“At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, walked through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully but Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.
The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter “written” by the doll saying, “please don’t cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures.”
Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka’s life.
During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable. Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.
“It doesn’t look like my doll at all,” said the girl.
Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote:
“My travels have changed me.”
The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home. A year later Kafka died.
Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:
“Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”
Embrace the change. It’s inevitable for growth.
Together we can shift pain into wonder and love, but it is up to us to consciously and intentionally create that connection.
A beautiful idea to help children deal with loss and change. A simple act that has so much meaning.
Letter, stories and books often are of help to children deal with strong emotions.
I note that some in society acknowledge this way less than others. Complete perfection is impossible, unnatural, yet many continue to strive for it. Whole industries support the desire for perfection.
In whose eyes?
Could it not be a natural and normal state for us to be imperfect? For a person without flaws is hard to find. Imperfection comprises many a conversation topic over dinner, in thinly veiled complaints with a neighbour or chatting with a sympathetic friend, in the stories, books and academic circles. Just look at the sales of self-help books!
To strive to do better, to be better is an overarching wish. In raw, biological terms that drive is tied to survival. Trial and error, therefore, is a gift, a key to opening the door of knowledge, realisation and connection, the instrument to do better.
For in each clumsy attempt to do better, we do indeed learn something; we grow, we evolve. Even if we stumble again and again, we learn what doesn’t work, often despite our actions failing miserably time after time. A tenacious person falls seven times but gets up eight. For them, the inner drive to succeed is robust and unyielding, whilst others give in to apathy after the first failed attempt – their silver lining somewhat blackened.
Mistakes can be motivating or can be soul-destroying and an excuse for chronic apathy. Some mistakes are hard to take provoking strong emotions. The emotions can be pervasive, triggering feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, anger and disappointment. We judge ourselves to have failed in some way, to have made a grave mistake, and we expected to do better.
Yet with each perceived failure, we do grow: armed with knowledge and better equipped next time a situation or problem arises. Intransigent folks might take longer to heed the subtleties of trial and error and so their journey becomes rocky, torturous and gruelling. They fling away or dismiss the gift of trial and error as if it’s irrelevant junk mail or a card belatedly received long after the day of celebration.
In that case, it may be worth revisting the words of Henry Van Dyke, who said, “Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul.”
We all begin life wanting to succeed, to achieve, to develop, to reach a level of contentment and surrounding environmental influences antagonise our conscience with self-admonishment or self-criticism.
Why are we so hard on ourselves when mistakes can be a gift, a learning process?
Trial and error is part of that journey. Understanding that might just be a liberating step forward in the narrative of life.
Random draft post found on my blog that probably should be published. A good song with plenty of sageful advice. Questions from a challenge About me?
Lyrics are found at the bottom of the post
About Me
How would you describe what your blog is about?
I blog about things that are important to me or information that is useful to others, with a heavy emphasis on my traditional art and craft, photography and essential life matters but this is not fixed in stone.
Do you see your blog changing (as in expanding or developing in any way) at some stage in the future?
I certainly hope so, but if it stays as it is, i.e. my own almanac/ journal for future descendants and anyone interested enough to read it, I will be content.
Do you write your blog posts straight onto the WordPress page or onto a word document first?
Straight into the HTML WordPress page, as I have had trouble getting consistent formatting with Word. Why? The computer gremlins inside my devices may wish to explain that for me…
When you write, do you need to be on your own or are you happy to write with others around you?
Easy to write when it is quiet, unless it is a photographic post and then I have no problem if my family are chatting, close by. I prefer to participate in social situations – to resort to technology on those occasions, is isolating.
Which is your favourite species of tree, and why do you like it?
Conifers! They are evergreen, even in the snow, and have intriguing branchlets instead of leaves. Normally I would like something functional as a favourite object, ie. something that doubles as a food source as well as being aesthetic, but conifers are exceptional! They come in so many varieties and always have a welcoming permanence, and a nice shape.
If you were to have a day out somewhere easily reachable from your home, where would it be?
To somewhere near the water with lots of greenery and fresh air to breathe. Not a problem if the greenery is covered in snow, but that is extremely unlikely to happen, so either way, it’s all good.
Which ‘celebration’ (annual or otherwise) in the country where you live do you enjoy the most?
A fireworks spectacular or a food festival. It is fun to try different dishes or cuisine, and who can resist a fireworks display? Huge waste of money, and so transient, but darn mesmerizing, when it happens.
Which way would you choose to travel, given the choice: car or train?
Both appeal, so this is difficult to choose either one. Perhaps the car as it affords one more freedom in terms of the route chosen.
Which subject did you enjoy the most at school?
Japanese and when I could no longer do that – History and Geography – isn’t that a given?
What do you think is the best thing about being a woman today?
The freedoms we have that are denied to some people, be they male or female: freedom to travel and move about, to vote, to love who we want, to work where we wish (mostly), the freedom to wear fashionable clothes, or not, if we wish. There is more work to be done, but we have self-determination, and the freedom for a man to romance us if we choose. Freedom to vote is very important to me, given that women once were willing to go to extremes to achieve this simple right!
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97 Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they’ve faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked You are not as fat as you imagine
Don’t worry about the future Or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum The real troubles in your life Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults If you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life The most interesting people I know Didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees You’ll miss them when they’re gone
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the ‘Funky Chicken’ On your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room Read the directions even if you don’t follow them Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past And the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go But a precious few, who should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle For as the older you get The more you need the people you knew when you were young Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old And when you do, you’ll fantasise that when you were young Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble And children respected their elders
Respect your elders
Don’t expect anyone else to support you Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse But you never know when either one might run out
Don’t mess too much with your hair Or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85
Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it’s worth
That old adage… Life is a journey, not a destination! Have you heard it? I have been pondering my own journey, my own path, of late.
Many of us start keen, enthusiastic, running and jumping through the years, none too concerned about potholes or hazards dismissed as temporary obstacles along my path. I tended to follow the path where it took me, not too concerned with the destination ahead. I wasn’t big on long term planning.
I discovered several paths that did not turn out to be thoroughfares at all; in fact, they were dead ends. Other paths required me to take a u-turn, and still others that were so filled with darkness that I turned, then ran from them, back towards the light.
Impending family responsibilities might allow you the luxury of a rethink of career objectives. Mostly this occurs around he birth of children, sometimes it is caring for elderly relatives. The sandwich generation.
Again and again, I have taken paths, convinced that my future destination lay ahead. Some time down the track, the journey became so arduous, the scenery so different to what I had envisaged, that once again I had to admit, this was not the right path for me.
Australia
Now, as I explore a new path, a divergent pathway, I hope, crossing my fingers that not only this path will be a more enlightened one, but that I will also grow stronger with the obstacles that inevitably arise with any new challenge. That I will not trip and fall, but rather will be content, handle and perhaps, better anticipate any problems.
I have learnt many things and enjoyed accumulating knowledge on all the past paths that I have tread. But would it have been better to be a virtuoso of one path, or adept at the many potholes of the few?
Have I bettered my experience or that of others for taking a multitude of paths?
In the end, we all reach the destination and the imprint in history will be the judge.
What about you?
Would you take a different path given your time again? Would a long term vision have sent you in a different direction?
Is Joseph Campbell on the money? In stumbling, we find our greatest treasure?
I am interested in hearing your thoughts.
Good luck on your journey and may our paths cross someday.
Marsha explores more of her destination and features more ponderings.
Something to Ponder About 