blogging, Motivational

An Unusual Request

Forestwood

My daughter wants me to write her a letter. Not just an ordinary letter.

She wants me to write a, ‘death’ letter.

Yes, a ‘death’ letter. I assure you this is not a Halloween gimmick. My dear daughter has requested that I write a letter specifically addressed to her that she might read, after we pass away and are long gone. She explains that it will be a comfort to her in her grief.

Do you think it sounds pretty morbid?
It is Halloween, so perhaps death, morbid thoughts, and hauntings, (in the spirit of fun), are in people’s minds. Is it appropriate to think a little more about deathly topics at Halloween?

So now, I face a dilemma re the content of said letter.
What would/should I put into a ‘death’ letter?

  • Heartfelt platitudes?
  • Advice on dealing with tough challenges?
  • Lifestyle tips and tricks?
  • Encouragement that she no longer needs us?
  • Practical suggestions?
  • Things I lamented and how I dealt with them?
  • Unfinished business?

What would you put in a ‘death’ letter?

Have you heard of such a thing?

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Published by Forestwood

A philosophic Aussie writes here at StPA, one who will readily admit to loving Scandinavia. I'm interested in global politics and what drives us to be who we are. Scratch the surface and you'll find a practical Environmentalist with an egalitarian bent, trying to unleash a little creativity via the written word. Scandinavian culture, literature and traditions are close to my heart, even though I'm Australian. Travel and courteous discussions greatly broaden the mind, so I travel if I can and am always up for a vigorous, respectful discussion. I'm an avid reader, a writer and I enjoy photography and crafts, particularly traditional art forms. I hope you'll find 'Something to Ponder About,' in my WordPress Community.

146 thoughts on “An Unusual Request”

  1. Indeed an unusual request. If were to write a death letter for my child I would fill it with memories. I would write stories of significant events between us from my perspective and how I felt at that moment. I would cheesily write love 365 so they know they have my love for every day of each year from the time I have already gone.

    Have a good haunting! Happy Halloween!

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Hey Kalvin! Those are great ideas. I think love 365 is a beautiful concept and I will include that for sure. Writing memories of my daughter’s early years would be something that they do not remember for themselves, so I think peppering the letter with those stories could make it special to read. Thanks for your suggestions. Are you planning to celebrate Halloween?

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Unusual ? It would depend on her current age . . . This would have to be a letter you kept current to my way of thinking – ie would rewrite every few years putting down your latest thoughts . . . I would mainly and honestly put down what you feel you did right and what moves may have been errors . . . what things at the end of the journey had been important and worth the effort ., . . and which others may have been somewhat of a waste of your days . . . somewhat of a ‘confession’ of happenings she probably could remember . . . and how you saw such afterwards . . . . in other words a love letter of teaching to one of the most important beings of your lifetime . . .

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I probably should have mentioned her age. She has just entered her twenties! Yes I will keep this letter until I am no longer here as that is what she has requested. It is not much good having a death letter that is read before one dies! Teehee.
      I love that you suggested: to write the things at the end of the journey that had been important and worth the effort. If I should be so unlucky to suffer with demetia, documentation of such things could be especially vital. Equally important is some advice on what not to waste your time on. “A love letter to one of the most important beings of your life.” Eha, that is such a powerful turn of phrase and it is actually true. She is so very special to me, and I think the world of her. I guess most Mothers think that of their daughter, but I have so enjoyed being her Mum and I would not have wanted to experience life without her. She has been my little mate when young, a confidante when older and besides my husband and other kids, the one person I feel closest to in all the world. I wasn’t close to my mother so perhaps it is more important because of that? Were you close to your parents? (Seeing as you moved countries, this might be relevant)?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No two life stories are alike . . . and much in those naturally is both private and inexplicable . . . I was born late to a couple where the father could not wait and a mother who would much rather not have gone thru’ ‘that nuisance’.. Rather naturally an only child 😉 ! I was to do rather well – a wonderful father I adore decades after his death, a father-in-law who understood every nuance of my being and two priceless aunts, two of seven ‘extras’ in the family, who were there every inch of the way . . . reading what others have written by now . . . after one has gone methinks it is important for issue to have an honest understanding of what went before . . .

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The comments have been excellent and show that this is a novel idea that could be made one’s own in so many different ways. Better of course to tell people how you feel about htem whilst they are alive, however, the basic premise of giving comfort to the grieving still stands I think. My daughter probably qualifies as a late baby, as the other boys were much older when she came along.
        You were lucky you had two very interested and significant Aunts. They are invaluable assets when a teen and sometimes you need to speak to a loved adult who is not one’s parents.
        Thanks for the beautiful written comment, Eha. Will you write one now?

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  3. Where to find the stash of cash or family jewels that are in a safe place. The actual secret of making that great meal you cook. The password to your blog so she can send us a message you have sent to her for us.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. If only, Brian! No such stash here, more’s the pity. The secret to the great meal is a secret I hope I have already imparted to her. Even though she hates cooking, that is something I have instilled in my kids. How to feed themselves. Some were better at it than others. The password for the blog? I have included that in a death ‘file.’ Funnily enough, I mentioned the blog when we spoke about this. I hope that the blog will be somewhat interesting to her. None of my family read it presently, so who knows?
      Do you think it is morbid to prepare for such things as death even though it may not take place for many years, (here’s hoping)?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My kids only occasionally have a brief look at my blog too. But I hope it will be abit of a legacy for for them to read one day after I’m gone. I wish I’d had a diary to read of my mum’s after she’d gone.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Yes, this is my reasoning for writing some kind of letter, I think. Some comforting words from across the grave, so that whilst reading those words you feel again a close connection with that person. Has you Mum been gone long, Chris?

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  4. In one of our blog groups’s challenges, we wrote a letter to a much younger oneself. After a few rewrites I just started writing. About my challenges in life, how it shaped me and where I am now. I also needed my mother to write down the family on her side but it never got that far, so please include your family tree. And she wanted the details surrounding her birth.

    Death for us is not a morbid thought. I was once told that my carotid artery was on the verge of bursting, I would not survive a trip home and was put in ICU for 3 days. So I was completely conscious, not feeling sick at all apart from the soreness in my neck and thus had time to ponder death. Now I am not scared of death at all. In fact I am looking forward to heaven, being a firm believer in God.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Faith can be comforting for many and no doubt helped you stay calm and recover well after your ICU adventure, Appeltjie. I have no such belief in the traditional sense, although a universal force of hope is something I may appeal to, in desperate times, for my own sanity. Neither do I fear death in itself, only the awareness of dying.

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    1. I doubt that my daughter would write one to me. This is for her to assist with losing us and she is not one inclined to write or read very much. I could ask her to video something – that seems to be the young people’s major method of communication.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I do indeed. She is my reason for being, and such a kind and sweet soul. Life hasn’t always been easy for her, but she perserveres. I admire her tenacious spirit, even though she would not think herself brave, she is a courageous person. Would you consider a death letter to a loved one?

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      1. I’d never thought about one, but I like the idea. Who doesn’t wish they had that last chance to say things to a loved one? (Of course this is the Dearly Departed speaking to the Newly Grieved, not the other way around!)

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh Good. I am glad you like the idea Doug. Yes. But we must be disciplined to write it. Otherwise, it will be a “gunna” job as we say here in Australia. I am ‘gunna’ ( going to ) do it some day, don’t you think?

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      1. If I put aside the time, yes, I would write a death note. Right now? No. The children and grandchildren get my emails and links to my posts, and one of them keeps a copy of them. My life and my interaction with them is there. They know I love them, because I tell them all the time. This is not the same as a death letter, but it’s all the time I have right now.

        Will you find it fairly easy to write such a letter?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. No, I won’t find it easy to write, Anne. I am sure I will re-write it many, many times. Maybe I should update it each year as a kind of New Year’s resolution, as life changes so much. If I write it now, it may be out of date in five years and no longer relevant?
        I like that you are focused on the present rather than the future. You sound like one of those warm, doting Grandmothers that everyone wants for themselves.

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      3. That’s a great idea to write the letter and revise it from time to time.

        I’ll admit to being a doting grandmother. Granding is so much more fun than parenting. I have several daughters, sisters, and a grandson who are related by heart rather than blood lines. It’s marvelous that we don’t have to limit love to relatives.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. She must have created it herself. A few years ago she bought me one of those memories/family tree kind of books where you write various titbits of dates and personal likes. A letter is more personal and isn’t contrived, so I think that is why she prefers that format.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I think it’s a wonderful idea. When I was quite young and a single mother, I wrote letters to my children in case something happened to me. I still have them, and I’ve written more recent letters to my children and grandchildren. There are not advice-filled pages, I just expressed how delighted I am to have them in my life, and for each one of them I wove in all their wonderful qualities. My only advice is write the letter on stationary not the computer; when my brother died, he told my niece he left letters for us all on his computer, only he forgot to leave the password…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh that is a good point, Dorothy. Hard copy and computer copy may cement the possibility of finding it. But one thing concerns me about stationary – if she knows I have written it, she will be tempted to see what is inside. Will that ruin the effect it is intended to assist with?

      Liked by 1 person

      2. I know my daughter could not help herself but read it beforehand. It would have to be in a secure location and then I would have to tell it where it is, so she would seek it out…. now I have a dilemma about how and where to keep it.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. One special letter I think should be this and I will have to summon all my strength and fortitude to write neatly. Neat handwriting has never been my strong point. I used to consistently only scrape a pass in “Copy Book,” at school. My daughter has beautiful handwriting like her Father. They should have been signwriters! I think I will write one a year on New Year’s day and compile them in a book/folder. Then a special one that is encased in an envelope with extra special words of comfort and love. (and the password to the computer – lol).

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  12. I would write a letter that gives lots of details about family history as those things are so soon forgotten in a generation or two. Because of who I am, the letter would probably be expanded into a little book. My mother has been dead for 12 years, and there are so many things I’d like to ask her about Waterville, the the small mill city where I was born, and about our family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We rarely appreciate family stories or history as we hear it, Laurie. On reflection months, or years, later, the small details get a bit jumbled and lose accuracy. So chronicling facts and stories is a perfect way to share them. My parents are still alive, but I would like to ask my grandmother about her father’s life in Denmark. I am so curious. I can read about social history but there is nothing like a personal story to enrich the imagination. I plan to write all the facts and figures in hand as a retirement hobby producers? I hope it gets done with in the next twelve months.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Actually that’s a a lovely idea for her but a bit sad for you ..you could maybe just start writing one of those books dear mum from you to me ..I bought my dad one and each page has a question at the top

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t seen those but I could probably make something of my own along those lines. Thanks for the suggestion. I like that idea, Ali. Yes it was a bit sad thinking about her grieving when I am gone. That is painful to think about.

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  14. I have thought of this before actually. LoL!!! Only because of movies like P.S. I Love You. By the way is a pretty good movie.

    And I have heard of people wanting a to confess everything on their death beds. Ummmm why? You held a secret that long, keep on holding it! It’s pretty selfish to say something disturbing, potentially hurting others, destroying lives even, and you just pass on. You don’t even stick around for the consequences.

    I always assumed I would give knowledge as much as possible, like what I have learned that was hard to learn. Maybe so the receiver of the letter didn’t have to learn as hard as I did.

    Also, lots of love and praise. I wouldn’t want my death to affect anyone in such a negative way where they are contemplating if they were good enough, or wish they could tell me something one last time. We say and do things as we grow up that we probably should apologize for, or at least reassure certain people that we love them and did.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for such a great comment, Laura and I agree I wouldn’t want my death to adversely affect another.
      I love this: “We say and do things as we grow up that we probably should apologize for, or at least reassure certain people that we love them and did.” I was reflecting on some earlier times last night and those words resonated.
      You are right that when people confess things, on their death bed, that will spin out others, they do not stick around for the consequences. I wonder if it is because they wish to unload their conscience in preparation for the afterlife, or whether they always wanted to tell someone, but never found the courage and when time is running out it has to be said then and there? Are they thinking of themselves or others? I would not incorporate anything emotionally explosive in a death letter as this is a letter that would be read at a really vulnerable time of grief.
      I haven’t seen that movie you mentioned, but that might have been where my daughter got the idea of a death letter from. I will ask her.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your comment back made me smile. My life is full of those moments where I know I need to apologize.

        Of course if I were to be writing something to my daughter I wouldn’t fill her letter with a bunch of apologies. I would want her to re-read this letter over and over again to gain strength and encouragement. So maybe I would show her strength and fearlessness some how.

        I guess you have to ask yourself, what do you want your daughter to get or feel when she reads this letter and probably over and over again through the years you would be gone.

        Then, how are you going to show her that by writing this one last final letter?

        My letter would be a million pages long probably. I always say way to much to explain a simple topic. My kids are used to that by now though.

        P.S. I Love You is super cute romantic comedy with Gerard Butler, Hilary swank, Kathy Bates, Lisa Kudrow, and Gina Gershon. I would recommend watching it if you like romantic comedies. I always look at the actors and see if I like the actors before I watch any movie. If I like at least 1 of the actors, I’m pretty sure I would like the movie.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Strength and fearlessness – that is an essential component. I can see me writing this and re-writing this many times. I think I will write one a year – and this accounts for changes that occur with time. If I write it annually, I can say more, address current events and maybe include some examples of problem solving. If it is a compilation each year, she would be less tempted to read it until I passed.
        I will have a look at that movie. Thanks ever so much for all your suggestions, Laura. That have made me think about this more.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Perfect!!! This letter is turning into your living memoirs. I love it! I’m contemplating something similar. Either way I’m sure your daughter will love it.

        Great Post!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I’ve never heard of a death letter, but I can understand the reasoning behind it. My mother didn’t do that but she did leave me some handwritten family stories in a three-ring binder. I found them after she passed, and they were comforting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lovely to hear that you have those precious hand written stories. I have seen people print tea-towels from hand-written recipes from their Mother. I wonder if you will do something special with them/frame them etc, or just keep them as a sentimental memento, Ally?

      Liked by 1 person

    1. A death letter that could become a diary. Not a bad idea. I think I would have to write it on the computer, as my handwriting is not so neat and she finds it hard to read….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Death letter sounds brutal! Nothing like a hand written diary which can be cuddled or placed lovingly under a pillow – where every page talks… computer docs lose the personal touch and may never be retrieved – unless you print in advance! This is my view. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good point about diaries being portable and if hand written, the emotion can even be felt in the handwriting. It seems more personal than something typed up in a particular font.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. I think it’s a good idea, and something i know I would be doing if I had a terminal illness. But thinking about it, life itself is terminal, so perhaps it’s something I may do anyway. I remember when my mum died I had so much guilt about the things I never said to her (and some of the things I did say). I would tell both my children that they mustn’t feel guilt at similar things, because ‘we mums know what runs deeper than words and deeds. We know that one day it’s only the important things that our parents instilled in us, the things that mould and shape us into who we are, that’s the things we remember.’ And that’s the things she’ll end up remembering about me once the guilt is gone. Amanda, have you thought of writing a letter of gratitude to your mum first, a letter of gratitude for anything you learnt from her, whether it be by copying her, or deliberately learning from her mistakes and not copying. Whether we like it or not, our childhood definitely shapes us, It may help you write the letter for your daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is food for thought, Chris. I am not close to my Mother and she would not think much of that kind of letter. Don’t get me wrong. She would say it was nice, but I think she would not appreciate the sentiment behind it as she is very elderly now and past such emotional thinking. But that doesn’t meant that I shouldn’t write it, as it could be good preparation for my own letter, as you say and very helpful for my daughter to understand the very complex relationship between me and my own Mother.
      Great idea, thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I take it your mum is still alive Amanda. I wasn’t close to my own mum when she lived, but some time after she died I realised a few truths about myself in relation to our relationship. My shame at where I came from was uppermost in my thoughts when she lived, but after she died, long after, the pride in her humble abilities, and what she actually passed on to me surfaced, and with it the guilt. Guilt because I never acknowledged her life and what she was up against when she lived. She too had her story! I’ve inherited her love of gardening. And I inherited her ability to make a tasty, nutritious meal out of very little. My mum had a lot of faults, but she was a survivor. I know I’ve learnt that from her, and if times ever get tough, it’ll be what I learnt from my mum that will see me, and mine through.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. My letter to my daughter would be simply read “I love you.”

    I don’t know how old your daughter is but feels more like her asking to want to know you better while you’re alive. Like there is part she feels like she’s missing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She is under 21, Ryan. You might be right but I do know she is mortified at the thought of not having living parents. This has worried her for some time, so I think she is concerned at feeling alone.

      Liked by 1 person

      4. I have heard of the Sars although we had none of that here. I could also well understand that Covid is a mutation of SARS and that Covid may not be conquerable in that sense as it will keep on mutating. Best we bolster our immunity and keep washing our hands!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Healthy levels of micro nutrients inhibits it’s ability to reproduce allowing your immune system to naturally control the virus. Take a multivitamin and go for a walk everyday.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I prefer to get my multivitamins through food where possible. I used to take a variety of vitamins, and it most certainly helps. Vitamin c in particular was great for Upper respiratory health. Walking is something I do daily too, and concur with you there. It is great for the mind body and spirit.

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  20. It’s an unusual request. I think I understand the sentiment behind it. I’ve read lovely stories about terminally ill parents who wrote letters to their young kids, for future dates when the kids were older. If you’re not suffering from a terminal illness though, I wonder what you’d want to say in a letter that you wouldn’t say in person?

    Maybe though, your daughter wants to have something to remember you by, expressed in your own words. It’s a common motivation for writing memoir stories – to capture in words & essays, expressions of your life. A letter may be too short for that and a ‘death letter’ too morbid. My suggestion would be to start writing down your memories, and in your letter point to these stories of your life. You’ve already started doing this in your blog. It’s a natural progression.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do agree it is a natural progression to write some kind of memoir when you have a blog, Sandy. And I think I will do this. It could tie in nicely if there is some moral or theme/message behind the story that I am aiming to convey to my daughter. Gerard published such a book from his stories which were posts on his blog – for his family. Gerard has some funny stories. I don’t think you follow him but if you want to you can find him here: https://oosterman.wordpress.com/

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  23. I don’t have children, but I find your daughter’s idea perfect! Lots of good suggestions in the comments. You’re a writer, so I’m sure you’ll come up with a wonderful death letter. Mine would be extremely long! 🙂

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  24. Although it seems like an unusual request I have actually thought of doing this before. I think it will be very sweet to read later on! Maybe you can include some of your favorite memories and inside jokes! Happy 🎃👻🍬 Halloween!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Again….another post I’ve come across that makes me think of my oldest, 25 years old….recently and suddenly passed away in Sept. My Jace always kept a journal….always. He had such a gift of writing, art….a heart too big and trusting and a very special and unique bond with me. Anyway, he was always making cards and writing letters to me…to his 3 younger sisters and father too, actually. Recently I’ve skimmed through a few of the hundreds of composition notebooks of journals. Some of them seem partially written in or they’ll be gaps of empty pages….well, I’ve found little messages or prayers, some letters (one or two addressed to me that were never given to me), drawings….just a random page among several blank or forgotten pages….it’s almost like a reminder/memo letting me know how much he loved, appreciated and cared about me (similar to how you describe a death letter). My grief counselor encourages me to read the journals and the letters and notes given to me because it is definitely a way to grieve. I don’t think I’ll ever go a day without shedding a tear (or a hundred) but, when I’m reading those little messages….those tears are different.
    I think it’s a good idea. No matter if the letter is heartfelt, funny, of memories….it really doesn’t matter because it’s just a piece of you that will be remembered and treasured.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could not agree more Aimee. You sound like an incredibly strong person. Crying is a good release of tension and sounds totally justified in your situation. Let the tears flow. Your son’s writings are a piece of his heart he left behind for you. I will write that letter and in fact I think I will start right now. Thank you for prompting me to get motivated to start this project.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 💛
        I’m really glad that you’ve decided to do it. When it comes to writing and music, to me and my Jace anyway, it felt so personal. Certain songs, the way my Jace wrote…you weren’t just hearing and listening, you could feel it…if that makes sense. That’s why I had to reply for you to do it.
        Thank you for thinking I’m strong. Believe me, I feel quite the opposite lately. I’m completely broken and lost. I think our whole family is. My Jace was truly a unique character in every way, the glue that bonded all 4 of my kids together, the calmness and laughter that filled our home.

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      2. I have no doubt he was a huge part of your life and it must be extremely difficult. And that is so very very sad. The vivacious ones are so often destroyed or taken from us. I have a musician son, who is not and will never be the person he was. His spirit is crushed and lost and he along with it. May you find the motivation to continue and preserve Jace’s memory and legacy. It sounds very important that you do so. We may grow old but those who are gone remain forever young and alive in our memory.

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  27. Please, do it! I am very recently and heavily grieving the loss of my oldest who passed suddenly in Sept. He was only 25 years old and pretty much journaled since the age of 4. His gift for writing was incredible. He also liked to make cards and give letters to me and now they are my most treasured gifts beyond life itself. Recently, I’ve just been skimming through random journals where some seem to have several blank pages. Within those seemingly blank pages I’ve found a 3 page letter written to me, a few random prayers, funny drawings and other things just jotted down. Finding something so personal written down, in my opinion, is almost like him speaking to me, reminding me that our bond and love continues. I mean, it’s not the same as having him in person but….it’s always there for me to read. I don’t think it matters if it’s heartfelt or funny or just random memories that you write….it’s a piece of you that she will definitely treasure and can share with her kids and her grandchildren.

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    1. Aimee that gift of his writing must be a double edged sword. So wonderful to have a record of his thoughts and writing but sad that he is no longer there. And taken so young is gut wrenching. However, it sounds like you have found a way for those gifts of words to be comforting for you and I admire you greatly for that. I doubt that there will be kids or grandkids but for her during her lifetime, it might be helpful and a way for her to feel I am and was thinking of her, always. A mother’s love is so strong isnt’ it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, very strong. In fact, so strong I don’t think there’s words that could ever describe how we love and care about our children.
        I am grateful for the hundreds of journals he kept. I don’t read them all. I really don’t have to to know the bad times because he told me everything! Sometimes I’d have remind him that I was his mother but, he would just say I was his best friend and hero. Besides the journals, he always wrote me and others letters or made cards. Right now, it keeps him alive almost. I know that might sound stupid or crazy but, I’m just not at the point in my grief to accept this. Yes, I know he’s gone…it’s very hard to explain.
        Btw, sorry for the double responses from me. I am very tech/computer “challenged”…..VERY lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No problem with the two comments. I once told an old boss who was struggling with loss to kid himself his Mum was still alive until he felt ready to accept it. It wasn’t make believe, just giving his mind time to come to terms with it gradually.

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  29. Woow.. that is a tough letter to write. I think it should make her smile and not sad..it should give her hope for the future and fill her heart with love for you and for life.
    But I think you should ask her how she would like it to be

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a beautiful sentiment, Ann Claire. Give her hope for the future nad not make her sad, filling her heart with love. If my letter can fulfill that criteria, then I will have done my job well. Thanks for sharing a younger person’s perspective. It is greatly valued.

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  30. It is odd and yet very heartfelt. I say this as a mother and having lost mine at very young age. As well as my own father passing a few years ago. Perhaps, if they had left some form of goodbye I would not wonder if my accomplishments had mattered. Truthfully, I think it would be a blessing for you to put to paper how you feel and see her. It’s a chance for you to leave a memory that will live on. ❤

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    1. I haven’t stated it yet but comments like yours make me think I should do it sooner rather than later, Kira. Your accomplishmenta always matter! Do not think anything less of yourself.

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      1. My own child has asked me many times if I am proud of her. Perhaps, I should create one of my own for her. She has grown beyond what I had ever accomplished and that alone gives me a pride that I know lives on in her. I’m glad I started to follow you. ❤

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      2. Thank you Kira. Writing to your child at different life stages is a beautiful thing to do. It will beconne a treasured memento for your child. I used to write brief little notes and put them in my kids lunch box at school. One teacher encouraged us to do that. I think the kids loved it.

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  31. This caught my attention! Thats a very out the box thinking lol. I guess let your intuition guide you as to what to include in the letter. I’m imagining this in my life lol except that I’m the kid not the parent.

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  35. I will ask her in my letter to write down every time I was mean, unfear, or that I seemed intransigent. Then I will tell her I am sorry if I was wrong. Never think about yourself a bunch, but think about how to make others happy, so that you will find happiness. Don’t think that happiness is not real, but is a reality that a person should look to experience in the little things of our day. From waking up to a simple cup of coffee to picking up a piece of trash from the floor just because you want the next person in that street to not see it dirty. Be happy, and make a point to always help. The hardest decition of a bird is to throw the little birdie and not know if he can fly! I hope that you can fly my sweet daughters and son, and if you fall do it with style, get up, shake it, do it again. Love mom

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    1. I think the world would be a far better place if we all thought of the next person. This comment from you encapsulates this. “…picking up a piece of trash from the floor just because you want the next person in that street to not see it dirty.”
      Secondly getting up shaking it and doing it again is what I would call resilience. And we all need that. Thank you Chef Freyka.

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  36. An unusual request? Perhaps. I am a little discombobulated by the title ‘death letter” though.
    An unusual request? Consider the injunction, ‘an unexamined life is not worth living.’ An examination of one’s life will have provided clues as to possible ways to fulfill this request. Might I suggest that anticipating such a request, might provide a raison d’etre for the life you’ve lived.
    What else is there? Fame, glory, respect, accolades, shame etc all pass. And so, to take the time to share, across the generations the results of a life examination/reflection is reason enough to blog. Thank you for your thought provoking jdeas, I reckon I’ll be a follower!

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    1. Thank you for your thoughts. Reflections are important for me to clarify my thoughts.
      You made an intriguing comment, David and I hope I can uphold the standard you anticipate!

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    1. You are right Eugenio, in that it has made me realise that there might be things that are difficult to say in person, but that might be more easily said in print. If it can assuage any negative feelings or grief and it is no problem to write – I love writing so it is not a bother, then I will do it. I have started it already and it is quite interesting to find that I have had no problem coming up with things to write. Do you think you might write such a letter?

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and for your comment. I agree with you that everyone would like help to get over the death of their parents. Grieving is not a fun process, yet everyone has to face it sooner or later. If we can smooth the way for our loved ones, somehow, of course we would want to do that. Thanks for reinforcing that for me. Each person deals with death and grieving in their own particular way. Do you think culture also plays a role in the way people treat death and dying?

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  39. Pingback: What do you think about a death letter? – Bible and Theology Thoughts

    1. Thank you Appling01. It is quite unusual isn’t it? But having thought about it for a while longer, I think it is eminently sensible and practical. Would you do it?

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      1. Yes. I think it’s a great idea. Not only for your children but possibly friends or others. I linked your post in my blog. I’m not sure if I did this correctly but I wanted to give you credit for this idea. If I did it wrong, please let me know. I don’t want to be a thief.🙂
        It’s https://biblethoughtsnow.wordpress.com
        Thanks 👍

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  41. I think I will try something like this. Not necessarily limited to my children but maybe to others I want to say something to after death.
    I used your blog and linked to it on a blog post I wrote. I’m a little new at this but I wantede to give you credit. It is https://biblethoughtsnow.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/what-do-you-think-about-a-death-letter/
    If I didn’t do this correctly, please let me know. I don’t want to steal your stuff. Anyway, thanks for a thought provoking blogpost.

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  44. This is a great idea (and the wonderful comment thread makes it even better).

    I had a Cunning Plan in mind to offer you; and reading the comments has convinced me that it may not be such a bonkers idea as I had first thought…

    You yourself admitted, “I am sure I will re-write it many, many times”; but you also said “Neat handwriting has never been my strong point”, and, “I think I would have to write it on the computer, as my handwriting is not so neat and she finds it hard to read”.

    The big hurdle here is that none of us knows how much time we have left. With luck, you have much time left; but if that’s the case, what you want to say in your ‘death letter’ may evolve. And then, there’s the problem of ensuring that your daughter actually gets the letter. Relying upon someone else to do that is problematic: what if they die first, for instance?

    So, here’s my idea: create a new, separate, blog here on WordPress. Make it private; invite your daughter to ‘follow’ it – this provides her with an introduction to it, makes sure she (and only she) does have access to it, and then… you create blog posts on it, as and when. But you password-protect them all, with the same password, except for one. That one will be the final post, the one you’ll probably want to rework over time. It won’t be password-protected, but it will reveal the password that allows access to all the other posts.

    The cunning part is: you schedule that final post for some time in the future, on a memorable date; perhaps your daughter’s next birthday, or the last day of the year, or some such. Some date you’re not likely to forget each time it rolls around. And when that date draws near (assuming you’re still alive) you simply reschedule the post for the following year. Meanwhile, you’re adding new (password-protected) posts to the blog. And then, one day, you pass on, and on the following anniversary date, that final post appears, and it unlocks the entire treasure trove.

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    1. That is such a wonderful idea, Colin.
      I love the complexity and the way it would happen regardless of what happens to me. But would I remember to reschedule it before it goes live? It would lose its element of surprise if I did.
      Adding another blog is more work but I think it definitely has potential.
      My daughter knows the is a file for her on the computer, but the actual letter is on a different device, at present. She is expecting it, so I assume will go and look for it.

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      1. Yes, that is a drawback to my Cunning Plan; you would need to be disciplined about rescheduling that ‘last post’, or the whole plan could go awry. I’ve rattled my grey matter in search of a solution to this conundrum, but the best idea that’s dropped out is for you to set an annual recurring alarm on your dumbphone (assuming you have one) to remind you to reschedule, perhaps a month before it’s due to go live each time.

        Another flaw in the Plan would arise if you were still in the land of the living but no longer able to use a computer. This is, sadly, the situation my elderly mother is now in; whereas once she was quite adept in using her PC, her memory now fails her. The constant ‘upgrades’ changing this and that haven’t helped. Were such a situation to arise, you could unschedule the last post and make your daughter an administrator on the site, which would allow her to access all you’d written at a time of her own choosing.

        I have no children of my own, but if I had, I think I’d run with this idea myself. I think it would be a neat way of keeping in touch with my child(ren). WordPress automatically sends notices to email followers when a post is published, so over the coming years they’d get intermittent reminders that I’m thinking of them. Of course, not all posts would need to be password-protected…

        Thinking ahead: if your daughter has children herself, she could use the same site for the same reason. Assuming that the ‘upgrades’ don’t change things beyond recognition in the future, the site could become a long-term evolving heirloom, much like the ‘family bible’.

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  45. The idea struck me as ‘weird’ when I first started reading your post. But then it quickly became a really cool idea. I read through some of the comments – great ideas. Since there is so much to write about, I imagine that it would just go on and on as you would add things you think about. PeNdantry’s idea with different blog posts is an interesting one.

    I’d definitely write one. I can’t tell for certain, but I think it sparked inspiration in me to write one of these for some people in my life. I think it’s only fair that your daughter did something, too. As you mentioned – maybe a video. It’s natural for parents to leave this planet before their kids but that’s not always the situation.

    As someone who had lost their parents, I will let you know what I would like to know (I know that you already have a document with important information, so I won’t mention that).
    – family stories/secrets (when I was younger, it was not appropriate to share some stuff with me, then, I wasn’t really interested, and then it was too late) that can relate to lineage and/or family recipes (which you mentioned you already are doing)
    – important to you memories of the two of you (I know what I remember but it would be nice to know what they remembered about me)
    – life lessons

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    1. Such precious suggestions! Really great ideas. I can see that memories of events by the deceased could trigger off many fond memories in the living. My daughter and I often chat about things like this. Particularly about our dog that has been deceased for a number of years. She likes to remember past times that brought joy. Having a large photo record to tap into also helps her. The photos keep those memories alive instead of fading into oblivion. It is often hard to remember my own kids when they were babies. The videos we made at the time are fantastic to watch, even if the quality is poor and my hair was sooo bad……

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