldie of 83 years, Amanda. I am with WordPress since July 2011, I joined to publish some of my memories. I like to take pictures and write about things that have been happening in my life. Sometimes I make comments about some health or social issues.
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Wow that is awesome that you are doing that. Well done.I hope my blog is still going in 25 years!! I think you probably have many wisdoms to share with us all.
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short and powerful!!!
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