It’s All About the Food and Blogger Questions

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A dear friend who is watching her weight, for health reasons, pointed out that all our social activities are centred around eating food or enjoying drinks. Which makes it harder for her to lose weight, given she enjoys socializing with friends.

I realized that it’s true. Social activities are always accompanied by food or drink.

Pairing Social Activities with Food and Drink

Social invites take the form of:

Would you like a cuppa?

Will we see you at Drinks on Friday?

Let’s discuss it over morning tea,

or even,

Why don’t you come for dinner next Tuesday?

We meet up with friends to chat and spend time with them, to be in the moment with them, to swap stories or new information about their lives.

Why have we fallen into a trap of pairing our social world and discussions with food or drink?

Public Events with Food and Drink

I attended a library event this morning – a conversation styled interview with an author. There on a table to the side were a range of sandwiches, gourmet treats, fruit, tea, coffee, cordial and juice. A three-course meal for some.

In a library!

I remember school libraries as places where food was banned. Woe betide any student that smeared the pages of a book, with peanut butter sandwich residue! Students at my school sat on the floor outside the library building finishing their lunch before entering the sacred hallows where books were lovingly stored.

Don’t get me wrong. I applaud that libraries are re-inventing themselves and attracting a wider audience by hosting regular events.

But, is it an impossible stretch to ask the public to sit and listen to an engaging speaker at a library for an hour, without refreshments? Even when the event is timed between mealtimes?

Business Meeting and Nibbles

It seems business meetings too have gotton on board the food train with the compulsory additions of muffins and barista-styled coffees.

With obesity a burgeoning issue in my country, is the implicit message that we’d be social pariahs if we failed to include the presence of food and drink when chatting with friends or business partners!

The Social Habit of Eating and Drinking Together

I am not innocent.

I have fallen into the habit of structuring social activities around food or drink. My walking group meetings culminate with coffee and, for some, a snack too.

When visitors/guests arrive at my door, it feels customary and polite to offer them something hot or cold to drink?

Why does society feel a compulsory inclination to eat or drink when we talk with others?

Is it some kind of discomfort with our hands remaining empty or idle?

Because it is definitely not about calorie deficits or remaining hydrated in the testy weather of the tropics. This occurs happens all year round and regardless of the time of day.

Early morning events – paired with coffee and or breakfast

Mid morning get togethers – coffee or tea and often a sweet treat

Lunchtime meetings – a meal/sandwich

Afternoon catch-ups – Alcoholic drinks or tea

Dinnertime events- a meal and possibly a dessert

Evening get-togethers – Drinks or warming cup of tea or cocoa

It is lovely, but now feels terribly indulgent.

My Social Challenge

My challenge in the ongoing fight against diminishing metabolic rates and an increasing waistline in my retirement years, is to socialize more without the accompaniment of food or drink – at least some of the time.

I could sit at the beach with a friend and discuss books.

I could walk the bike paths along the beach and NOT have anything more than a sip of my water bottle.

I could visit a friend and maybe decline a cuppa? ( I am unsure about this).

Bloggers Questions:

Blogger brains Trust I ask you:-

Do you think excluding food from social activities will work?

Scenario: You are visiting a friend’s home for an hour or so, or you meet a friend out in the community to chat and no food or drink was offered/ included, would you:

(a) feel comfortable?

(b) consider the friend socially ignorant and avoid future events with said friend as they’ve become a social pariah?

(c) consider that your friend a failure at entertaining guests?

(d) that your friend has suddenly become rude, selfish, anally retentive or even anorexic?

(e) other……

I would love to hear what option seems realistic.

Netherlands 1640 – the Museum Writing Challenge

The Netherlands: 1640

Ettie’s World

Mother would be cross if she knew.

Those in the room did not hear her. She was stealth. Years of practice at being invisible. But she need not have worried. A Servant’s child was never noticed.

It was early, yet her mother had risen hours ago, lighting fires, labouring in the laundry and helping the cook prepare breakfast.

Mother would be cross if she knew where she was.

Ettie’s curiosity beckoned her to the parlour with its elegance. A boastful room with velvet furnishings and heavy drapes like condescending sentinels. These were rooms in which she would never belong.

In her imaginings, Ettie’s life was more opulent than a future of servitude and dirty laundry.  It was a world where her stomach was full, where she wore fine dresses and lived in a affluent house with two parents who were both present and healthy. Where they were toys and laughter. A world of mere imaginings. Ettie was sure, in that world, she would wear pretty white bonnets, starched and stiff, shiny leather shoes, and would carry a stick wrapped in silk ribbons of pink and blue.

Mother would be cross if she knew where she was.

Ettie didn’t know what the ribboned stick signified. Nor had she ever worn shoes. Perhaps a princess had lost this shoe while dancing at a ball. The stick might belong to a wizard. For casting spells and magic that would bring a smile to her mother’s drawn and pale face and cure her pains.

Mother would be cross if she knew where she was.

Ettie had snuck into the parlour. She a peasant child with no father and no business among Persian rugs, fine china and ornate ornaments from distant lands. A place where the waft of tobacco lingered from time to time when he was home.

Ettie had heard stories about him, stories of a distinguished Seafaring Captain who was nearly eight foot tall. She knew when he would arrive – everyone rushed about in a frenzy – polishing silverware and scrubbing floors until they gleamed. The smell of Roast duckling cooking in the kitchen. Its aroma enticing, although Ettie had never eaten it.

Once, after the Captain had finished his dinner, she‘d been given the privilege of feeding his dog the juicy dinner scraps. Afterwards, Ettie had licked her fingers. The deliciousness had made her taste-buds tingle, tasting of sweet meat and orange.

Mother would be cross if she knew where she was.

Ettie is quiet, crouching in the corner near the hearth. Invisible. When the Captain summons the servants to clear away breakfast, she sees his face. His long beard, the smiley, green eyes. The same eyes. She knows green eyes are special because everyone tells her that, and she is the only one who has them.

The master reaches for his long smoking pipe, then pauses. He has seen her. Crouching in the corner. He says nothing. So she watches him, fingers entwined. He looks at Ettie when the servants have diverted the Mistress’ attention and a smile creeps into the corner of his mouth. It is the same smile he saves for her mother when he passes her in the hall.

Ettie had wondered why her mother never smiled back. Her eyes always downcast, avoiding, never meeting his – in deference, Ettie once supposed.

Now she isn’t so sure.

Whispers among the servants – the green-eyed Captain’s child.

Mother would be cross if she knew.

This piece is written for Kay Castaneda’s monthly writing Challenge. For this challenge, bloggers write an original poem, blog post or brief story using a prompt of a painting, provided. You have a month to post your poem/story. See more at: bookplaces.blog

More Confidence ~ Sunday Quotes

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” 

says Barrie Davenport. I wonder if Barrie has ever had problems with confidence himself? It is not easy for everyone to just ‘do confidence.’

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But then Eleanor offers us her wisdom with a very grounding quote:

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Andre Dubus, American writer of short stories, novels, and essays, thinks personality quirks and introversion contributes to how confidence a person might be.

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” ~ Andre Dubus

I know some shy people who would be horrified to think that they might be considered narcissist, but I do see what Andre means. In some cases, people who are shy are more internally focused than others. They may want to be accepted, included and to avoid social rejection, but falsely believe everything must be perfect in order to avoid a negative judgement. Accepting who they are can be incredibly empowering and inadvertantly increase self-confidence.

Having said all of that, if someone is content being shy and happy the way life is, that’s no problem at all.

Self-confidence can be crucial in professional sports as Arthur Ashe, Tennis pro points out:

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” –Arthur Ashe

The final comment comes from Eker, a motivational speaker. While somewhat inclusive it seeks to normalizes a lack of confidence alluding to attitude as being crucial. It offers some insight into combating and overcoming difficult emotions.

Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them.” –T. Harv Eker

Do any of these quotes speak to you?

Kafka’s story of Loss and Change in Berlin

It’s the Small Things

“At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, walked through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully but Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter “written” by the doll saying, “please don’t cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures.”

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka’s life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable. Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

“It doesn’t look like my doll at all,” said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote:

“My travels have changed me.”

The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home. A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

“Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”

Embrace the change. It’s inevitable for growth.

Together we can shift pain into wonder and love, but it is up to us to consciously and intentionally create that connection.

A beautiful idea to help children deal with loss and change. A simple act that has so much meaning.

Letter, stories and books often are of help to children deal with strong emotions.

Quotes and Wisdom from the Past

“How much more anger and grief do than the things that cause them.”

“For you can’t lose either the past or the future; how could you lose what you don’t have?

“The impediment to action advances action.
What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Sayings and sageful words uttered in past centuries bear poignant relevance for modern communities across the world. Their timeless interpretation a general fit for a multitude of circumstances. Make of them what you will. Thanks to fermincazares for highlighting Marcus Aurelius’ wisdom.

What is the Secret to Perseverance?

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Some people drop out of a race, a test or an employment challenge at the first sign of failure, often labelling their goals as “impossible.”

Some don’t.

With failure an inevitable phenomena at some point in our lives, is the amount of emotional support we receive consequent to that failure, critical to developing perseverance?

I am interested in why and how people can be encouraged to persevere in life’s challenges.

Is the secret to perseverance having a solid supportive network of friends or family who love and believe in you? A group who are willing to offer encouragement and help when you need it?

When things do go wrong, or you sense that you have failed, it is precisely the time that such support is critical, according to Annette Simmons, who wrote ‘The Storyfactor.’

The relationships you develop in your lifetime can sustain you when your emotional reserves feel tapped out. The support you receive will reflect the support you give over the years. Emotional support operates on the principle of reciprocity. Emotional support given eventually translates to emotional support received. Building sustaining relationships is your best strategy to last the distance to move mountains. [p.155]

Kind of karmic advice, would you say?

[Perhaps it is something that ‘Are you okay?’ day already goes some way to examine].

For this year, 2024, my goal is to check if I am facing, or know of anyone facing goals that I or they might be struggling with? And if so, would I then consider:

• How willing might I be to act as an emotional support to that person?
• Has the phenomenon of emotionally supporting persons changed in recent times? Are people less likely to help others?

and finally, I ask:

• Do you have any other secrets to perseverance you would like to share with me?

Wisdoms and Words of Inspiration

Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.
Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, for one day ~
Robert L. Stevenson

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Author Dale Carnegie commented on the high rate of hospital in-patients admitted for mental illness – almost half of all patients.

He noted:

…Too many people allow themselves to collapse under the crushing burdens of accumulated yesterdays and fearful tomorrows.

Dale Carnegie

Dale believed the cause of those crushing burdens to be the lack of awareness of living the ‘present moment.’ That is where we are living this very second you are reading this post.

It is but a small moment of time – an intersection between the millennia of the past and the future yet to be experienced.

Both Carnegie and Stevenson warn us we should accept life does not happen in the past so we cannot live there, nor can we live in the future. To attempt to do so causes anxiety and problems, which Dale believes causes issues physically and mentally.

He urges us to dispel worry about any blunders we made yesterday; to not spend those precious moments of time in a physical and mental hell by fretting about the future.

All we have is this precise moment before it slips through our fingers and is gone forever.

According to Dale, if we concentrate on living in the moment today, then better tomorrows will inevitably follow.

By all means, plan for tomorrow, he says, but do so without panic or regret.

Get the facts and push on from there.

Enjoy the good times for they never last.

Enjoy the bad times for they never last.

Thanks to Yvette from Priorhouse Blog for connecting me with the above wisdom.

Finding Time to Write and Starting NaNoWriMo

In many ways, writers live for story and we live through story. I can’t think of many jobs better than telling stories all the time. I like to think of writing as life distilled. Writers point out the moments and details of life we miss in our fast-paced society.

Writing can draw you deeper into the moment. It can help you understand people and why they do the things they do. If you want to write well, the writing itself will force you to experience your life more fully ~ Joe Bunting.

In the real world, it is stories, fictional and non-fictional, that connect us. We share friends snippets of our lives in the form of a story. Stories that motivate, amuse, anger, confront and console us, and make us smile, and possibly even help us to deal with emotions we may not know how to process.

Joining NaNoWriMo

Confession time- This month, most of my writing will contribute to NaNoWriMo, something I’ve not participated in before.

[NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month – run by a not-for-profit organization to promotes creative writing around the world].

I write professionally for work and I write for pleasure in a variety of forms. These kinds of writing pieces [Thanks Ineke for that tip] can be added to the daily word count. Which is substantial ~

50,000 words for the month of November.

Gasp!

If ever I were to write a book, writing 50,000 words in just four weeks would certainly get the project off to a flying start.

This is my motivation.

Simply talking about writing a book doesn’t cut the mustard. Talk is Talk and NaNoWriMo is about action. As editing comes later, one won’t get caught up with the finer details. Good.

The noble and neighbourly, but never ever nosy, NaNoWriMo emails have given me the following suggestions on how best to complete the writing goal, given my individual circumstances. These are the suggestions:

I. Complete two 40-minute writing sessions on weekdays = 800 words/day.

This is laughingly achievable.

Without editing, and for someone prone to rambling, 800 words is a spit in the ocean. But then, there is this:

II. Complete 6 hours of writing split between days off = 4,250 words

Potentially much more tricky! The jury’s still out on whether this is doable.

NanoWriMo’s Suggestions of getting up early to write sound fine in theory, but my mornings are way too busy.

I am up at 5, doing meditation, Yoga or Qigung, then several times a week there is walking for an hour or so and coffee, before I start work…. you get the picture. I could go all Ayurvedic and rise at 4am! Sunrise is currently around 4.45 am and the Magpies were hunting in my garden for worms at 4am this morning….hmmm.

But the NaNoWriMo team also had a good suggestion for diving right into the writing session: Leave a hook during your shorter writing sessions. Stop in the middle of a scene, or even a sentence, so that you can dive right into the thick of things when you begin again.

Questions for Bloggers

Have you ever deliberately half-finished a blog post so that you could pick it up again easily?

Did that help you dive back into writing again?

Have you ever completed NaNoWriMo?

If so, was it useful? Tips? Downsides? Upsides?