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Sunday Sayings – Allies

Definition of an Ally:

to combine or unite a resource or commodity with (another) for mutual benefit.

Allies or Friends can come in many forms. They might support you at the end of the phone, in person, or just by you knowing that they have your back. They make life easier and more pleasant.

You don’t need an abundance of allies, even one or two makes life bearable. Maybe your best ally could be your own self.

Today’s Sunday Sayings focuses on Allies.

Weekly proverb

“Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief” -Swedish Proverb

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Swedish friends

Weekly Quotes

“Friends ask you questions; enemies question you.” Criss Jami, (Healology)

“Dude. Every mom is the most annoying human in the universe, but most of them, besides the super-abusive genuinely bad ones, are in your corner.”
― Mary H.K. Choi

Who is your ally?

How do they support you?

Everyone’s opinion is important. What do you have to say?

Something to Ponder About

Several years ago, I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within those succinct few words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.
Mostly anonymous, they are a portal through time to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures, and the experiences of many lessons learned and the wisdom from thousands of lives already lived.
They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

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Proverbial Friday – Love and Equality

Proverbs and sayings provide us with wise words from all corners of the world. Best savoured a little at a time, these sayings have been passed down from generation to generation. Each Thursday, I post a saying, or proverb and a quote that I find thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Each Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking.

I hope you think so too.

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This has been a momentous week in Australian politics. About much debate and anguish, words of love and hatred, legislation has passed the Senate that will allow same-sex couples to marry.

We are perhaps behind much of the world in this respect, however, we have negotiated a long, arduous, divisive, and hate filled campaign in order to reach this point. As the bill was debated in the parliament, a traditionally conservative Senator voiced these words which synchronize with this week’s theme.

“How you love is how God made you. Whom you love is for you to decide and others to respect.” Senator George Brandis –

Australian Senate 28 Nov 2017

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Hatred can so often be destructive of relationships, people and things. How can we get past hatred?

Albert Camus has these illuminating words: –

“In the midst of hate, I found there was in me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was within me, an invincible calm. I realized that throughout it all, that…In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”

-Albert Camus

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Peace of mind can be achieved by a change in one’s attitude.

Do you agree?

What do you make of Camus’ words?

Join in the discussion this Thursday at Something To Ponder About

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Community

Proverbial Thursday – Global Wisdom

Proverbs and sayings often provide us with wise words from all corners of the world.  Best savoured a little at a time, these sayings are passed down from generation to generation. Each Thursday, I post a saying, or proverb and a quote that I find thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

 

There can be no peace without understanding. (Senegalese Proverb)

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This week I have been pondering Forgiveness. Gandhi is quoted as saying:

 

 

“The Weak can never forgive.

Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

 

 

Do you agree with this statement?

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In today’s world and political climate, some people see those who seek retribution as showing strength? But is it based on strength, fear or even hatred? When I was contemplating this, if was as if Gandhi answered my question himself, as the next thing I read was this:

 

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi

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What do you make of the above quotes and proverbs? They provided some clarity for me, in my head space.

What do they say to you?

Please join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

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Proverbial Thursday – Always Something to Ponder About

 

friends
Community

Proverbial Thursday

Proverbs and sayings often provide us with wise words from all corners of the world.  Best savoured a little at a time, these sayings are passed down from generation to generation. Each Thursday, I post a saying, or proverb and a quote that I find thought-provoking.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

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The quotes and proverbs I have chosen this week, relate to friendship.

That eternal concept that occupies much of our daily thoughts.

My daughter is having a crisis of sorts in her friendship group.

It is often complicated navigating adolescence with teenage girls.

 

 

The friends of our friends are our friends –

-Congolese Proverb

 

and this:

Promises may get friends, but ’tis performances that keep them –

Plutarch

(Thanks to the blogger Peggy for the book from which the quote came).

 

Friends come and go frequently in our life. They are often themed around where we live, what we do, hobbies and interests.

Sometimes friends can be unhelpful or hurtful leading one down a dangerous path. 

Fair weather friends are hard to understand.

Moreover, though, friendship is a beneficial experience.

Friends can help a person cope with extraordinary struggle and pain with a simple hug or a welcoming smile.

Friends reflect back society’s attitudes in a softer way, guiding us to where we have gone wrong.

Friends might let one down, but also reassure, entertain and teach.

Friends may live close by or far away..

Friends care.

Friends through Art

 

Why do we feel so heartbroken when a friendship collapses? Commonly, another friend may soon enters one’s life, and when this happens, we then have a wonderful opportunity to meet someone different. Someone with new perspectives and values.

Why, then, is it so hurtful to lose a friend?

What do you make of the proverb and quote for this week?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment.

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Proverbial Thursday

Something to Ponder About

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Blue Skies – About Me

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Lorelle is relatively new to the WordPress world, and in support of her, I have decided to accept the nomination to participate in the Blue sky challenge.

Now, I hear that slight, almost inaudible inward groan, from the seasoned wordpress veterans, who have completed many such awards/challenges. However, it is my belief that the WordPress community is a supportive one and as such, we do everything we can to encourage new bloggers. This challenge is a way to do that and by doing so, discover new blogs and also for me to highlight other blogs, you have yet to come across.

Having said that, and bearing in mind the time constraints of such challenges/awards. I will highlight other blogs in accordance with the rules, but emphasize that there is not an obligation to complete/pass this on, to others.

So, here are the rules as I was given them:

  • Thank the person who tagged you – Thank ever so much Lorelle from AMindfulTraveller,  whose blog comes with the tag line Explore, Live Love.
  • Answer their 11 questions
  • Tag 11 people
  • Give them 11 questions to answer.

My answers to the questions

1. What is your “dream” holiday destination?

I am so fortunate to have already been there – Scandinavia and Poland, although Greenland/Antarctica would be wonderful, but it is unlikely that I will travel there.

2. The most disliked place you have travelled to?

Unfortunately, I would have to say Bangkok. Too noisy, busy, and Humid!

3. If you could learn a foreign language, which would it be?

Again, I already learn Norwegian, but perhaps I could extend that to Icelandic one day.

4. Do you prefer Summer or Winter?

Always, always a winter person…I simply can’t tolerate heat and humidity. I grow horns in summer!

5. What have you learned from blogging?

There are more similarities between people from diverse cultures than there are differences. We can learn so much from each other if we keep an open mind.

6. What is your favourite food?

Seafood and berries – I could just eat that for the rest of my life and be content

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Definitely a dog obsessed person. Dogs are a treasured gift of unconditional love.

8. What makes you laugh?

Good question, Lorelle. Political Satire mostly, otherwise it could be dry wit.

9. What is the first thing that comes into your mind when you think of the colour red?

Recently, I have been instructing young ones on how to drive power wheelchairs so a red, stop sign,is the first thing, that comes to mind, otherwise the Dannebrod, the Danish flag!

10. One word to describe your partner/ loved one (if there is someone) .

Loyalty

11. What is your greatest fear?

Losing my loved ones

11 Questions I would ask:

1.Your favourite place in the world?

2. What keeps you young?

3. Something you would never ever do again?

4. Favourite book/author?

5. Thing you most remember from school?

6. Most important lesson you have learnt in life?

7. Tidy desk or Messy Desk?

8. Do you prefer forests or the seaside?

9. Style of art you prefer?

10. Favourite food?

11. Have you changed careers since you left school?

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Blogging is Something  Great to Ponder About

Mental Health

Do You Fit In? Anxiety, Emotions and Friends

Do you sometimes feel misunderstood, or like you just don’t fit in? Is socializing painful or something you avoid? Is mixing at a party or large group a torturous experience?

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If so, you could be suffering from social anxiety? People suffering with this are often introverted by nature and feel that they are constantly being judged negatively by everyone around them. As such, they find it difficult to make new friends or maintain relationships.

These people are often drawn to online friendships, as the cyber world can be anonymous and much less threatening. Without the need for eye contact or body language, contact with others  over the net, can be much less overwhelming on the senses. The written word on its own, can be tolerated by someone with social anxiety, as it can give them the time they need to choose their words carefully and to be sure to express themselves in a way that would not be perceived critically. For this is what someone with social anxiety feels every minute of every day: that they are being negatively judged or critically perceived by others. For some, it destroys everyday life and  they are confined to the only place where there is no anxiety, the sanctuary of a solitary existence at home.

Although there appears to be  a genetic basis to social anxiety and its evil partner depression, there are a number of behaviours that can be un-learnt  just as easily as they  are learnt as a coping mechanism for anxiety.

As a result of these thoughts and anxieties, people with social anxiety have few friends and find making new friendships very difficult and not just because of trust issues. Their fears and negative thinking can render them vulnerable to friendship with toxic people, who in turn, erode their self-esteem and self-concept, even more and it feeds into a vicious circle.

Relationship gurus, such as Marc and Angel, list some common toxic behaviors to social interactions which is useful information for those who have social anxiety and who may wish to improve their social interactions:

1.  Taking everything too personally. – People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.  The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their filters, and their perspectives, wounds and experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, it’s more about them.  I’m not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally when it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of others’ good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide.

2.  Acting like you’re always a victim. – Another toxic behavior is persistent complaining that fuels your sense of victimization.  Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no power over the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck.  Working as a life coach with people who’ve suffered terrible trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it all around, I know that we have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we initially believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a hapless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

3.  Obsessive negative thinking – It’s very hard to be around people who speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the slights they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life.  These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what’s happening.  Pessimism is one thing – but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another.  Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a skewed way of thinking and living, and you can change that. Seek out positive people and look out the way they perceive obstacles and problems in their life.

4.  Lack of emotional self-control. – An inability to manage your emotions is toxic to everyone around you.  We all know these people – those who explode in anger and tears over the smallest hiccup or problem.  Yelling at the grocery store clerk for the long line, screaming at an employee for a small error she made, or losing it with your daughter for spilling juice on the floor.  If you find that you’re overly emotional, losing it at every turn, you need some outside assistance to help you gain control over your emotions and understand what’s at the root of your emotionality.  There’s more to it than what appears on the surface.  An outside perspective – and a new kind of support – can work wonders.

5.  Cruelty (or lacking empathy and compassion). – One of the most toxic behaviors – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly unkind and hurtful to others just because they can.  They tear people down online in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a shield.  Cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason is toxic, and it hurts you as well.

6.  Needing constant validation. – Last but not least, people who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to “win” over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Overly-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.  There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

What can you do to help someone/be a friend to someone you suspect has Social Anxiety? 

  • Be alert to when they attempt to join into conversations and listen to them with consideration, and without judgement.
  • Be aware that although they might appear rude and abrupt, they would never intend to come across in this way, and it is often their lack of social experiences that make them withdraw, or be incapable of responding appropriately.
  • Accept them the way they are, and always remain positive whilst empathizing.
  • Invite them to social outing without pressure, such as small groups situations or in a situation that they would not find threatening, such as stopping by their desk each day for a quick chat.

Something to Ponder About