den gamle by
Community

Getting Old

It happened quite suddenly.

The feeling that the Moth, (Man of the House), and I are becoming a bit…. old.

I shouldn’t be surprised, as this feeling isn’t really that new.

I first felt like this, when I turned thirty years old. How silly was I then? But of course, 30-year-olds don’t always have any point of reference for what older age really feels like, until now.

We feel our age a little more, every time a milestone passes. You know the sort where we get to celebrate yet another 12 wonderful months of life on this planet? Except you reach a point where you don’t want to celebrate the number, anymore. It is almost a forbidden word once you pass three score years, which I haven’t quite reached yet, but the Moth most certainly has.

Today, however, I did feel extra old, particularly when the Moth asked me a question and the ensuing conversation went like this:

“Have you seen that blue cold pack from the freezer?”

“No, should I?” (have seen it?)

“I just had a look and it isn’t there.”

“Are you sure?”

“You know – the blue one.”

“I’ve never seen a blue cold pack, but I did see an orange one there, last week.”

“Yeh – the orange one.”

(Sigh). “Yeh, it’s in there.”

“Where?”

“In the freezer?” [Long Pause].

“What’s in the freezer?”

“The Orange Cold Pack.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Have a look.”

“I did. It’s not there.”

“Well, have another look.”

“I did. It isn’t there.

“Check again.”

“Oh – there it is. I’ve found it!”

(sigh)

And there we have it. It is official.

Suddenly we are old.

Motivational

Leadership

Weekly Quotes

“There is a difference between being a leader and being a boss. Both are based on authority. A boss demands blind obedience; a leader earns his authority through understanding and trust.” – Klaus Balkenhol

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

What makes a good leader?

Does a manager lead by example or by words?

Is compliance of employees achieved by checking, verifying, straightening those who they see as divergent from their policy or procedures? Can successfully managing a team mean you do not need to mould, reform or control?

Some years ago, I worked in a friendly and collaborative workplace, until sweeping changes created some newly appointed Team Leaders and the group dynamics changed.

The decline in morale and mood in the workplace was palpable. Many Senior staff left the organization and the atmosphere became toxic. Harassment, and criticism became commonplace. The boss tacitly supported this through direct, brusque emails. Softer, quietly spoken colleagues were the first targets to suffer under this micro-managerial behaviour.

The result: A disconnected, ineffective workplace with high absenteeism rates and resignations.

To be an effective manager of staff, you must possess a range of skills. Particularly decisiveness, empathy, intelligence, problem-solving skills, and great communication.

Similarly, in Government, we see politicians sit idly by until the public who elected them cry out for them to do something. Then, threatened by their own downfall, they move, often in the wrong ways and far too late.

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

– Woodrow Wilson

Our politicians would do well to remember Woodrow Wilson’s words.

As always, the old pearls of wisdom and quotes provide us with much insight into learning what constitutes leadership.

Weekly Proverb

Verona
Verona

He that would be a leader must be a bridge.

– Welsh Proverb

Schnauzer
Community, Mental Health, Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Heartbreak

De liefde kent vlek nog gebrek. When you are in love you do not see any faults or shortcomings. (ie. Love makes you blind)

Dutch proverb from from Gerard Oosterman
dream-feelings-love-pain-reason

Although it never gets better, the grief that comes with heartache adn loss, does get more manageable with time.

Time can be a wonderful great healer.

Finding the right words of comfort helped me at the most difficult times. At other times, silence can be just as comforting.

heart

It is hard, but coping with traumatic loss comes with time, and the only consolation is that you are not the first and only one to suffer in this way. You are not alone in your grief.

One day, the negative voice inside you will have nothing left to say.

Weekly Proverb

“A bitter heart devours its owner”

love

Weekly Quotes

Sometimes love can tear us apart and devotion a cruel master.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

Unknown

And finally, the last word goes to Louisa Alcott:

“Love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the end so easy.”

– Louisa May Alcott

Norrheimsund
Motivational, Philosophy

Be Less Judgmental

embroidery craft  bench seat

Do you think Frank needs a job?”

No wonder Lucy doesn’t present well, her clothes are so old-fashioned.”

You should take more care with your car.

How often do we hear judgemental comments about others, analysing what folks should or shouldn’t do? These comments or suggestions are often negative and critical in nature.

Making a judgement about someone else effectively puts up a barrier between them and us. So if we stop, or at least aim to reduce, judging and analyzing commentary towards others, we might find communication improves, and we might begin to feel closer.

If we minimize judging and analyzing, the spin off can also be a greater peace of mind for us.

When we complain about other folks, we are actually sabotaging our own peace of mind. This is because we allow ourselves to be disturbed that things are not as they “should be.

Ron Mueck
Ron Mueck

The Taoists say,

“It is possible to appreciate people for their uniqueness – like you might enjoy a certain song. You don’t have to analyse and pull it apart.”

In being more open, flexible and accepting, you let others be the master of their own lives.

PEACE OF MIND CAN COME MORE FROM A CHANGE OF ATTITUDE, THAN A CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCES.

Making Mistakes

We learn so much from our mistakes, don’t we?

Therefore, it is sensible to let others make mistakes and not rob them of that learning experience opportunity that might be so valuable to them.

We are also taught, via our education system, to analyse and have an opinion. But it is perfectly okay to have no opinion at all.

Question: –“Do you think Frank should get a job?”

Answer: – “I think Frank should do what he wants.”

technology

Judgement Challenge

This week I will set a challenge for myself and for anyone who cares to join in to:

Spend a week not judging anything or anybody.

When I meet someone who talks about others, complains a lot or doesn’t work, under my breath, I will say something along the lines of:

I give you the space to experience life as you choose.

It’s not for me to judge you.”

Let’s see if life is a lot easier that way.

Will you join me in trying this?

It doesn’t mean you have to like everybody.

Being less judgemental means you can maintain your own particular preferences in life, but remain more calm in your attitude.

If you are around a complainer, you might choose not to be in their company, but this is coming from a position where it does not feel right for you, rather than open condemnation of their differences.

If you spend your whole life being irritated by others, it is obvious that there is going to be a lot of people who don’t see things your way.

You can wait for people to start thinking like you or you can grant them the right to live their lives the best way they know how.

YOU GRANT THEM THE RIGHT TO LIVE THEIR LIVES THE BEST WAY THEY KNOW HOW.

Unknown
alone

Evaluation

Let’s check back in a week to see how we are doing with this.

StPA

beach
Mental Health

Sunday Sayings – Annoying People

“No I don’t need anger management. You need to stop pissing me off.

https://www.coolnsmart.com/annoying_people_quotes/

You are having a difficult day, right? The sales assistant in a local store refuses to do what you need them to do and you’re running late, that new work colleague continues to micro manages every aspect of your work, (despite the fact you have been doing the tasks perfectly well for five years or more), and to cap the day off, you get home, the baby is screaming, house is a mess and said partner has left the toilet seat up!

Feeling a little annoyed?

Suddenly, it is all too much!

People who think they know it all are especially annoying to those of us who do

Anonymous

When we feel irritated by people’s behaviour, feelings can build up inside us and we might blurt out harsh words or criticism, that is later regretted.

Feeling annoyed at other people’s behavious not only damages our work and personal relationships but detracts from our level of contentment in life and even might affect our self -esteem.

In any other context, or situation, these actions would be almost meaningless, (such as leaving the toilet seat up), so we must ask ourselves:

Why are we so irritated by their behaviour?

IF YOU LET SOMETHING ABOUT A PERSON ANNOY US, (eg. eating noisily), PEOPLE WILL KEEP DOING IT TO US.

What is it that prevents us from seeing the person’s good points and focusing on something bad?

Why do we seem to ascribe a negative meaning to another’s behaviour in our own minds, yet feel annoyance and irritation in ourselves?

 

riverfire

What ARE we gaining by being irritated?

We do it because it gives us a payoff.

  • We get to feel like a martyr – meaning I AM still okay so you are NOT
  • We get to blame others for our feelings
  • We get to feel unhappy and it’s someone else’s fault

The alternative is to take responsibility for our feelings and aim to be more flexible and more accepting of other people’s temperaments and priorities.

Because:

Everyone IS different.

Some shout and scream, others never open up, some hoard their money and others spend it. Some love Donald Trump and other abhore him. Some like to be alone, others need to be around people. Some are loud, funny or raucous, others quiet, mellow or aloof.

If we want to be accepted as we are, we must therefore accept others just as they are, too.

Give other people space to be who they are.

Moffat Beach
Tooway Creek, Moffat Beach

No matter how big your house is,

how recent your car is,

how big your bank account balance is,

our graves will always be the same size,

STAY HUMBLE

Unknown – Let me know if you know who wrote this

Respect others enough to allow them the opportunity to experience life in their own way. Being irritated or upset is fine, unless it gets in the way of our own enjoyment of life.

It is much preferable to not become upset. [This might take practice if you have been irritated with other people, for a long time.]

Putting conditions on how others should behave around us, cuts us off from life itself. If your friends are much sillier, more serious, more talkative, drink more, ruder, more overly polite or more boring, liking or hating your favourite politician, delight in these differences of the folk who make up your world around you.

Everyone is unique

Enjoy their uniqueness for what it is, and do yourself a favour.

Practise Tolerance.

Everyone has a right to enjoy their life as they see fit.

Practise tolerance to feel happier!

Something to Ponder About this Sunday.

Community

Proverbial Friday – Worldly Wisdom

River boats art

 

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

get-over-guilt
 

 

Wherever you go, you can’t get rid of yourself.

 

~Polish proverb

 

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

“Mistakes are part of life, everyone makes them, everyone regrets them.

But, some learn from them and some end up making them again.

It’s up to you to decide if you’ll use your mistakes to your advantage.”

 

~ Meredith Sapp

 

 

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy,

and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life;

they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.”

 

~ Gretchen Rubin

 

How do you deal with guilty feelings or guilt manipulation from others?

Are you explaining yourself to others? Or are you your own judge?

 

 

cropped-stpa1.jpg

 

 

sunnfjord
Community

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

River boats art

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

 

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

 

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

IMG_4163

 

A bad dancer blames the hem of her skirt.

 

 

You rest the way you have made your bed.

 

~  Polish Proverbs

 

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Something from the Master of Basic Needs, Maslow, for us to ponder over.

 

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“You will either step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

– Maslow

 

 

IMAG0922

 

There seems to be an ever – increasing temptation in society to lay blame, as the Polish proverb refers, in the event of something going wrong. We seem to abrogate our responsibility by finding blame, or highlighting those responsible. Can admitting our failures make us appear weak?

An accident can never be as such…..

How are your bed sheets looking? Do you ready to sleep on smooth, orderly bed linen, or bury yourself comfortably in a tangled chaos?

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to join in the discussion, by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

 

And, how do you see Maslow’s quote on safety and growth? 

Can these qualities operate simultaneously or are they oppositional?

Sharing one’s perspective may increase our understanding.

 

Proverbial sml
Now posting on Fridays

 

Something to Ponder About on Fridays

Community

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

 

 

 

Talking comes by nature; silence by wisdom.

Silence has so much meaning.

 

Native American Indian Proverbs

 

 

 

Whilst thinking about this week’s wisdom, I started to think how often people get upset over others’ remarks. Time and again, people take offence at comments like:

“Don’t you eat a lot.”

Or,

“That’s planning ahead!”

Or,

“We all know you married him for his money.”

These things are often said out of a lack of understanding, jealousy or perhaps, even to get a reaction. They might even be said to incite support for a personal attack on you. Whatever the motive, do you use the wisdom of silence, that the Native American proverb alludes to, or do you contradict, reason or even agree in a good-natured way?

Do you find you have to explain your feelings to others, or justify yourself and your actions?

As the proverb says, silence has so much meaning, and wisdom.

When a relative complains that you are, “always taking holidays,” do you normally argue, or agree with them and say, “yep, I love holidays.”

When someone says, “you sure are wasting money on that jet ski.” Do you start to explain yourself,  get angry, or say, “Yeh, I hate cheap jet skis.”

Do you allow yourself to be upset over people’s remarks?

Ron Mueck

Only little people make nasty remarks and only little people take offence. Be a big person

Andrew Matthews

 

 

face

 

 

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to share your perspective by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

Are the sayings relevant in your life?

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

trondheim manor garden
Community

Proverbial Friday

 

Even a small mouse has anger

Native American Indian Proverb

 

 

On a family law practice window:

 

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

~ Marilyn Monroe

 

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader.

Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

Lastly, this week, this enigmatic quote:

 

“Anger punishes itself.”

 

When we get irritated with others, it seems easy to sub-consciously blame them for our unhappiness. We think that we’re not happy and it must be their fault. Or perhaps we get to be martyrs thinking – we are okay and they (obviously), are not.

Have we considered that everyone has different temperaments and different priorities, because everyone IS different?

Some people shout and scream, whilst others show little emotion,

some never open up,

some are notoriously late,

some never get excited about anything,

others won’t spend a cent without much thought whilst another is a spendthrift.

The challenge is to respect others enough to allow them to experience life as they choose. We can still enjoy their uniqueness, however different their values might be from our own.

If they are so very different from us, it is a great opportunity to learn something and to appreciate others for who they are. We touched on this in last week’s post, particularly, in the comments section.

Setting aside one’s prejudices is not easy, but to do so can enrich one’s life! Try it for one day/one week/one month!

 

How do you handle people who “get your back up,” or who are so different from yourself?

 

What do you think of Marilyn’s words? Do they speak about modern life?

 

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment.

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

 

Now posting on Fridays

 

Every Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. I hope you will too.

Proverbial Friday –

Something challenging to Ponder About

 

 

 

Community

Proverbial Friday – Worldly Wisdom

trickle down

May you taste your words before you spit them out

~ Irish Proverb

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

River boats art

“Good people are found, not changed.”

~ Jim Rohn

Good people, the quote says! Who are they? Folks whose values approximate our own? Is having common values the intangible rope that draws us to certain people?

What makes us shy away from those who are different, or conversely, try to change those who think differently, or act differently to us?

Can we ever really know what past events have shaped an individual’s attitude or values? Even if those values clash with our own, is it still possible to learn something about them, if we can only set aside our prejudices?

Our lives might be richer for being more open.

How can we grow on a personal level, if we stick to just the “good” people and seek a monogamy of values?

Roses

Every Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying, as well as a Quote that I find thought-provoking. I invite you to join the discussion by leaving a comment on your own particular interpretation of the proverb.

Everyone’s opinion is important.

Sharing our perspectives increases the possibility for increased understanding.

What do you want to say?

ask blackboard chalk board chalkboard
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Proverbial Friday – Something serious to Ponder About

Sweden norway border fjell på grensen
Community

The Gnawing

IMG_20180124_204125_533.jpg

 

The Gnawing 

It’s there in the belly, it sits like a stone,

hard, heavy and dragging them down.

Gnawing in waves, tearing, grating, chewing,

Life imploding, no hope of renewing.

A breaking soul shattered to pieces,

like a mirror smashed by a rock, the light now ceases.

Disintegration.

No going forward, nor even going back.

So continue to clutch that unpredictable track.

It’s over too soon, and yet all seems so far,

Such destinations are never reachable by car.

Blow upon blow, a mind in torture,

The heart rent sore, bent beyond rupture.

And still the Gnawing is there, the closest companion in the darkness.

 

StPA

 

 

Mental Health, Motivational

Left to Pick Up the Pieces

There can only be one thing more nightmarish than hell itself, and that is to lose a child to  suicide. Gut-wrenchingly sad and tragic that a young life is lost. Gut-wrenchingly sad and tragic that the person has felt such emptiness and despair. Gut-wrenchingly sad and tragic that someone could feel so lacking in hope, so consumed with mental pain and anguish that this was even considered an option. And yet for their own family, who are left somehow to pick up the pieces, the consequences of this act can be so viscerally devastating, it is akin to a nightmare without end. Is it a selfish/revengeful act? An aberrant impulse? A distorted  or dysfunctional thought?

While the tortured soul focuses completely on their inner world, of thoughts and feelings, they fail to realise the contagion of misery and desperation will afterwards infect the rest of their closest allies, their own family or friends. How does one face the world and continue with life, after the loss of a close family member or child?

Many lives have ended here
Many lives have ended here

The strength humans display in the face of this kind of tragedy, is nothing short of awe-inspiring. To bury one’s own child is heart-breaking, but to experience a child who deliberately ends their lives is completely unfathomable. How do people get over such an act? How do they lift themselves out of the depths of  misery?

Moldiv_1401336598966

And now, this week we have a man appear to conceal a mental illness and commit suicide on a German aircraft, taking 150 innocent lives with him. Not only that, but he has also taken his own family’s normal life and that of the victim’s families, on the path to a living hell, that is only just commencing. These people have to pick up the pieces of their own lives, and continue on, somehow.

Last week, a young boy from Australia drove a car filled with explosives into an army base, intending to cause maximum death and destruction and in the process, killing himself. A selfish act? A nutter? A kid with nothing to live for? A criminal? A sociopath?

I don’t have an answer. I don’t have a magic solution. Perhaps there isn’t one.  Each case of suicide is different, and each individual is different. Every socio-economic group, every ethnicity can be affected – no one is immune. But it is cowardly and selfish. The most selfish act imaginable. Australia, the egalitarian vanguard, has the highest rates of youth suicide in the world.

And so Life is a roller-coaster. It is unpredictable, full of hard times and challenges, and if you are so blessed, many good times too. For some of us, success doesn’t happen and when life becomes too overwhelming, we feel like quitting, or we might feel like ending the pain, yet there is always Hope, waiting, watching, willing us to believe that things will improve.

There is always Hope.

Can we stop suicide? 

What can we do:

  • We can be there to comfort and support our loved ones and our fellow man and woman.
  • We can make an effort if others appear stressed or unhappy.
  • We can appreciate every moment we have with each other, no matter how bored, tired, hungry, frustrated we may be feeling.
  • We can encourage others to seek help and reassure them of our support.
  • We can speak up, without shame, to others, when need dictates. Secrets kill….
  • And We Can  Listen to each other!
  • Reach out to one another – There is always hope!
  • Take a break – and relax!

Every person is a child of the Universe and has every right to be here.

Remember, “Everything, like the weather, passes.”

A final word from Marc: Whatever you believe to be true about yourself and life in the long-term becomes your reality.  Your beliefs are ingrained patterns of thinking that you build up over a lifetime.  They are habitual ways of processing the world around you.  If those beliefs don’t work in your favor, you can change them.  How?  In the very same way the negative beliefs formed in the first place – via repetitive thoughts that you accepted to be the truth.  Ingrain new beliefs by consciously choosing and repeating messages that lift you up.

Something sobering to ponder about.

If you need help or wish to talk to someone:

beyondblue.org.au

kidshelp

Lifeline

Mental Health

Do You Fit In? Anxiety, Emotions and Friends

Do you sometimes feel misunderstood, or like you just don’t fit in? Is socializing painful or something you avoid? Is mixing at a party or large group a torturous experience?

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If so, you could be suffering from social anxiety? People suffering with this are often introverted by nature and feel that they are constantly being judged negatively by everyone around them. As such, they find it difficult to make new friends or maintain relationships.

These people are often drawn to online friendships, as the cyber world can be anonymous and much less threatening. Without the need for eye contact or body language, contact with others  over the net, can be much less overwhelming on the senses. The written word on its own, can be tolerated by someone with social anxiety, as it can give them the time they need to choose their words carefully and to be sure to express themselves in a way that would not be perceived critically. For this is what someone with social anxiety feels every minute of every day: that they are being negatively judged or critically perceived by others. For some, it destroys everyday life and  they are confined to the only place where there is no anxiety, the sanctuary of a solitary existence at home.

Although there appears to be  a genetic basis to social anxiety and its evil partner depression, there are a number of behaviours that can be un-learnt  just as easily as they  are learnt as a coping mechanism for anxiety.

As a result of these thoughts and anxieties, people with social anxiety have few friends and find making new friendships very difficult and not just because of trust issues. Their fears and negative thinking can render them vulnerable to friendship with toxic people, who in turn, erode their self-esteem and self-concept, even more and it feeds into a vicious circle.

Relationship gurus, such as Marc and Angel, list some common toxic behaviors to social interactions which is useful information for those who have social anxiety and who may wish to improve their social interactions:

1.  Taking everything too personally. – People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.  The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their filters, and their perspectives, wounds and experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, it’s more about them.  I’m not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally when it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of others’ good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide.

2.  Acting like you’re always a victim. – Another toxic behavior is persistent complaining that fuels your sense of victimization.  Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no power over the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck.  Working as a life coach with people who’ve suffered terrible trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it all around, I know that we have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we initially believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a hapless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

3.  Obsessive negative thinking – It’s very hard to be around people who speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the slights they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life.  These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what’s happening.  Pessimism is one thing – but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another.  Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a skewed way of thinking and living, and you can change that. Seek out positive people and look out the way they perceive obstacles and problems in their life.

4.  Lack of emotional self-control. – An inability to manage your emotions is toxic to everyone around you.  We all know these people – those who explode in anger and tears over the smallest hiccup or problem.  Yelling at the grocery store clerk for the long line, screaming at an employee for a small error she made, or losing it with your daughter for spilling juice on the floor.  If you find that you’re overly emotional, losing it at every turn, you need some outside assistance to help you gain control over your emotions and understand what’s at the root of your emotionality.  There’s more to it than what appears on the surface.  An outside perspective – and a new kind of support – can work wonders.

5.  Cruelty (or lacking empathy and compassion). – One of the most toxic behaviors – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly unkind and hurtful to others just because they can.  They tear people down online in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a shield.  Cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason is toxic, and it hurts you as well.

6.  Needing constant validation. – Last but not least, people who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to “win” over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Overly-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.  There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

What can you do to help someone/be a friend to someone you suspect has Social Anxiety? 

  • Be alert to when they attempt to join into conversations and listen to them with consideration, and without judgement.
  • Be aware that although they might appear rude and abrupt, they would never intend to come across in this way, and it is often their lack of social experiences that make them withdraw, or be incapable of responding appropriately.
  • Accept them the way they are, and always remain positive whilst empathizing.
  • Invite them to social outing without pressure, such as small groups situations or in a situation that they would not find threatening, such as stopping by their desk each day for a quick chat.

Something to Ponder About