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More Confidence ~ Sunday Quotes

Forestwood

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” 

says Barrie Davenport. I wonder if Barrie has ever had problems with confidence himself? It is not easy for everyone to just ‘do confidence.’

Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels.com

But then Eleanor offers us her wisdom with a very grounding quote:

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Andre Dubus, American writer of short stories, novels, and essays, thinks personality quirks and introversion contributes to how confidence a person might be.

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” ~ Andre Dubus

I know some shy people who would be horrified to think that they might be considered narcissist, but I do see what Andre means. In some cases, people who are shy are more internally focused than others. They may want to be accepted, included and to avoid social rejection, but falsely believe everything must be perfect in order to avoid a negative judgement. Accepting who they are can be incredibly empowering and inadvertantly increase self-confidence.

Having said all of that, if someone is content being shy and happy the way life is, that’s no problem at all.

Self-confidence can be crucial in professional sports as Arthur Ashe, Tennis pro points out:

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” –Arthur Ashe

The final comment comes from Eker, a motivational speaker. While somewhat inclusive it seeks to normalizes a lack of confidence alluding to attitude as being crucial. It offers some insight into combating and overcoming difficult emotions.

Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them.” –T. Harv Eker

Do any of these quotes speak to you?

Published by Forestwood

A philosophic Aussie writes here at StPA, one who will readily admit to loving Scandinavia. I'm interested in global politics and what drives us to be who we are. Scratch the surface and you'll find a practical Environmentalist with an egalitarian bent, trying to unleash a little creativity via the written word. Scandinavian culture, literature and traditions are close to my heart, even though I'm Australian. Travel and courteous discussions greatly broaden the mind, so I travel if I can and am always up for a vigorous, respectful discussion. I'm an avid reader, a writer and I enjoy photography and crafts, particularly traditional art forms. I hope you'll find 'Something to Ponder About,' in my WordPress Community.

67 thoughts on “More Confidence ~ Sunday Quotes”

  1. Arthur Ashe ! – talk about a blast from the past ..
    Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote is brilliant; and I believe you provided another from her a while back, equally delightful. I might adopt her as my guru. [grin]

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  3. Great post and quotes!
    One of my faves: “As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are – what others say is irrelevant.”
    ― Nic Sheff

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    1. Thank you Terry for the quote and the wonderful comment. I do like the quote you mentioned as it speaks to acceptance of oneself. Acceptance can be powerful and so empowering it can lead to more feelings of contentment. And contentment often leads to happiness and gratitude.

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  4. I love both the Roosevelt an Dubus quotes! We can’t really know what’s going on in someone else’s head, and more often than not I suspect when we think they are judging us, they might just as well be silently making a list in their head about what they have to do to finish the day. Even those of us who think we can read body language really well, often get it completely wrong!

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    1. Body language is such a subjective can of worms, isn’t it? You’re so right – we can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head but so often all of us try and work it out. And we likely guess wrong, leading to misunderstanding and at worse, conflict. Maintaining the viewpoint that Eleanor takes has benefited me in in the social context. People’s lives are so busy and so involved they’re very rarely thinking for long about others or dwelling on their actions. It’s a powerful thing to remember if you’re shy person, as Dubus alludes.

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    1. Helen, I agree that preparation leans towards better outcomes. Eleanor was truly inspirational in many of her quotes. I find hers so pertinent and timeless that I am interested to know more about her. What do you know of her?

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      1. As First Lady she pushed for civil rights for African Americans…not a popular move at that time…pushed for the U.S.A. to join the U.N. to whose General Assembly she was the U.S. delegate and played a part in the development of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

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      2. She’s now the topic of my future research. She sounds ahead of her time. Which makes me curious as to why she may have developed those progressive thoughts in an era where women were more invisible than today.

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    1. If send to be a popular choice, Maggie. Although I had heard of her, I don’t know anything of her life or how her inspiration was derived. Historically, this is what happened to women.

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  9. I remember way back in grade school when I was dealing with the usual young person’s bouts of insecurity, my mother shared Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote with me. Although it didn’t instantly cure me of my feelings, it opened up a whole new way of looking at the situation. Now, as a much older adult, I can fully embrace – and appreciate – her words.

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    1. It’s really wonderful to hear that your mother was across Eleanor’s wisdom, Janis and that you were able to rethink a common age related challenge. I would have liked to have heard that myself as a teenager. Perhaps I would not have absorbed it completely, but it would have helped me combat negative thoughts about judgement from peers and society.
      I was in my mid twenties when a wise man told me a similar thing. Suddenly it made sense. I have told it to my children at various times in various ways.

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  10. The late actress Katherine Hepburn once said it “never occurred to me to doubt myself,” and I thought she’s so arrogant she can’t even make a lie sound plausible! Everyone has doubts about themselves at various times in their life; some just deal with it better. I wasn’t one of them. I grew up very shy and lacking self-confidence. I didn’t start growing out of that until about the time I turned 30. Yes, I know that makes me a “late bloomer” in that regard, but I finally made it!

    When I was a teenager, an aunt told me, “You’re your own best friend.” I’ve never forgotten that, and it makes so much more sense now. People have to respect and empower themselves – no one else can do it for you.

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    1. “People have to respect and empower themselves – no one else can do it for you” – those are true and wise words Alejandro, but I do think for some people – there needs to be a trigger for them to empower and respect themselves; an understanding of the bigger picture. The reflections of others, such as wisdoms, like Eleanor’s, can really help coalesce that thinking. Interesting that several people have said that they were able to fully embrace the words as an adult even though they may have heard the advice, when they were younger.

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  11. “Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.”
    So beautiful quote. & Post.vi Like!

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    1. Self-confidence is a skill one can master, Raj? I agree. Although it may depend on what exactly causes the perceived shyness in the first place. A determined person can change things about themselves through practice. With each small success, comes encouragement. Shy people miss out on so much. If they are happy given they do, then it is not a problem. If they are shy and not happy, well then it is really up to them to work out how to change, observe others, learn and apply themselves.

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      1. Yes, I agree with with you nice write reply me. That’s observe others, learn & apply themselves! “If they are happy given they do, then it is not a problem. If they are shy and not happy, well then it is really up to them to work out how to change,” !🙋

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  13. I’m much less shy as a middle-aged woman than I was as a girl or young adult. I think I’ve always had a sense of confidence in my self but I was quite sensitive to what others thought (ie: I hope I didn’t make them feel bad or angry or insulted, etc.) or how they responded (I really felt awful when getting negative feedback or “in trouble” by authority figures when I messed up). These last years, living in a different country, losing my parents, I care (still but MUCH) less about what others think, especially if I feel “right” or “confident” in what I am saying or doing. But I still care when it’s someone I respect.

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    1. That desire to please and be liked is strong in most people and the fear of being negatively judged is I believe prominent for many shy people. For these people, life experience and age does seem to dilute these thoughts. Sensitivity in most cases seems to decrease through lived scenarios and broadening comparisons. It is not such a bad thing to still “care” about what others think. If we didn’t care at all, then we really could be labelled a true narcissist.

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  14. Interesting topic! I flutter somewhere between both ends of the spectrum depending on the situation. Some people (in a professional setting) make me lose all self-confidence and I always wonder why. I guess I get the feeling that they can’t understand me, we’re not on the same page. I don’t know if being prepared can help solve that, although in many cases I agree that helps.

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    1. I am glad you think it is an interesting topic, Snow – as your answer is interesting too. I can relate to certain people throwing your self-confidence and for me this also often occurred in a professional setting, or when meeting a dignitary or such like. No doubt being well- prepared does help as does exposure. Getting to know the other person or audience diminishes my perceived anxieties. However, since taking on a professional writing role, I have noted that other people are nervous around me!! What a turn-about. And I think I am the last person to make anyone nervous or lacking in self-confidence! I haven’t yet worked out what dynamic is at play here. Other than they could be on the record saying a wrong thing?

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      1. Perhaps! Or they aren’t used to being interviewed? I haven’t had that experience.
        (On a side note, now that I’m writing professionnally too, it’s interesting how different clients are. Some are just ”Great! Go ahead and publish it” and others make soooo many alterations and comments while proofreading. I always think this is aboyt confidence, too, and we bloggers have the advantage of being used to hitting the publish-button without anxiety. I’ve learned to let go of the need for it to be 100% PERFECT. I’m curious to know if you’ve had any similar experiences lately?)
        As for the original discussion we were having, yes, getting to know e.g. co-workers better probably is a great solution for lessening anxiety!

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      2. I think prior experience of being interviewed definitely contributes to how nervous a subject may or may not feel. Jounalists have a reputation here for being scary and incisive and the clients must feel they have to be on guard for any probing questions. Some clients need time to search for an answer and I see politicians are more consummate in this regard.
        I have also noticed and can sooo relate to the differences in clients’ reactions. Most people are happy for me to publish the story with no or minimal alterations. Other clients, like a Doctor I interviewed fancied himself as a writer, or perhaps had a significant ego and wished to promote his business. He re-wrote my entire article changing all but one paragraph! Even his direct quotes from my audio recording, he altered in the proof!
        My editor handled it superbly and in the end, the client agreed to have my version published.
        After all, I am paid to write HIS story.

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      3. I can relate with your dr story! I have one particular client who rewrites everything and the end result is horrible. But it’s his website and his business, so he gets to decide. Whatever I do, it’s never right, according to him. Meanwhile, other clients are praising me. It feels almost like bullying!

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      4. I am lucky that we have the final editorship say on the text in our newspaper, unless they are full fee paying ads! What a pain your client is and I can imagine it feels like bullying. But then, why exert yourself for him at all as he sounds like he will change it all whatever you write. Sure, if his wish is to have a below par website, so be it. Who is anyone to prevent him learning a lesson he needs to learn? (as long as your name is not diplayed as the creator).

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  15. Interesting quotes. I think Andre Dubus idea that shyness is a form of narcissism is off, but maybe he’s right. I’d say the shyness is often a way of self-protection and requires a different kind of self-confidence than being outwardly social. 

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    1. Andre Dubus could indeed be totally wrong, Ally! And thanks for raising that thought, Ally. As I mentioned above, if we stopped caring completely what other people think, that might be close to a true narcissist. So how could shyness emanating from fears of negative judgement lead to the same attitude? I do get that shy people can be obsessed about their appearance, making them seem self-obsessed, but the reasons for this are totally different from what Dubus suggests.

      Apologies for the slow reply. I haven’t had access to Jetpack for the month until today. – (Phone issues and being out of the country.)

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  18. Reading your post, it made me wonder what ‘shy’ means. As in, how one defines the word ‘shy’. I was recently asked if I was a ‘shy’ person and I really had to ponder the question. For me, I see shy as being timid and nervous about speaking up around others – but in saying that it can contribute to a lack of confidence.

    Definitely agree with you that those who are shy are generally more internally focused. I don’t think I fit Andrew Dubus’ notion of shy. Rather, I’d say I don’t feel shy but more so confident in who I am and don’t mind being around others some of the time – just that I choose to keep to myself. Quietness can be misinterpreted as a lack of confidence.

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    1. Hey Mabel, It seems that Dubus was off the mark to many readers. I get where he is coming from but feel that his quote does not take in account all the perspectives and reasons.

      Shy is quite a subjective term when you think about it.

      Shyness as a comprehensive term was more widespread in previous times, I think. When I was young, if you were quiet and more introverted by nature, you were labelled shy. Labels don’t help to understand the personality dynamic at play.

      Now, introversion is I think a more acceptable feature of personality. Recognition that we are all individuals and can not be swallowed up in one label. In a world 3/4 full of extroverts, introverts are a minority.

      Then there are some people for whom shyness can lead to depression and mental disorders – and that is sad. Their focus is too fixated internally and perhaps underlying issues compound the shyness.

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      1. You said it well, Amanda, that shyness is a subjective term. There are different degree of shyness and each of us probably have different interpretations of it. Agreed, labels don’t help all the time and not everyone fits a label. Quietness is certainly more accepted these days, and there is more awareness about how we all present ourselves and communicate with each other in different ways. As you said, introversion is more acceptable and the traits that come with being introverted can be very important (e.g. listening, reflection).

        Agreed that shyness and low self-esteem can lead to mental disorders. There may be trauma or issues in the past that is a cause, and sometimes certain habits don’t help either. For some, becoming more confident is a journey and a trait that can be learned over time.

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      2. That’s a great point about listening and reflecting being important skills, Mabel. The quiet achiever is a valued member of any workplace team!
        And yes, shyness as a character trait does also touch on the methods by which we communicate.
        Somewhat a learned skill that can be enhanced. While introversion is fixed, I believe it can be modified with determination, attitude and training, should the person be so invested. An introvert may not necessarily become an extrovert, but they could learn how to behave and communicate differently if introversion was a particular problem for them.

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      3. Indeed, the quiet value is a deserved valued member of any workplace team. And also in any friendgroup. I think a balance of personalities is essential in encouraging each other to both listen and speak up – making everyone feel comfortable and confident.

        Skills and attributes can be developed over time. It’s important to remember that there are different ways of development. For instance, some may find practising public speaking helps with their confidence, others may find practising small talk with their friends works better.

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  19. “Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them.”

    👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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    1. You make a great point there! Successful people are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. They possess flaws and suffer anxiety, I guess, just like anyone. Perhaps not to the same extent and more pertinent to the outcome, not with the same reactive attitude to the threat that others that are paralysed by their anxiety feel. We can learn from this.

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      1. Yeah. Like you stated, the difference lies in how successful people deal with those uncomfortable emotions and come back stronger than before. That’s what sets them apart.

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