blogging

How to Deal with Internet Criticism

Forestwood

Carol Burnett once said:

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

Carol Burnett

Carol’s quote came to mind recently, when I received some strongly-worded criticism in response to a post I’d made, on a social media group. Whether my words were truth or lies, seemed less relevant than the individual opinions of the responders making the comments.

It seemed some people relished an opportunity to vent their spleen, albeit in an anonymous way.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

Normally, I’d be a little rattled by heavy-handed criticism, but I’m no longer surprised by being hammered with a critical counter-argument, at least on social media.

And yet, in distancing myself from reacting to the negative commentary, I began to feel like some kind of stone-hearted internet troll.

Aristotle was unsurprisingly philosophical about criticism:

“There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”

Aristotle

I wondered should we ignore all negative feedback and scroll on, or respond to critical comments? If so, how?

Criticism of others’ opinions via the internet, and indeed, cyber-bullying, itself, has seemingly reached pandemic proportions. Thankfully the blogging world is mostly immune to negativity, but it did make me wonder how others dealt constructively, with heavy-handed criticism.

An American Politician, Sam Rayburn once said,

Any jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build it.     

www.wiseoldsayings.com

Marc and Angel advocated creating space between hurtful words and feelings.

“Accept that someone else’s opinion is NOT your problem.”

“How you seem to someone and how you actually are, is rarely congruent.

Even if they get the basic gist of who you are, they’re still missing a big piece of the puzzle. What someone thinks of you will rarely contain the whole truth, which is fine.”

Marc and Angel

A measure of acceptance that we are all flawed and that we are all different, is echoed in this anonymous saying from wiseoldsayings.com

Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but having faults different from your own.  

Perhaps we can all agree to disagree?

Have you experienced reactive negative criticism on the internet to a post you made?

How did you handle it?

Is there a better way to respond?

Published by Forestwood

A philosophic Aussie writes here at StPA, one who will readily admit to loving Scandinavia. I'm interested in global politics and what drives us to be who we are. Scratch the surface and you'll find a practical Environmentalist with an egalitarian bent, trying to unleash a little creativity via the written word. Scandinavian culture, literature and traditions are close to my heart, even though I'm Australian. Travel and courteous discussions greatly broaden the mind, so I travel if I can and am always up for a vigorous, respectful discussion. I'm an avid reader, a writer and I enjoy photography and crafts, particularly traditional art forms. I hope you'll find 'Something to Ponder About,' in my WordPress Community.

124 thoughts on “How to Deal with Internet Criticism”

  1. Ik it really hurts reading hurt comments on the internet. But just remember, for one person badmouthing you, you have so many supporters who will stay by your side🌻💖
    Stay strong💗

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      4. Words take on that life of their own, as Carol said. That could be so, but then those words stay on social media too. I think ToonSarah was spot on. Many of the nuances and cues of the person’s face and non verbal language are missing from social media and this can lead to confusion of intent. We spend more time waffling on, or at least I do, so hopefully folks get the intended meaning.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. They most likely would not like to be on the receiving end of the comments they may have slung around. When others criticise, it is often saying more about them, than the person they are criticising.

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  5. Thanks for sharing. I usually ignore. If it’s hate speech I block the person. I want to maintain a safe space.

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    1. Maintaining a safe space is importantl That is essential I think. Many teens do not have the skills or fortitude to deal with hate speech and absorb it as truth.

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    1. I think we can keep an open mind and listen to them. But we don’t have to take them inside and interpret them as hurtful. The intention behind the comment is quite important as well, Maurodigital.

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      1. Well…i almost agree with with. The problem is: would you still take an personal insult as a costructive comment? I would love to talk with haters, but if someone insults me? It’s pretty hard to be nice in this case…

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      2. Very true. Personal insults are hard to stomach and one feels instantly on the defence. But is it deflecting from the real issue? Do they engage in personal slights because they want a reaction? I think I would ponder the personal insult at a later time to see if there was anything I could learn from it. Context is important.
        Silence too can be powerful when faced with someone who is determined to argue.

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      4. That is okay- you don’t have to apologise. This is a perfect example of me probably not articulating my real intention. If the insult is something like a racist taunt, that is unacceptable. How each person deals with that depends on a wide range of circumstances. Many long running disputes have been triggered by a lack of respect of sensibilities. People often err. We are imperfect. We have to allow people the chance to redeem themselves. But then, I am happy that you disagree with me, because then I might learn something from you about why that is.

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  7. So sad that people feel the need to pour on criticism. Constructive criticism is one thing, but bullying comments are an entirely different matter.

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    1. I think many people have not had the example to know what constructive criticism is, Peggy. More examples are needed so people can model that behaviour to others and it can spread.

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  8. I have so enjoyed (tI) reading this post. I will most definitely be reading it (aa) again and again. see criticism in two ways: being the positive person that I am, i will look at the person it is coming from and think about it. but the second is coming from the negative thoughts of a dissatisfied person and I will largely choose to ignore that. Ignoring criticism is not easy, for it can hurt feeilings.

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    2. I think you are right in saying that negativity comes from dissatisfaction. Sometimes also from a feeling of being unworthy or inadequate. Rather than face that feeling, we might criticise the other in an atttempt to bring them down?

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      1. Yes. It happened to me in my first marriage. I was critisized and humiliated by my ex-husband so that he could hide his low self-esteem. Controlling me made him feel big and strong.

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      2. I am sorry that you had to go through this, Appeltjie. I am glad to hear that he is now an ex-husband! I had a similar experience with a fiance, but it was also physical abuse, and it took some courage to leave. But, I never looked back. It was a character building experience that noone should have to go through. It is both interesting and sad how it is the usually innocent partner that has to be denigrated by the perpetrator, so that they feel the light shines better on themselves. It is the opposite for they show their weakness and lack of respect and empathy.

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    1. We can’t expect that everyone will agree with us all the time can we Jane? So much energy is given over to convincing others that our opinion is the absolute right one and we try so hard to convince them. Why? Let them have their opinion – it may be different for a very good reason. We have not walked in their shoes so who are we to say it is wrong or not justified in some way. We do not have all the information yet we make judgements.
      Thanks for the link Jane. I will definitely take a look.

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  10. I believe that if you haven’t got anything positive to say, then just keep quiet! Obviously some people don’t adhere to our etiquette Amanda! Before I turned to blogging, I used to post detailed reviews of places I’d visited on Trip Advisor but I stopped because I sometimes received negative comments mostly about silly things like why I suggested taking a train from an airport when a taxi was on hand, etc.. The WordPress community are quite a different bunch and I’m yet to come across anyone who isn’t polite. Long may it continue.

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    1. I have heard that mantra of keeping quiet unless you have something nice to say before, and it is a good mantra to have, Marion. I don’t know exactly why blogging is immune to negativity, but I am so glad for it. I am surprised that Trip Advisor suffered from the same venting that afflicts facebook. I am wary of getting too involved with Twitter or Insta for the same reason. The Twitterazzi seem particularly vicious.

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  11. Paul always says that what people think of him is none of his business. I kind of get that. I guess if you think of it as none of your business you don’t even think about it. I’m not quite as good at ignoring things like that as he is though. I’ve received a bit of criticism in an indirect way for mis-spelling some words. (In fact I was indirectly called a Moran that shouldn’t have got past grade 3). I unfriended her on Facebook, so she unfriended me in real life. No big deal, she was becoming tiresome anyway, constantly having drunken rants on face book when she couldn’t sleep. And in real life there was a constant, look at me, going on. It was a friendship that had run its course I guess.

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    1. Not our problem and none of our business what people think of us. I wish I had of known that when I was younger. It would have saved a lot of heartache.
      Re your friend – It sounds like it was a necessary but painful break up. Sometimes you need to reinforce those boundaries, firmly. I don’t think misspelling words is any kind of serious crime and belittling someone because of it is well just sad. It may reflect more about why the friend reacted as she did, as she was feeling inadequate herself. As much as we like to continue most friendships, many seem to have a life expectancy and attempting to redeem them has mixed results.

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    1. That is true. They need to take ownership and responsibility for their negativity, but they should not be made to feel guilt, for that perpetuates their sadness. I must remember that as well, for at times, I allow negativity to creep in to my life and it has a detrimental effect on my mood. Noone needs any more negativity than what they can dish out for themselves, Now more than ever be.

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  14. I avoid social media altogether. It’s not worth being subjected to the hatred and bullying. You can find me ONLY on WP and even here I am very selective where I go and who I comment to. Others’ hatred and putrid attitude is not of my world. Simple.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that you have experienced what appears to be an onslaught of negativity from social media. But you are definitely not the only one. I guess a lot of things in modern life is we obtain instantaneously, or as soon as possible. Their reaction too, if instanteous. If they paused to think and reflect, do you think their reactions may be less antagonistic?

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      1. Right now I see a purging of negativity in order for those who are purging to make room for the GOOD that is in all of them. My inner guidance told me to get off FB, Twitter and IS years ago. Now I know why. What is happening now is not for me but for those who fight and who know not peace in themselves. A time will come when love will touch them, and when it does, they will come to understand how exhausting it is to maintain negative low emotions. No one can understand love until they know the opposite. This pandemic of fear shall pass. (smile) xo

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      2. Exhausting is a fitting world to describe those maintain negative low emotion. They are often tired and depressed themselves and the negative circuits in the brain become reinforced. Those who vent their spleen at others via words on a screen exhaust themselves too.They are also somewhat cowardly in their anonymity. They don’t have to face the consequences in person so say more than they would have normally. Rather than feel inadequate or unworthy they denigrate others from a distance.

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  15. Well done. I was chatting with my sister about how some folks are just looking for a fight online. I love the Aristotle saying.

    Let me add one that a friend and guidance counselor used to tell her high school students. “You are the boss of you. Don’t cede your power to anyone, especially someone trying to provoke a reaction. If you do not take offense, you are not offended.”

    I just love her words, even more especially since she passed away early. It is my tribute to her to remember them. Keith

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    1. A touching tribute to someone who was working hard to make a difference to the way teens intereacted on the net. She made a great point about taking offence. Sometimes we are a little too sensitive about trivial things. In a day, a week, a month or a year, what seemed important today will be insignificant then. Why bother ourselves about it when it does more harm to us than good. Self – control may develop from this notion. Don’t give away our power – indeed. She was very wise.

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  16. Wonderful read Amanda,
    Thank you.
    Loved the quotes.
    One has two choices
    Either react to the negative comments at the cost of our peace of mind or just ignore and move on.
    My health is important and prefer the second choice.
    How about you?
    “Sometimes easiest way to solve a problem is stop participating in the problem”. Jonathan Mead

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for Jonathan’s take on the issue of criticism. Stepping away is a solution but with cyber-bullying, a different approach may be needed.
      I think being combative is not good for one’s health and they are probably doing more harm to themselves getting all worked up. This knee jerk reaction is highly emotional isn’t it, PtP?

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      1. No need to be emotional and get into aggressive mode. After all trolls are doing what they are supposed to do.
        By keeping calm and ignoring them,you are not giving them any opportunity to continue the tirade to their disappointment.
        Bullies don’t deserve our explanations.
        None can depress you without your consent right?

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      2. A good thing to remember, PtP – you give bullies permission to get inside yoru heads and depress you. But if you are weakened in your resolve, they seem to know the buttons to push to get you to react, or they resort to physical abuse. If this is a child, some authority figure does need to step in.

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  17. Pingback: Reaction to hate speech – two posts from today | musingsofanoldfart

  18. A timely post – not because I have myself recently received criticism (although of course it has happened in the past) but because I recently had to moderate a disagreement in a Facebook group. One member felt she had been bad-mouthed by another, but she had misunderstood the comment because it was badly worded. I think that can be a real issue in social media – people tend to be brief and in doing so can skip the nuances that would make their comment clearer and seem less sharp.

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    1. Clever you articulating a common problem, Sarah. Misinterpretation. With only the written word, we lose a lot of cues to interpret speech via non-verbal language, which comprises a large part of our understanding of intent. Emojis help a little in this regard, and I guess in blogs, we can enunciate what we intend to convey in more words than on a facebook post. Thus, we have much less problem with abuse or harassment. Thanks so much for your valued comment. I do hope the Facebook group has settled down?

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  19. I’ve never had a problem with people disagreeing with me. I remember my father most adamantly telling us that he would defend at all costs a person’s right to disagree with him. HOWEVER, and it is a big however, that does not excuse abusive, belittling, hateful speech. I have unfriended a few of my own relatives because they seem to want to spew nothing but vicious, nasty, hurtful comments. While I have plenty of time in my life to listen to differing opinions, I have no time in my life for that kind of meanness, and nothing I could say could change it.

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    1. Thank you, Dorothy. I think you raised an important issue here. You cannot easily change another’s opinion, no matter what, if they are convinced of their righteousness. When emotions comes into it, the ears effectively close down and they hear what they THINK you are saying, not what you have actually said. We all need to draw boundaries with certain people, even our family if necessary.

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  20. Oh, yes! I certainly have. Repeatedly from a “friend” I have never met. He vents on what I have posted, and I respond firmly to disagree with what he has written. I do this only once, and I let him know I will not be engaging with him any further on the subject. I feel that to continue the conversation just feeds into his bluster. But to not respond at all seems too passive, a sort of acquiescence. The line, for me, that will be crossed is if he starts making racist comments. Then I will block him. But so far he hasn’t.

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    1. Ooo. It sounds like he is walking a fine line there, Laurie. I agree that one needs to say something to avoid being seen as complicit or agreeing, but I love that you remain calm in your resolve. Racism is always a red flag!

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  21. When I first started blogging I had a few flying monkeys who’d leave comments, anonymously, to tell me that I was a horrible person. It was fascinating because they’d react negatively to anything humorous I’d write– not to the content, just to the fact that I have a lighthearted way of writing. At first I tried to explain/reason with them, trying to prove my good character. But eventually I blocked them via their IP addresses, realizing that their opinion of me was of no interest to me. 🤷‍♀️

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    1. Do you think they were trying to bait you into a discussion, Ally? It matters not, anyways, as these people clearly did not ‘get’ your style of writing, one I very much appreciate. More fool them!

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      1. Could be that they wanted to see if they could get me riled enough to react negatively. I figured [eventually] that some people have no sense of humor so you gotta just forget about them. It was an odd situation, but also taught me to not allow anonymous comments. Lesson learned

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      8. I was a bit sad when Myspace closed down. I don’t think wordpress is going anywhere soon, but it does cast a slightly insecure slant on our writing, even though our posts will always appear in internet archives.

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  22. When it comes to social media, I find there is a very thin line between a difference of opinion and outright abuse. Everybody’s opinion differs, it’s one of humanity’s greatest strengths, if done constructively. Social media offers people who may have no outlet for their own problems, the chance to vent their own frustrations on others, and do it anonymously.
    When I encounter these unfortunate people, I tend to pity them.

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    1. I think compassion is good choice to react to such distress, Hermit Dad and many thanks for your valued comment. Humanity does needs diverse and differing opinions to get anywhere. How would we move forward if everyone agreed with each other? It seems unrealistic to imagine such a world. But it is entirely possible to imagine a world where disagreement is celebrated, not punished! We would all be happy to hear a different opinion to ours. Goodness I wonder what Parliament would be like then?

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    1. Recognizing the difference between fact and opinion, is crucial, Khurt. Every experience is entirely individual and cannot be exactly duplicated. We all may see a similar outcome but our reasoning will most likely be different. That is the wonder of the world. Facts are different beasts to opinions. Could we say facts are truths and opinions mere thoughts?

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  24. As I do not have the time to post my own blog I have usually seen untoward unpleasant comments from the sidelines. Often I feel quite sorry for the writer as he/she could not possibly be having a peaceful and happy day. On the other hand on a few occasions I have been picked out for adverse criticism for my comments . . .naturally never pleasant initially, I have reacted in differing ways 🙂 ! About 18 months ago I became vehemently attacked on a ‘healthy food’ issue by a rather well-known but seemingly unhappy food blogger . . . I was furiously sent to a doctor for my lack of knowledge . . . unfortunately I could honestly and quietly say I was both that and a nutritionist – the lady’s fury rose to fever pitch and then deletion of the whole brief to-and-fro !!!! Unfortunately she felt she had to call me offensive names three months down the track ! it happened on a blog just posted by a person I truly thought to be a friend. My natural reaction surprised even me . . . I just let the lady be and she has been perfectly polite towards me ever since . . . the ‘friend’ who did not stand up for me just sending copious private notes he was a ‘meek’ man who could not possibly lose a reader lost my trust and ongoing respect . . . methinks we all learnt something . . .

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    1. That sounds very unpleasant, Eha and alludes to something another blogger was writing about. Misinterpretation of words. No matter if this person misinterpreted the response, what was the point of them blasting you with Name-calling, except to satisfy her own ego? It says more about her own self, doesn’t it?
      Angry people, in general, haven’t been listened to and feel unworthy in many ways, and the fury they feel when they feel others don’t understand their point of view is real for them. But rants help no one. And create such bad feeling. Is it worth it? Not likely. Food blogging can be a real trigger for disputes it seems. I wonder why?

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  25. I believe Carol Burnett’s comment came amidst her lawsuit against the “National Enquirer” in the early 1980s. They had printed a story stating she had been drunk at some social event. They retracted the story – as required by California law at the time – but she persisted with the suit; claiming their allegation was still tantamount to libel and therefore, blatantly illegal – regardless of whether or not they printed a retraction.

    I feel the Internet is one of the greatest inventions, next to air conditioning. But, as we all very well know, it’s riddled with traps. Still, once you comment publicly on something, you can’t take it back. It’s out there. It’s akin to scattering a pillowcase full of feathers into the wind and then trying to pick them all back up. Criticism comes with it. Don’t let your mouth write a check that your butt can’t cash!

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    1. I do agree air con and the internet are among the greatest inventions!
      That has to be the first time I have heard that last adage about the cheque.
      Is it a Texan saying?
      Thanks for providing the backstory on Carol’s quote, Alejandro. I had no knowledge of that and took her quote at face value. Like Carol, I have an issue with newspapers printing falsehoods, just to gain headlines and then later retracting the claims, when, (or if,) someone complains.
      Some of the mud still sticks, doesn’t it?
      Mostly because what first is a big headline accusation, then becomes a small print retraction, buried in the back of the newspaper somewhere. Many will not see this.
      Did Carol win?

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  26. Hi Amanda, I am sorry you had to deal with an anonymous vent. Kindness takes less energy, yet causes a ripple effect more than we ever realize. Aristotle’s quote is thought-provoking. Differing opinions can be given, yet it is how they are presented. I think you and I have discussed before how we both respect Marc and Angel. I love the quote you give here. You remind me again of “The Four Agreements” one of my favourite books of all time.

    Your wisdom shines through here, too, Amanda “Perhaps we can all agree to disagree?”

    I could say try to ignore the negativity, yet, in reality it affects all of us. Difficult to ignore. You always have a great deal of good to offer your readers. Continue to hang out with the good ones. The rest, try for “…water off a duck’s back.” xx

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    1. I try to source different views on common difficulties but Marc and Angel explain things with examples everyone can relate to. They are brilliant.
      Often there is an underlying thread such as the need for respect or mindfulness that continues to crop up etc. The quotes and sayings as well as the bloggers who comment here are the real stars. They have so much inspiration to give.

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    1. It will go nowhere to argue and achieve nothing. People rarely seem to xhange their attitude or minds in a conflict. The adrenaline released in the body prevents the reasoning part of the brain from having any input, PvCann. We appear to be fixes in fight or flight mode, not thinking and analying mode.

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  28. I like that Aristotle quote! He’s is so right. If you never put yourself out there, you will never attract criticism. But, do you really want to be (and live) invisible? Sharing thoughts (blogs, books, posts) is part of who we are and that means growing a thick skin too. Not everyone agrees with us and you can’t make everyone happy. That’s life. Criticism, unfortunately, is part of that. Hopefully, it happens in a respectful way… I find it hard to ignore and try to choose my battles, without letting it affect my mind too much. 🙂

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    1. Criticism is a part of life, Lisbeth. One that makes compliments all the more sweeter!
      Yes Aristotle saw that too. If we crawl under the rock, we only see darkness and fungus, and must step outwards to see the light and have new experiences. Forcthat we might need a thicker skin.
      Noone has a dream run in life all the time, so we must expect the challenges that come along will be opportunities to learn something that we do not know, as painful as they might be sometimes.
      Creating some distances between hearing and taking the criticism inside and our emotions can help. Do you know what I mean?

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  29. In my first year of blogging, I commented (I thought positively) with my interpretation of someone’s poem. The poet was somewhat irate that I had wrongfully construed the poem’s meaning. Personally, I never specifically translate my own poetry. I feel, like even an abstract painting in a museum, each reader/viewer will render their own meaning, which makes it more satisfying to myself.
    Art

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    1. A thorny issue, Art. Interpreting and critique of art. I think most artists would agree that the eye of the beholder determines what is in the artwork and it always amuses me when I see an art doco where a painting of famous artwork is dissected. How did they know the painter meant for people to interpret it that particular way? They don’t. A friend had a son-in-law who won a Moet Chandon art scholarship to study art in France and his paintings were very abstract. When she asked him about a particular painting he got huffy and suggested she just look at the painting and decide what is there. So one is damned if you do and damned if you don’t with artists! The poet may have been inwardly dissatisfied that they could not convey what they intended to convey in their poetry. It does not matter – if they poem was important for you interpreting it with a particular slant, all is well. It may even have been beneficial for the poet to learn of other nuances for their work.

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  30. Hi, this is horrible. Until recently, I got very positive comments on my blog posts. Not about what I wrote, the man just used the opportunity to write his own opinion on my blog. I feel that it is my personal space, so I just changed the settings to manual again. Then I can personally approve every comment. And I do not even read his any more. He starts normal, and then he becomes extremely rude in stating his own opinion about topics I do not touch. I think he is a troll, not the person who do not approve his words any more. It is horrible, and I feel horrible for just deleting his very rudely stated opinions. I wonder if others also feel like me – my lounge, I decide on the atmosphere in my lounge. He has started several blogs, stated his opinion rudely and deleted it when people reacted in the same manner. Now he tries to use my blog to make horrible statements.

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    1. That is strange indeed, Christa and I think you must follow your gut impression if you feel something is wrong. Rude comments are rare in the blogging world so he may indeed be trying to get some kind of knee jerk reaction. Best to beware. I like how you say my lounge – I decide. Do not worry about using delete. That is what it is there for. Do you get a lot of spam, generally speaking?

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  33. Well as much as I would love to take the advice on hate speech, I sometimes want some sort of feedback. I get none. I don’t even know it’s reaching people who might like it .. great article btw 🤗

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Apurva and your welcome comment. I usually visit blogs if readers have taken the trouble to leave a comment or two. It seems courteous to say the least. I must miss one occasionally but it is expected when you get to senior years. How long have you been blogging?

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      1. Yes. It takes effort to create words foro all the thoughts. I understand some kind of appreciation or feedback keeps up the confidence to write. I have started writing from Almost 2 months now. But I have took an year to actually make it work

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      2. That sounds very sensible. Give it a year and you may well be addicted, like me, but in a nice way. Don’t concentrate on followers, but rather a nice community and hopefully comments along the way.

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  34. Now I realize why this page has been open so long. It took me down a long thread of thought. You always manage to get to the heart of the matter. Any jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build it was a quote that was worth copying and I did, then got lost like the butterfly that I am. I have a file of quotes from Marc and Angel as well probably decades old. We are apparently meandering a similar path in life. To be a better human has always been my goal. There is so much good in this post and the comments that I know I will always end up spending more time here than at many blogs. I had a few hurtful comments in the beginning and almost let it stop me in my tracks. Then I decided it was either more about them than about me or I was misinterpreting what I read. I learned somewhere early on, (certainly not from my parents) that if you can’t say something nice, keep your mouth shut. Criticism is always unwelcome on it’s own. You are already a very wise woman to understand that the issue is usually the person offering it. Happy November, Amanda.

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    1. Thank you, Marlene but I fear you think I am much wiser than I actually am. I still have to work hard at the getting of wisdom. It is a W.I.P. The posts are a way of reinforcing what I have read and learnt and hopefully they might also create a spark in someone else somewhere in the world that needs to hear it too.
      If you and I can spread kindness in the world and help during our lives, then we can be satisfied that we have lived well and fruitfully. Like you, my parents equipped me with very little emotional ammunition or protection. I was wise enough to quickly realise I needed more knowledge or I was going to sink. I still find it incredible that I am able to gain so much from just a few words quoted on a screen. You have been a big part of that journey, at least in blogging, Marlene. I so appreciate that and I can’t imagine why or how someone would find fault with your blog writings. Again though, if we think of the criticism, in terms of it actually being about what is going on for that other person, it is a lot easier to stay strong, be objective and not feel rejected/insulted/hurt. Often that is exactly why the other person is being mean, because ironically they are angry/rejected/feeling hurt about something. That might be related to you and it might not. Only they know. If they don’t make the connection of their emotional reaction with the inital trigger that was the cause of their mental pain, that mental pain they feel doesn’t extinguish but gets deflected or passed on to other or even sometimes is turned inwardly towards themselves via self harm or substance abuse. I wish I had known this 40 years ago!
      Happy November to you my dear friend. Thanks for a fantastic comment.

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