Can You Cuddle and Hug Too Much?

“Mum says it is okay to kiss and hug someone you love.”

Case #1 – Foreign Language Film

I was watching a foreign movie wherein the protagonist who was a student of psychology remarked to a guest at a party:

“New studies show that if you cuddle your children too much, they will become drug addicts later in life.”

A surprising remark!

I understood that physical contact in terms of warm cuddles and hugs were extremely beneficial and comforting to all, when appropriate. Our brain secrete hormones like serotonin and oxytocin into the body when we’re physically affectionate, producing feelings of connection, bonding, and trust.

Once parenting progressed past the ‘spare the rod and spoil the child,’ philosophy so prevalent in the post-war era, I’d understood that there was no such thing as too much hugs for a young child. Studies seemed to confirm this.

“The amount of physical contact between infants and their caregivers can affect children at the molecular level…..children who had been more distressed as infants and had received less physical contact had a molecular profile that was underdeveloped for their age. Sciencedaily.com

So there were consequences for children who lacked physical contact. Children raised in Romanian orphanages, for example, with negligible physical contact lagged behind in all milestones and displayed recalcitrant behavioural issues, like anxiety or mal-adapted relationships.

Years ago, I spoke to a woman who was struggling through a messy divorce. She was adamant the only thing that kept her sane through the whole messy legal process, was to have regular massage from a therapist – the emotional benefits of physical touch! She then went on to change careers from a desk job to opening her own successful massage business.

So we can all agree that hugs are good, right?

Case #2 – At the Optometrist’s Reception Room

A young colleague is sitting in the Optometrist’s reception area awaiting an eye test. A child is playing there, while its mother is being seen by a clinician in an adjoining room. The child appears to become infatuated with my twenty-something colleague, approaching her, kissing her repeatedly on the arm and hugging my colleague, telling her, “I love you, as she sat waiting for her appointment.

Perhaps the young school-aged child had a disorder, no sense of stranger danger nor any idea of what is socially appropriate, but despite being asked to stop his behaviour by both my colleague and the receptionist, the child continued, saying “Mum says it is okay to kiss and hug someone you love.”

Addiction is too strong a word for this situation, but after seeing the film in Case #1 I wondered – Could too many hugs trigger a need in vulnerable individuals that could lead to more risk-taking pursuits? A reaction to an intolerance of discomfort?

A need, desire or dependency for that warm fuzzy bodily feeling triggered by the release of oxytocin/dopamine/serotonin hormones in the brain?

A strong insatiable desire to feel good instantly, when something negative happens to them. Or something that may in the extreme, manifest as a compulsion or an addiction to hugs and physical comfort and even sex or substances that induce similar effects?

The following is a comment found on Reddit in response to the topic:

Couples that cuddle can become addicted to one another. Symptoms of withdraw can occur when apart as a result of the hormone oxytocin, “the cuddling drug.”

This respondent encapsulated what many others said on that thread:

“Physical affection is a drug in almost every sense of the word. I
remember towards the end of my last relationship, cuddling literally
felt like getting a fix and after we broke up the withdrawal was real.”

From the website Psych central: New research, however, suggests that oxytocin must be used carefully because too much oxytocin (in healthy young adults) can actually result in over-sensitivity to the emotions of others.

Like everything in life, I guess treading the middle path is the best choice.