dog smelling flower wiht bird
Motivational, Philosophy

Growing More Confident

So many of us seek, even actively chase, a sense of peace and fulfillment. We enjoy the fruits of life that we find bestowed on us, in parochial measure, but can we say that we truly treat ourselves kindly or are content, with ourselves?

Ethereal

Kindness as an act, is something we do in treating and interacting with others. Whatever your beliefs, as a child of this universe, we are all deserving of kindness and respect. It is a fundamental human right.

And yet, we shy away from practising loving self-care towards our own bodies and minds, because it gives rise to feelings of guilt. Or, we see it as some kind of character flaw, a sign of weak indulgence or self-centred narcissistic navel-gazing.

Body Image and Disliking Ourselves

Some of us take this even further developing an intense hatred or discomfort with parts of our bodies, for whatever reason. We seek to change the way we look via cosmetics, surgery or decoration.

We may have been unkind to ourselves over time, seeing ourselves only through others’ eyes. It is all too easy to be hyper-critical of an imperfection, when comparing oneself to others. It is important that we see that this kind of perspective, or lens, distorts the way we think about our own bodies and our sense of self suffers. Over time, these thoughts become hard to shift.

..there is no hurt, no lost or berated part of ourselves that cannot be touched by our own loving kindness. Indeed, little kindnesses towards ourselves made habitual in daily life are enough to turn any tide, bit by bit, day by day.

Meredith Gaston

Whatever we think of ourselves, at this moment, we must not forget that we ARE INDEED unique and valuable to this world.

Countering Anxiety

In apportioning loving kindness to all, we can consciously practice self-care.

Being kind to oneself, on a regular basis, is a useful life skill which can help us more readily soothe and quell anxiety and distress in the face of difficult challenges, or thoughts.

dog smelling flower wiht bird

Furthermore, when we are kind to ourselves, (and others), we begin to see that we are indeed worthy of tenderness and this, in turn, may strengthen not only our own self- confidence, but also feelings of comfort and support.

It is never too late to be kind and loving towards ourselves. The past is gone and the future has not yet arrived. Focus on thinking that will sustain and support you.

Treat yourself with the kindness you deserve.

35 thoughts on “Growing More Confident”

  1. I cooked and had a nice peace of salmon with a salad today and resisted the temptation to go to the big mall and get take away Chinese and whoop it up without having to cook. (seeing it was Father’s day.) It take discipline and strength to live by oneself, not neglect household duties, keep an eye for ridges that collect dust, behind the bed or next to the fridge.
    I suppose some might think that all this is a kind of self-love. I don’t really take myself all that seriously. I am really not that important.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are important in your corner of the world, Gerard. Your family and friends surely think so. But I like your point about discipline when you live alone. It is vital. If there is noone to check your progress on a task, it is easy to let time slip by. Keep on dusting those ridges, Gerard.

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  2. Thank you Amanda,beautifully you articulated about being kind to ourselves.Sad part is the world is highly influenced by social media and everybody started comparing with others including our neighbours.So always there is some disappointments and in the process one is harming oneself.
    Your post indeed an eye opener.
    Enjoyed reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always would like to lose 5 kilos. I have been wanting to lose that for about 8 years. I did lose most of it, but spent that year going to the gym, which made me more hungry and cost me the gym membership fees and several sports injuries. I accept those extra 5 kilos in lieu of that. But don’t want anymore, and I notice 1-2 more since I retired. Obviously eating more now that I am at home and not restricted to what I can take in a lunchbox. Did you find that when you retired, Peggy?

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    1. For you, Lisa, growing up in a critically slanted social world, it is immensely important that you can distance yourself from the egoist b.s. on social media and the reality for you as a person. Acceptance of self and then practicing regular kindness is a way through the maelstrom of stimulus publicly ‘thrown,’ at us every day. The message are: We must perform, we must achieve, we must strive. It is emotionally exhausting to receive those kind of messages each day. Stay strong!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha. I love it, Jen. That gave me a laugh. It also reminded me of my first Nursing Educator. Can you imagine a slightly rotund, very intimidating, stoic spinster Nursing Sister? That was,”Sister Boulder.” Scary, and bould/bold! Thanks for joggin my memory and the laugh. How are things going in your part of the world?

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    1. Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if everyone practised a single act of kindness each day. Can you imagine how that would compound and grow? It is a shame humans have this tendency to become dog eat dog, don’t you think, Janis?

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  3. More than once in my lifetime I have had to field the question ‘Who is the most important person in your life ?’ The oblivious answer “Me, of course’ has oft been regarded as somehow selfish and uncaring towards everyone else . . . But what earthly right do I have to expect that anyone else would put me above themselves > That surely would be illogical and selfish ! I was taught at a very early age that to love others I had to be at peace and love myself first . . . looking back I know this to be true ! Be content with yourself knowing you are far from perfect . . . and pass your ways on to others for them to find enjoyment of self and others without a constant need for debilitating self-analysis. I am quoting Michelle O rather than the Buffoon: ‘It is as it is’ 🙂 !

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  4. I have company for 2 weeks and having a hard time staying with anything because we are going in too many directions at once so I didn’t get to leave a comment. You are absolutely correct. If I spoke to friends or family the way I speak to myself or treat myself, they would all abandon me. Being brought up in the “don’t be so full of yourself” area, we were not taught to think we had any value other than what we could do for others. I’ve seen people wear themselves completely to the ground doing charity work and not spend one moment taking care of their own personal needs. At some point, you have nothing left to give. So I’ve been practicing being kinder in my words and actions with my own body. I give now but not at my own expense. The kinder I am to myself, the kinder I can be to the world. Tough lesson though.

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  5. I do wonder why those who are hell-bent on burnout, do it to themselves. The charity might be tge winner but they could benefit from slightly reduced hours long term than maximum input over the shorter term. I remember one lady I knew became obsessed with her charity she forgot to cater to her children and husband. They drifted away. She couldn’t see why….
    You, “give now but not at your expense. The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you can be to the worlsd.” This is correct yet many fail to see that. I think the popular concept of raising children to think of others first and ‘self,’last was misguided. In this worls, such advice is not enough to get through life successfully. We have to be more assertive and protective of personal boundaries ootherwise it is more than just us that suffers or misses out.

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    1. You are who you are, PVCann and you are enough. Don’t even think you aren’t. Sometimes we hide behind eating sweet treats and it has the opposite effect to what we desire – to make ourselves feel better.

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        1. You know, we who live in your “future,” never think that! But my Scandinavian friends will from time to time make the same comment. The planet is big. It does take time to spin around! I am merely conscious of the time differences and the difficulties that sometimes presents to us who live at the bottom of the world!!

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          1. Quite understandable. I have a very good friend in Malaysia. She sleeps during my day, and gets up in my evening. But she thinks of her time as “her time”.
            I can imagine your Scandinavians friends thinking that.
            I also think of the time it once took for a letter to get to your neck of the woods in the 19th century. A few months back and forth for an exchange with your family back in England? Or Denmark?

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