Australian Humour

Australians are renowned for a wry sense of humour. If there is something we do well down under, it is to poke fun at each other in a friendly ironic kind of way. This is not to offend, but merely to spread around a little joy and to lighten the mood. A laugh can be a wonderful health booster.

It’s been a tradition here at Something to Ponder About to publish a tongue-in-cheek Australiana post, in typical Australian fashion, in a nod to Australia Day, which is presently celebrated on January 26th, (the date of which becomes more and more controversial every year).

Then he asked, ‘So what is Australia like?’

Over the years, foreigners and overseas friends have referred to me as an “ARSE-TRAIL-LIAN.” Not because I have been rude or obnoxious, it is just their pronunciation or accent. Which is kind of funny in an ironic way – as we do live ‘down-under’ -the ‘arse’ end of the world!

Given that our homeland is affectionately called ‘Straya’ – we should perhaps be called ‘A-stray-ans’ more and ‘Arse-trailians’ less.

Who are Australians Anyway?

You don’t have to go back far to find Australians are immigrants. Even the indigenous people traveled here by sea or land bridges some 80,000 years ago.

Our nations embraces Indigenous, Asian, British, South African, Greek or Italian and many other heritages, besides that lot that jumped ship from across the ditch (aka New Zealand).

We do regard New Zealand as our sibling country. We poke reciprocal fun at Kiwis and they at us Aussies, most of all. We fight about which nation claims the Pavlovas, Lamingtons and Russell Crowe, as their own. Neither side takes offence. It is just that friendly banter style of communication we have with our closest neighbours across the ditch – in that ironic kind of way.

Goodness, even our constitution listed New Zealand as a ‘state of Australia’, but the Kiwis didn’t agree and opted out. Good on them, I say.

Questions and Answers for Those New to Australia

For those who don’t know us, here’s a Q & A to get you acquainted.

Q: What is Australia like?

A: A more or less egalitarian country fringed by spectacular beaches, with a whole lot of red desert in the middle.

Q. Is Australia a country, a continent, or an island?

A: It is all three.

Q: What is the weather like?

A: In most of the country, there are only two seasons – warm and too darn hot.

Q: How hot does it get?

A: Summer in Australia lasts for five months with temperatures reaching 38- 42 degrees celsius. Australians cool off at the beach in summer and get horribly sunburnt. Sunscreen is an absolute must and unless you are super-diligent about applying it, you will get sunburnt. Twenty years after a bad sunburn experience, we become wrinkle-ly and Doctors excise skin cancers from our nose and face. Shit happens.

Q: What is the most important thing to have with you, when visiting Australia?

A: Water. It is crucial. Drink at least 3 litres a day. Don’t leave home without it, or you could die – of heatstroke.

Q: What language do Australians speak?

A: We speak English and add lots of slang. We pronounce Melbourne as Mel-bin, Brisbane as Bris-bin, Sydney as Sydney and Australia as Oz. Most Aussies think we have the best country in the world, but that is debatable – but only by the other countries.

NB. Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you have lived for several years. It won’t end well. Trust me on that. Read more on the Aussie Slanguage here.

Q: Are Australians good at swimming?

A: Yes, yes and yes. We need some way to escape the crocodiles! Every Australia learns to swim before they can crawl. Almost.

Q: Can Australia kill you?

A: Between spiders, killer sharks, deadly stingers, crocodiles in the fresh and the saltwater plus the most venomous snakes in the world, Australia can kill you. It just doesn’t happen all that often. 

Take cattle farmer Colin Deveraux’ – he even fended off an attack from a 3.2 metre crocodile by biting it back – on its eyelid! No longer Crocodile Dundee – it’s now Crocodile Deveraux!

Q: Are Australians friendly to foreigners?

A: Yes, Aussies are always willing to say g’day and help out a stranger in ‘strife,’ as long as you don’t tell them what to do. We have a bit of a ‘class’ chip on our shoulder, stemming from colonial days.

Q: Do Kangaroos hop down the middle of Australian streets?

A: Yes, sometimes. It depends on which street and the weather.

Q. Do Australian hamburgers contain beetroot?

A: Who eats a burger without beetroot? Come on! It’s essential – period.

Q: Are Australians weird?

A: We call a WeedWacker, a ‘Whipper-Snipper’, and a traffic cone is a Witch’s hat. Is that weird? It’s your call.

Oh, but what is weird is our love of constructing exaggerated sized and typically tacky tourist attractions. For reasons yet undetermined. Examples include- The Big Pineapple, The Big Banana and The Big Prawn – all iconic landmarks. [Nuff said.]

So on January 26, chuck a sanga on the barbie for Straya day, mate!

Happy January 26th, Australia.