blogging, Community, Motivational

Sunday Sayings – Focus in Isolation

From The Treasury of Proverbs and Epigrams, kindly given to me by LeggyPeggy comes these wisdoms:

It may be hard to work, but it must be harder to want.

Employment is natures’ physician.

The confidence of ability is ability.

and finally,

Learn the luxury of doing good.


Counteracting the Negative

Feeling pessimistic about the future of the planet and yourselves? Feeling like you are climbing the walls in self-isolation?

Useful work doesn’t always have to be renumerated in dollars.

If you are struggling with loss of work, are self-isolating, or feeling stuck in an endless loop of negative thoughts, fundamentals are important to acknowledge. You are doing loads of great things to keep going.

Make daily lists to remind yourself of:

  • Good things that are happening – For example: cooking healthy meals, helping family keep occupied with indoor activitites, staying at home, spending more time and conversation with pets and family, maintaining your room/garden/flat.
  • Good things about yourself – Eg: I am clever and capable. I have got this. I have survived up til now so I will get through this. I am good at …… ( insert whatever you are good at).
  • Things that you are accomplishing (even little things). Like clearing out that old cupboard, decluttering Marie Kondo style, creating a DIY project you’ve been meaning to do for years; Sorting and labelling the myriad of photos in the cloud/on PC, or even checking on a elderly neighbour/friend, over the back fence/through the doorway or telephone.

Focus on what you ARE doing, rather than on what you’re NOT doing.’

Blogging can be positive too.

Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Saying -Misinformation and Communication

In this regular Sunday post, I welcome discussion of traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within their succinct words.
Not only do they have an ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age, they may also impart knowledge; a knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us to interpret it how we see fit and how we pass it on.

Weekly Proverb

Caution minimizes loss

– Filipino proverb

Fake news has been systemic for several years now, and the pandemic has seen masses of digital misinformation, from conspiracy theories to suggestions that only old people are affected. Social media is one of the usual protoganists.

So it begs the question:

Will history books be the only truth-tellers of our time?

Weekly Quotes

I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance.”  

-Reuben Blades

The great enemy of communication… is the illusion of it.

— William H. Whyte
Where am I

Where do you get your information from and how is it communicated?

Do you know much about the people behind the company who conveys your news? Their agenda or background?

Who do you believe? And Why?

How do you verify your news is not fake news?


Linking this also to Debbie’s communication post

You are welcome to join in the discussion. All comments are welcome.

Community, Mental Health, Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Hurtful words

This week in Australia, there has been many hurtful words slung in the fight for supplies in supermarkets – primarily panic buying on toilet paper. The premise is flawed as we have enough supplies and manufacture it here. But still, folks panic buy a trolley load! Brawls have erupted in the toilet paper isles of the major supermarkets! Hurtful words have been said.

beach

Feeling Irritated

A few weeks ago I was discussing what happens when we feel irritated by someone else’s words.

I asked:

What do we gain by feeling irritated? Is there any kind of benefit in this?

  • We get to feel like a martyr – meaning I AM still okay so you are NOT
  • We get to blame others for our feelings
  • We get to feel unhappy and it’s someone else’s fault

Ultimately, all of us need to take responsibility for our own feelings and aim to be more accepting of other people, their temperaments and priorities.

But what about the other side of irritation? The fall out from those spiteful words said in a moment of anger that are often regretted? It is not always easy to repair the damaged relationship, nor unsay what has already been said.

Hurtful words are often said when we do not have, or cannot find, the words to clearly express our needs, clearly or succinctly. It seems like frustration and pain often lie behind the words that are spoken.

Te Mata Peak New Zealand

Weekly Quotes

“Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future” – Robert Schuller

The Hidden Meaning Behind Hurtful Words

from pamfullerton.com

“In making hurtful comments, we are usually trying to communicate strong, unresolved feelings. However, this seems to work against us as it causes pain in ourselves and others.”

And if we don’t transform pain, we might transmit it.

Thinking about what it is that we really want to communicate when we say hurtful words to, someone we know, is useful.

Some examples:

Angry statement: “You never spend time with me anymore – you don’t care about anyone but yourself!”

The real meaning: “I miss you and sometimes I feel unloved & lonely when we don’t spend time together”

Said with frustration: “Calm down”

The real meaning: “I’m at a loss, I feel inadequate because I have no idea how to help you”

Said with hurt: “I’m done – I want out”

The real meaning: “I don’t want to be hurt anymore and I’m at a loss as to how to make things better between us”

Said in exasperation: “Get over it and just deal with it”

The real meaning: I can’t help anymore, as I am out of useful suggestions.

Expressing our true feelings can makes us feel vulnerable, and if the other person fails to respond to our admissions, with empathy, or begins to accuse or blame, the hurt will be felt even more acutely.

IMG_8851

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.” Source – unknown

Do you ever get the silent treatment in times of conflict? Phone calls that are blocked or remain unanswered?

Could this communication breakdown be a method of coping with the situation or possibly freezing you out so that reconciliation is impossible and the other party will be seen to be right? Are they finding it impossible to find any words to convey their true emotions?

Hurtful words damage the trust we feel in any relationship.

Quotes and proverbs provide us with some wisdoms:

“There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience.”

-Archibald MacLeish

Weekly Proverb

A gentle word opens the strongest lock

– Old English Proverb

Sunday Sayings – Something to Ponder About

Community, Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Resilience and Success

Weekly Quote

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”

-David Brinkley

Weekly Proverb

If your only tool is a hammer, you will see every problem as a nail. — Gambian proverb

Resilience

A recent article suggests that those who can weather the storms of life have the ability to perceive events in a different way to those who feel stressed and negatively impacted by trauma and life’s challenges.

Whether you can be said to have resilience, or not, might depend on the way your life unfolds. If you are lucky and never experience any adversity, you don’t really know for sure how resilient you might be. When you come across obstacles stress and environmental threats, you discover how well you can cope with life’s challenges.

Reacting to Stress

Do you see a stressful event as traumatic, or a problem? Or is it a chance to learn and grow?

Why do some kids thrive in awful circumstances and yet others crumble despite hailing from more comfortable backgrounds?

Predictors of Resilience in Children

Who will be resilient?

According to the article, support networks are essential to resilience. A strong bond with a supportive caregiver, parent, teacher, or other mentor, who believed in them tended to be more resilient, when life threw them a curve ball.

Children displaying the following strengths were also noted to be more resilient: [Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2956753/%5D

  • mature, autonomous and independent
  • were naturally curious
  • used whatever skills they had effectively
  • belief it was themselves, not their circumstances, that affected their achievements
  • strategies to deal with stress
  • a talent or hobby valued by others
  • a sense of humour
  • responded well to others
  • tolerated negativity
  • well developed decision making, reading and planning
  • a balanced perspective of experience
  • hopefulness
  • flexible but tenacious

In short, “The resilient children saw themselves as orchestrators of their own fates.

newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the-secret-formula-for-resilience

The final saying today comes from Janet over at This, that and the other thing:

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Discussion

Do you see yourself as the master of your own destiny?

Join in the conversation. All comments are welcome.

Schnauzer
Community, Mental Health, Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Heartbreak

De liefde kent vlek nog gebrek. When you are in love you do not see any faults or shortcomings. (ie. Love makes you blind)

Dutch proverb from from Gerard Oosterman
dream-feelings-love-pain-reason

Although it never gets better, the grief that comes with heartache adn loss, does get more manageable with time.

Time can be a wonderful great healer.

Finding the right words of comfort helped me at the most difficult times. At other times, silence can be just as comforting.

heart

It is hard, but coping with traumatic loss comes with time, and the only consolation is that you are not the first and only one to suffer in this way. You are not alone in your grief.

One day, the negative voice inside you will have nothing left to say.

Weekly Proverb

“A bitter heart devours its owner”

love

Weekly Quotes

Sometimes love can tear us apart and devotion a cruel master.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

Unknown

And finally, the last word goes to Louisa Alcott:

“Love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the end so easy.”

– Louisa May Alcott

lady mountain view
Community, Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Trees and Doors

Weekly Quote

unknown

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog which morphed into Sunday Sayings.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Weekly Proverb

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The second best time is now.”

Chinese proverb
tree ferns

Sayings, quotes and proverbs offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton.

Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

lone surfboard rider in the morning surf
Motivational, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – The Self

A child is like an axe; even if it hurts, you still carry them on your shoulders.

Finnish Proverb

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog, now ‘Sunday Sayings.I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

These wise words offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Unhappiness

“The unhappiest people in this world are the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.”

Unknown

Many of us want to be right!

We think we are right.

We try to be right.

We even try to convince others that we are right. It may be because it elevates our social status, or own our self-esteem, or because we are perfectionistic and being wrong is equated to being bad.

It is our desire to want to be right that might be the reason we subconsciously choose negative thinking.


There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.

‘Some day the negative voice inside you will have nothing left to say.’

Unknown

Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to always happen, but accepting that whatever happens is the best for the moment.

burst of colour
Cedar Creek, Australia
Community

Sunday Sayings – Meditation

snow cottage sweden sverige skellefteaa
A Cottage in sweden

Weekly Saying

Man kan sola sig en hel dag i en varm tanke

One can lie in the sun a whole day with just warm thoughts

Swedish proverb

Thoughts and Meditation

pensive thoughful looking upward

One of the benefits of incorporating a regular meditation practice into your life is in helping to settle the mind.

With the constant expectations and intense stimuli around us in the modern world, thoughts may easily race out of control and threaten to consume us. Or, when all is quiet and we’re alone for too long, our mind and thoughts can worry us and give us no rest.

Relief may be found in relaxing the mind. Recurring or troubling thoughts may elevate our mental state and encourage the release of adrenaline and stress hormones in our bodies. Clearing the mind, or stilling those thoughts, especially the recurrent ones, may give the emotional self attached to those thoughts, a much needed break.

Sometimes it is impossible to ‘clear’ the mind; to just think more positively.

That’s when it may help to step back from one’s thoughts and see them as separate to your own self. Because they are!

You are not your ‘thoughts,’ alone! There is a person and a body in there too.

Looking at your thoughts as if you are an observer, as a silent witness can help quieten a tumultuous mind.

When I felt like the emotions deriving from troubling thoughts, especially negative ones, were consuming my thinking, I found the following analogy helpful, in promoting mental stillness and calm.

Meditation Exercise – Be an observer

Find a quiet place and:

Imagine that you are sitting on a riverbank and that you see a leaf or branch, stick or even a flower, (if that suits you), floating along with the stream’ s current.

That leaf/twig/flower is floating down the stream towards you. You see it approach, floating on that gentle current, and you continue watching it, in your mind. It continues to float by and eventually you see it pass in front of you, the current then taking it further downstream and then finally out of your sight.

stream

Each branch/leaf/petal, is a single one of your thoughts.

Sometimes that floating stick or branch might get stuck on a rock, or the riverbank itself for a while, before the current again catches it and it floats away out of sight.

Each thought is a different leaf or stick that will pass by on its way. You remain calm, staying out of the way, a silent observer on the riverbank but watching this from a distance.

In this way, you see yourself as separate to your thoughts, a silent observer.

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

-Mahatma Gandhi

The emptying or observing of emotions is like pressing a reset button on all the stress hormones and neurotic needs caused by daily life situations and experiences.

We can all use a Reset button at times!

There are many other methods of meditation that are useful to still the mind. I found mindfulness and bead meditation to be most useful for me.

meditation
Bead meditation and mantras

You have to find the method that suits you best.

Happy Sunday

Community

Sunday Sayings – Being Open Minded and The Press

Refugees and Journalistic Bias

The MOTH and I were discussing the situation of the Tamil Family- the subjects of failed applications for refugee status, in Australia. This, despite country Queensland being their home of many years and the small community of Biloela wanting, and indeed fighting, to keep them in Australia. Federal court injunctions were heard and precedents for Ministerial intervention which had been allowed for others in a similar plight, (by the Home Affairs Minister) were denied for this family.

AS the MOTH is retired, he watches a lot of TV and is exposed to a steady diet of Murdoch influenced press. When presented with information from alternative or independent sources, he tends to dispute the premise of my often opposing argument. That said, our difference of opinion brought up an important point.

If someone wants has overly contrary views or even xenophobic views, is it always our right to convince them otherwise? We can of course, disagree with them, but arguing against them with logic, or other ammunition – isn’t that preventing them from expressing their own view, even if we think it is highly flawed?

If every news report has some subjectivity, how can any of us be so sure that our opinion, or counter argument, has not been formed without bias? Do others have a right to hold an illogical opinion, even if it is seems ridiculous?

Where am I

Keeping an Open Mind

Could we in fact, learn something from listening to their (potentially alien), rationale? Especially if, and this is my Key Point, we should listen to opposing views in order to keep a balanced and open mind?

computer
CC0 Creative Commons

We might attempt to persuade others with facts, figures and irrefutable evidence, but will it win over their hearts and minds?

Because if we succeed in doing so, aren’t we then becoming oh-so-similar to that one-sided subliminal press story that I am so critical of? The ones that do not present all the facts in an inpartial way, or allow any difference of opinion at all?

To offer a balanced view, one has to offer bits of both sides of the argument, without judgement, don’t they?

BALANCED

What do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.

seeing

Weekly Proverb

Every closed eye is not sleeping and every open eye is not seeing – African Proverb

I feel this proverb has much relevance to today’s thoughts.

Something to Ponder About this Sunday

Community

Sunday Sayings – “Home, Ship, Home”

If you want to live on the edge of life, you need to be flexible.”
~ Kim Novak
flower

I just can’t do it! I can’t,” he implored. Manfred was clearly beside himself.

Holly paused to let the tension digest before replying, “Can’t you negotiate with them, Mannie?

Manfred looked sad, then stubbornly fixed his jaw, explaining, “No, I just can’t go back. It won’t work.

Holly decided Manfred wasn’t going to budge. It was hard to understand why he was fixated on quitting the job he’d started just a day or two before. After all, working in a food truck was good experience for an unskilled youth, even if the Manager had abused him and rostered him to work long hours at weekends.

Holly quietly suspected that if Manfred quit this job, he’d find it difficult to survive and worse still, he’d lose the routine and direction he sorely needed in his life. Teenage boys with time on their hands tended to create trouble; something Holly had witnessed when her own brothers were growing up.

So, ah – what’s your plan now?” she ventured, after letting the silence hang for a minute.

ports

Well, I’ve been thinking about doing street entertainment, so I can start my own business,” Manfred began enthusiastically. “I have this idea to remodel shipping containers as cheap accommodation.” “They’re portable, readily available and everyone wants one.”

A business, hey? You could call it, Home, ship, Home,” Holly joked.

Manfred’s face lit up, which gave Holly a warm feeling inside. Since meeting Manfred on the park bench some months before, she’d grown to like his confidence and enthusiasm. He’d charmed her with easy conversation and a good dose of charisma, but she knew he was dangerously impulsive. And that she thought was worrisome.

After promises to meet again the following week, they parted ways. Holly back to her family in the suburbs, and Manfred to who knows where. Holly wondered where he’d sleep that night. He had explained several time that it was often safer to walk the streets at night and ‘crash’ in the park, once daylight came. On those nights, he’d confessed to using to cope with his inner demons. Holly decided she’d have to convince him to get help when they met up again.

While idly washing the dishes from Mum’s casserole dinner, with the 6 o’clock news droning in the background, Holly’s legs suddenly collapsed under her.

The unidentified man fell from the City Bridge in a daring stunt gone wrong,” the TV droned.

Her head hit the floor hard and when Holly came to again, it was easy to forget the news story. Surely, she’d see Manfred’s smiling face again, at the end of the week.

Holly’s week dragged by ever so slowly. When 5 o’clock came she rushed to the City Bridge and anxiously looked for Manfred’s slouching figure on the bench seat where they always met. She was sure he would be waiting for her, as he always did, in their usual spot.

But the bench seat was empty. Holly sat down and waited. 5.15pm passed, then 5.30. By 6pm, she could no longer ignore the sense of despair mixed with utter hopelessness that blinded her thoughts. Was Manfred really gone?

With trepidation, Holly peered over the Police tape cordoning the City Bridge’s narrow railing and absently reached for a gum wrapper someone had twisted around a wire in the fence. Her heart broke as she read the words scrawled thereon:“Home, ship Home.”

dream-feelings-love-pain-reason

Something different for Sunday Sayings this week

Appreciate and treasure the moments with others.

There isn’t always a second chance.

“The things which are most important don’t always scream the loudest” – Bob Hawke

logo
alesund
Motivational

Sunday Sayings – Idealism

I have been pondering the concept of idealistic versus realistic thoughts and its relationship to wisdom here. As always, I find Quotes and Sayings to be a great guide in deciphering the details and deciding on which side of the ledger I currently sit.

Confucius
Confucius

I think Confucius has some intriguing words for us.

“By three methods we may learn wisdom:

First, by reflection, which is noblest;

Second, by imitation, which is easiest;

and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

~ Confucius

Quite rightly, without reflection we cannot find a deeper meaning and sense in our world.

Experience becomes the teacher, when the ears will not listen.

In philosophy, when discussing the issues of perception, idealism is a theory that states that our reality is shaped by our thoughts and ideas.

In a sociological sense, idealism emphasizes how human ideas—especially beliefs and values—shape society.

Your dictionary
  • Idealism Believes in the Universal Mind
  • Idealism Regards Man as a Spiritual Being
  • The World of Ideas and Values is more important than the world of Matter: …
  • Real knowledge is perceived in mind
  • Importance of Personality Development

“I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

~ Ann Frank

Anne Frank and her family kept true to her ideals, even though they cost them their life.

“Study the past if you would define the future.”

~ Confucius

Mostly anonymous, proverbs and sayings are a portal through time to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures. They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and the wisdom from thousands of lives already lived.

What do you think of the sayings this week?

Do you think wisdom is gained more from mental thoughts and ideas, or pragmatic actions?

I inivte you to join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Everyone’s opinion is welcome at StPA.

front door
Community, Mental Health, Motivational

Sunday Sayings – Snobbery and Privilege

Hypocrisy is the essence of snobbery, but all snobbery is about the problem of belonging or exclusiveness.

Torun poland

“Some people have such good taste they can’t enjoy anything.”
Marty Rubin

“They [Harvard academia] liked the poor, but didn’t like the smell of the poor.”
Chris Hedges

“It was culture as class performance, literature fetishised for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterwards feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they liked to read about.”
― Sally Rooney, Normal People

1295_happy_pencil_with_folder_049_tnb

Why are some people Snobs?

Snobs are people who judge people for what they do or how much wealth they have, not for who they are. They fixate on product and performance, not personality or spirit. Snobs might display rigidity of thinking as some well heeled who, despite their expensive educations, came to admire Hitler’s autocratic style of government. The snob pigeonholes people according to superficial criteria such as their birth, their profession, either regarding or disregarding them. Countries with strict class systems are renowned for this. Exclusion may even be based on the way a person speaks.

schnauzer dog reading

Some interesting explanations on snobbery are found here

It is suggested that snobbery is a symptom of social insecurity; that social insecurity may be rooted in childhood experiences, especially feelings of shame at being different, or an early sense of privilege or entitlement that cannot later be realized.

The true answer to snobbery is not to say that there is no such thing as a better or worse person, but to insist that better or worse exist in constantly unexpected places and carry none of the outward signs of distinction. Perhaps the antithesis of snobbery is recognition of those who fail as much as those who succeed?

Is it feasible to recognize everyone for their effort?

“People who hold important positions in society are commonly labelled “somebodies,” and their inverse “nobodies”- both of which are, of course, nonsensical descriptors, for we are all, by necessity, individuals with distinct identities and comparable claims on existence. Such words are nevertheless an apt vehicle for conveying the disparate treatment accorded to different groups. Those without status are all but invisible: they are treated brusquely by others, their complexities trampled upon and their singularities ignored.”
― Alain de Botton

Do you know some people whose self-concept is not so strong that they spend a lot of time making comparisons and judging others, who often fail to come up to their high standards? Is this a form of snobbery?

Or perhaps the do-gooders who are not really keen on the people they help in their everyday lives, at all. It looks good on paper to help the needy and they feel they are doing the right thing, and yet, if the recipients are not grateful for the handout, the donations or assistance abruptly stop .And then there are the group who seek to gain something from handouts, business favours or social favours.

Humans can be poor judges of the worth of others, and thus it may be simpler to be kind, curious, open and imaginative about all we interact with and that includes ourselves.

Snobbery and its contributing factors is Something to Ponder About