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What is the Secret to Perseverance?

Forestwood
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Some people drop out of a race, a test or an employment challenge at the first sign of failure, often labelling their goals as “impossible.”

Some don’t.

With failure an inevitable phenomena at some point in our lives, is the amount of emotional support we receive consequent to that failure, critical to developing perseverance?

I am interested in why and how people can be encouraged to persevere in life’s challenges.

Is the secret to perseverance having a solid supportive network of friends or family who love and believe in you? A group who are willing to offer encouragement and help when you need it?

When things do go wrong, or you sense that you have failed, it is precisely the time that such support is critical, according to Annette Simmons, who wrote ‘The Storyfactor.’

The relationships you develop in your lifetime can sustain you when your emotional reserves feel tapped out. The support you receive will reflect the support you give over the years. Emotional support operates on the principle of reciprocity. Emotional support given eventually translates to emotional support received. Building sustaining relationships is your best strategy to last the distance to move mountains. [p.155]

Kind of karmic advice, would you say?

[Perhaps it is something that ‘Are you okay?’ day already goes some way to examine].

For this year, 2024, my goal is to check if I am facing, or know of anyone facing goals that I or they might be struggling with? And if so, would I then consider:

  • How willing might I be to act as an emotional support to that person?
  • Has the phenomenon of emotionally supporting persons changed in recent times? Are people less likely to help others?

and finally, I ask:

  • Do you have any other secrets to perseverance you would like to share with me?
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Published by Forestwood

A philosophic Aussie writes here at StPA, one who will readily admit to loving Scandinavia. I'm interested in global politics and what drives us to be who we are. Scratch the surface and you'll find a practical Environmentalist with an egalitarian bent, trying to unleash a little creativity via the written word. Scandinavian culture, literature and traditions are close to my heart, even though I'm Australian. Travel and courteous discussions greatly broaden the mind, so I travel if I can and am always up for a vigorous, respectful discussion. I'm an avid reader, a writer and I enjoy photography and crafts, particularly traditional art forms. I hope you'll find 'Something to Ponder About,' in my WordPress Community.

74 thoughts on “What is the Secret to Perseverance?”

  1. Relationships is your best strategy to last the distance to move mountains. Very nice sharing you secret perseverance having a solid supportive network of friends or family who love and believe in love’!

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      1. Maintaining a positive mindset is essential for perseverance. Personally, I find that focusing on gratitude, setting realistic goals, and surrounding myself with positive influences contribute significantly to keeping a positive outlook.

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    1. That is interesting, Derrick, so thank you for mentioning the flip side of the coin. This attitude of never being expected to fail is a hangover from an older mentality. I am reminded that the elite private schools here in Australia follow many British modalities of education and also engender an expectation of winning in their students. Sadly, in the millenial era that winning mindset has been adultered and misinterpreted in young men from those schools into a misogynistic elitism that devalues the status of women. So while it may have helped you to become optimistic about your potential, it was a double edged sword. I am glad you have had support not to persevere when it was necessary. It is important to be able to let go – at certain times.

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  5. I think that one’s appetite for perseverance is also influenced by the circumstances we have grown up in. My formative years were spent far from the nearest town and we had to rely on ourselves and each other for entertainment and assistance when needed; at boarding school I realised it was up to me to make things work; the same applied at university; I have lived in places without many facilities and so I am prepared to go the extra mile for both myself and others.

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    1. Hi Anne, It sounds like you certainly developed self-reliant resilience. The outward circumstances provided the opportunity for this to develop and for you to find rewards in perseverance. Rewards not available should you have sat back and waited. You were granted an opportunity for this quality to flourish in yourself. Which makes me wonder would it have developed later, if at all if you lived in a big city with loads of services?

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      1. Generally in a work context, if I came up with an idea I believed had merit, even though the rest of the executive team didn’t agree, I’d be like a dog with a bone until I’d won them all round. However long it took.

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      2. I can imagine that you would have had to be doggedly determined plus diplomatic in pushing your agenda? I am impressed though that it worked and had no negative effects. That is the real reward for perseverance.

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      3. The trick is to look at it from other angles and address the question « what’s in it for me? » And when I say « me », I mean everyone else.

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    1. Motivation, you say, Tanja. That is something I have spent some time considering. Particularly for teenagers who seem to have lost the will to self-motivate. A positive role model seems especially important. Do you see that reflected in your own kids?

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  8. At both home and school I was expected to succeed in the important things – exams, competitions – but not to worry about the rest. Not good at maths…well, just do enough to scrape by. Latin…you need it for your degree course, buckle down.
    Obviously there have been times I’ve not done as I hoped….but there’s always been a dog to need me.

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    1. A dog to need you, Helen? Our four legged friends provide wonderful solace when we fail. So, do they aid in perseverance? They front up day after day with a waggy tail, happy to see us. That is perseverance.
      Both you and Derrick have mentioned performance expectations and I guess most parents expect their children to do well, academically, because what parent of any worth would EXPECT their child to NOT do well. It is a fine balance though between healthy expectations and high expectations that pressurize a child’s mind.
      Latin – I never studied it, it has disappeared from the curriculum when I came along, so I wonder if I would have liked it? I love languages, but I haven’t yet found anyone yet who really liked studying it at school.
      I am with you on the maths. History, geography and the humanities were my interest and consequently I usually breezed through them. Although, having subject that come so easily to me didn’t aid my developing perseverance. Perhaps I am still learning that…..

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      2. Our rescue dog passed seven years ago. She was the most loving dog and did unsurprisingly have an abandonment complex – in certain circumstances she would cling to me and suffered a bit with separation anxiety. Do you notice this with some or all of the dogs you rescue?

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  9. I think it is all about listening to one’s gut. Perseverance when trying to obtain a true life goal is admiral. However, sometimes we lose site of what we really want, and giving up or giving in might lead us to our real place. We often get in our own way.
    Oh, were it true that the support you give others always comes back. In my experience, there are many emotionally needy folks out there who haven’t the slightest idea how to give in return.

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    1. I like your point about giving up and how it can sometimes lead us to a more pertinent goal. Although this might happen less frequently than quitting goals or giving up, it does warrant consideration. Life sometimes directs us in ways we see as difficult, but they end up being better in the long run.
      I am sorry to read that emotional support is not reciprocated by some folks around you, Dorothy. You, who give so much via your blog in enriching the diet and health of others who read your posts.
      Should we use a different yardstick to measure the substance or character of their reciprocation? Or should we give them more time to develop awareness of others? I wonder what it is that is preventing them from a reciprocal conscience? Is their emotional cup so empty that it is never spills over to consider sharing it with others? Their wounds must run deep. Or perhaps they don’t look back? If so, their hourglass may run out.

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  10. My husband and I were talking about a similar topic last night. I had high ideals for myself when I was a teenager. I remember wanting to go to a private women’s college and study philosophy and religion. The problem was, I didn’t know how to make that happen and my family couldn’t have cared less about my ambitions. I was expected to always do well in whatever I did, but I often didn’t have the basic tools (or support) to avoid faillure. So I failed. A lot. I sought out support through guidance counselors and professors, but the bottom line was I didn’t have emotional support through my family.

    The lack of emotional support early in my life made it difficult for me to accept and act on emotional support when it was offered later in my life. Now at 66, I’m trying to reconcile myself to the fact that I have not done so many of the things I had wanted to do. I try to not be that way with my friends and my nephews. When a friend told me that she was trying–for the third and final time–to finish her doctorate, I supported her even though I believed that she likely would not finish. I was her friend. I felt it was more important to be a sympathetic ear than a critic.

    Reciprocity is important but it’s not always equal. I’ve eventually shied away from some friends because they make me feel guilty for having what they don’t have (for example, a husband). I don’t know if people are more or less likely to help each other these days, but I do think–at least in America–there’s a lot more narcissists out there … and they are not known for providing emotional support.

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    1. HI Marie, Thanks for such a wonderfully elaborative and insightful comment. You are right. Reciprocity is rarely equal and even. Your example highlights the assumptive value of emotional support in developing perseverance, particularly for young people during their schooling or in establishing themselves. What a beautiful friend you are to the friend studying for her Doctorate, despite you not having a emotionally supportive role model in place for yourself, when you were younger. Emotional support doesn’t have to cost anything other than time and effort and empathy. The return is in some instances, as nourishing for the giver as the recipient. I have always been keen to help when help was needed, but I did learn to respect that not everyone does want help. Or perhaps they need support in other ways than what I was able to provide. I am mindful of this.
      However, I am concerned to read that you, like Dorothy’s perspective, are picking up on a heightened level of narcissism in America.
      Up til now, marginalization and prejudice could lead to embittered individuals, but total selfishness? Could this be in response to deep seated fears? Or media’s encouragement of buzzy news demonising the neighbours who disagree setting up a contagious mutual lack of respect? Then there are cynics who seem entirely immune to good intentions. We are communities of social beings and society falters if the majority are selfishly minded. What do you think this has stemmed from? Is there one overriding factor? Or many?

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  11. Interesting thoughts. Interesting questions. I’m skipping the first two.

    The third, though, I have a small piece of wisdom for you. As you may know, diets or “lifestyle changes” are the hardest thing is the world to stick to. People keep searching for the magic bullet, the easy plan, or the instant fix. Many of us will tell you that diet X worked, but I couldn’t stick to it.

    The answer to the right diet (or exercise plan, or other behavioral change plan) is – the one you’ll stick to.

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    1. I love your wisdom, Zazzy. It is so true. There is no such word as diet if you want it to work. Changing temporarily will only worsen the situation with weight loss when you return to the old eating patterns. It has to be a permanent change! And that – as you alluded – is really hard for many people. Breaking in a new permanent habit and persevering is difficult for out nature. Determination and stubborness (as Heather Mosy) pointed out can be a positive move.

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  13. This is such a fascinating topic. I’ve loved reading not only your post but the comments.

    Unfortunately, like Dorothy, I have found myself providing emotional support to others that was not reciprocated. Ironically, the pandemic gave me an out. With global permission, I shrank my emotional and social circle to my family and those friends that I knew would give back as much as I gave. I didn’t have the resources at the time (husband out of work, son trying to do Year 12) to give energy to those who couldn’t fill me back up. Even as we’ve opened back up I haven’t gone back and I’m still careful with whom I support.

    On perseverance, I can only say that a stubborn streak can be handy. 😁

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    1. Hi Heather, So you think that stubborness, so often seen as a negative trait, has something positive going for it? In terms of its benefits for motivation, should we perhaps call it tenacity?
      I am surprised that you have had to effect such a dramatic pull back on reciprosity. Was this a reflection of your state’s lengthy lockdown? I haven’t noticed that here as much as other responders have pointed out. However, when one’s resources are stretched, you must of course place your energies close to home and where they are best utilized. Otherwise, you are at risk of entering the “overwhelmed” zone! That zone isn’t fun and so detrimental to mental health. It also leaves you ill-equipped to support anyone because you yourself require the help in managing all the tasks that need completion. And I intensely dislike the feeling I can’t manage. But then you go further saying that you have needed to use caution in offering emotional support post-pandemic. Interesting. Are you still not feeling back to the emotional level you were prior to the pandemic? Or have you have discovered the necessary cull of emotional vampires should be permanent? The pandemic illuminated both negative and positive changes.

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      1. I like the word stubborn. I think it can have a positive meaning as well as the more traditional negative.
        As a shy introvert, social exercises take work. I think I feel like I lost my ‘social fitness’ over the lockdowns and maybe at my age don’t have the energy to get it back. (Also seems to apply to my physical fitness these days 😄.)

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      2. I am surprised to read that you feel you have lost your social and fitness mojo, Heather. Particularly as you ran and trekked long distances. What have you replaced these activities both social and physical with?

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      3. I’m still active (ran the Cadbury Marathon in Hobart a couple of weeks ago and now training for Oxfam Trailwalker), just not to the level I have in the past.

        Socially, I joined Parkrun about a year ago and that’s been great for both. I run and then go for coffee with others. (In fact most of my Trailwalker team are people I met at Parkrun.) It gets me out once a week.

        About once a month I have a standing date with a friend at a pub choir.

        Add the occasional coffee/dinner/walk with a friend (from a small circle) and that seems to be enough for me.

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      4. Pub choir is so much fun! Such a catalyst for community and great for the heart! It sounds like you have found a nice happy medium and you are far more social than I suspected going by your original comment. Do you chat when you are running the marathons, or does that occur afterwards?

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      5. At the start line you share a laugh with others at your mutual foolishness and at the finish line you’ll share congratulations and relief. Not much talking during the race. You’re too busy trying not to die. 😜

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  14. In my own case, I think my perseverance is just built in. I don’t know if it’s always been there or if my mom instilled it in me at young age such that I wasn’t aware of that but I typically tough things out, even if it seems things may not be going my way. But I’m sure getting through things to the end all those times before helped to continually build a foundation that helps to keep going in future endeavors (ie, if I could do X before and live to tell, I guess I can do Y now and survive….).

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    1. Learning to ‘tuff things out’ I think is an extremely valuable life skill, Kewtie and certainly seems to breed perseverance. Some people just don’t have it, they imagine the worst scenario early on and then quit. Perhasp this does come from the values instilled from family at a young age. Emotional support then from your network, I assume is of less importance for you? While for those who haven’t developed that tenacity to plug on til the end, or are still learning the rewards of doing so, would need much more emotional support and encouragement to continue. How fortunate you are!

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  15. Are people less likely to help others? Yes. Perseverance is an inside game, all up to you, in my experience. Not that there haven’t been a few helpful people along the way, but I give more emotional support than I receive. I figure that’s how it is now, so I don’t dwell on it.

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    1. Hi Ally, It may indeed be better to not dwell on the scales of emotional support, at all. It is what it is.
      I am glad that you are in a very strong place and feel able to give more to others. How sad it is that you have also noted people are less likely to help others, than previously. I suppose there is less trust nowadays and more suspicion. Probably less energy and more feelings of being overwhelmed as well? Life is so busy and there is always so much to do and so much happening.

      Many of us can identify those souls who have helped us, emotionally, through our journey in life. Mostly that is close family or valued friends. Emotional support facilitates a deeper connection between us. They are often the people I feel most connected to (and obligated to, in a nice way).
      I am always keen to offer emotional support to others whenever or if ever they need it. How can one ignore a person in need? Ironically, I tend to sort out my own dramas.
      I can imagine many folks would turn to people who have been emotionally supportive in the past, not least because they pick up on their inner strength and tenacity as they are the people who can and do persevere in a crisis. They are the folks who must beware not to take on too much. And in the same way others should not continually expect it of them. That might explain why more people are holding back – a bit of self-care trumps support for others – as Heather ( MOSY) mentioned.

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  16. Pingback: What is the Secret to Perseverance? – Career Counsellor

  17. Failure only happens when you quit trying. I think much of our attitude comes from teachers and parents. Were we encouraged to continue, where mistakes dismissed or hovered over. Where we brought up to never fail.
    Personally, I think if you want something bad enough you will continue to try and try and give your all, until you succeed. Perseverance or persistence?

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    1. Ah. So the level of desire and persistence overlaps the development of perseverance. Whether the carrot is large enough and your desire for the carrot strong enough? Yes I can see that.
      I can also understand how something can be encouraged to fail without enough emotional support. Without positive reinforcement, in an atmosphere where perfection is the only admissable outcome, plus the vagaries of individual personalities, their self-esteem and how they react to failure on a personal level. Teachers could indeed play a significant role. I am surely not the only one to remember admonishment by a teacher and the humiliation and embarrassment that comes when that is done in front of peers.

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  19. At the moment I am giving emotional support to my younger sister who is going through the stages of Leukaemia .. Her own perseverance is amazing… She underwent a mastectomy aged 36, her four young children helped her overcome that hurdle at the time, as she did battle against breast cancer… Now she is in her 60’s and we both have learnt to take each day as it arrives…

    I think we only fail when we give in, whether that be in our personal relationships with our partners or friendships or our careers..
    We come to a point whereby we have to stand firm in our convictions of healing ourselves, whether that be through illness, depression, in a bad relations, stressful job..
    We often fail to put ourselves first asking the most important question of all..
    What brings us JOY.. What makes us happy…
    If we are persevering, just for the sake of hanging in a relationship, then in my opinion its time to create a new outlook, set a new goal of intention..
    It depends upon what kind of perseverance we are discussing, as to how we each handle each situation.. And what kind of support is then required given each situation..
    A thought provoking post xx ❤

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    1. I think your sister must be very grateful for you and for the emotional support you have given her through illness. She sounds like a fantastic inspiration for you – a lesson in perseverance against illness.
      Thank you for sharing it and for a well-explained comment. It gave me much to think about. What brings us joy, and just why are we persevering in certain matters, be that job/relationships/friends.
      You said we fail when we give in. You mean we fail to be assertive and true to our needs?

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      1. Yes, we fail ourselves, by not putting the love of self first… We have been taught to put self first is selfish…
        Yet when we begin to realise just how highjacked we have been, in putting ourselves last, with feelings of unworthiness etc… We see the patterns of self-sabotage … We sometimes need to say NO!, and put our own needs first…

        When you understand the energy within Water.. Have you heard of the late Dr Emoto’s work on putting intention, thoughts into water and freezing it.. His work showed how horrible river water could alter its structure , just by sending love, kindness, etc thoughts into it. it altered its structure when frozen ..

        We are made up of a huge part of water.. If we are continually pulling ourselves down, and not enjoying what we are doing or who we are etc… we are polluting our bodies with those energy thoughts.. Yet if we begin to appreciate and love ourselves, we then find ourselves enJOYing life more..

        Its like when you are first in LOVE, EVERYTHING seems so much more better, for you are in that state of Joy…

        And thank you, Yes my sister is one in a million, we are close.. And we are grateful for each other…
        Sorry to write a book here… But most of our problems start within, and how we ourselves view ourselves, xx ❤

        Louise Hays Book You can Heal your Life taught me a lot, many years ago, when I was at one of my lowest ebbs… 🙂 It took a long while to look in the mirror at myself and say I Love you..
        Now I can do that every day and mean it 🙂 xx ❤ ❤ ❤ xx

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      2. I am so glad to read that you have found a way through self-doubt. That is truly wonderful and a testament to your perseverance. Many of us are hyper critical. However, the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme for some kiddies and they see others as unworthy, to their own detriment.
        I am not aware of Emoto’s work but it does sounds interesting. Was he Japanese?

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  20. Hi Astrid.
    Secrets to perseverance? I think it’s inside. Inner strength or whatever you want to call it. Or examples one sees as a child, or even later.
    I might have mentioned it before, my mother died of cancer. Yet, even in an advanced stage, when I went to visit her at her house (which was almost daily) and chat, she was already half-bedridden… Once she told me: “Okay, ne mollissons pas” (Okay, let’s not get soft). She swung her legs out of the bed. Extended her hand for support. Got up. Took a dozen steps or as much as she could across the room and went back to bed. Her strength was an inner strength: “Let’s not get soft.”
    (I’ll try to remember that until I die…)
    All well with you I hope?

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    1. Your mother sounds like a determined and resilient woman. Let’s not get soft – for what does being soft give you? Except self-pity and disappointments. There is a lot of softness these days and less resilience. We need more role models like your Mum. I think you are right about the examples one see as a child or adult. I hope I have demonstrated that to my own children. Time will tell.
      All is well here Brian. I haven’t been blogging so much for a variety of reasons. I am off to Japan shortly – for a holiday! Looking forward to some cooler weather. My energy stores are depleted by the summer heat. The humidity has been off the scale lately. What have you been up to lately?

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      1. I have no doubt your children have learnt well… 😉
        Japan now? How fantastic. Have you been there before?
        I keep forgetting it is summer for you. Plus humidity that can be draining…
        Enjoy Japan.
        Here? Not much. Writing and sorting stuff. Trying to see whether I might have enough material for a book. (Or two) (Problem is since I don’t really stop writing… LOL)

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      2. I think it would be fantastic for to to publish a book, Brian. Do it! Do several!
        Yes, it is summer, unfortunately. And humid+++
        Japan – this week be my third trip there. I love it. Plus, it is closer. There is so much to see.

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  22. Interesting questions. I think perseverance comes from an inner pull to want to do something and perhaps emotional support secondary. In some circumstances, I’m sure emotional support is a lot more important than the inner need or want. I think as someone who has grown up in a community where emotional support as been lacking due to cultural reasons, it’s been hard to recognise what it’s like to be there for others. Working on it though!

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