Over at Marsha’s blog, Story Chat is a piece of prose written by a blogger, posted twice a month. Other writers are invited to comment about the story and give feedback. My story ‘Home Ship Home,’ was posted earlier this week and has received some very detailed and interesting analysis from the readers. So much so, that I have been moved to re-blog the post – something so unusual that it has only been done once or before – in fourteen years of blogging!
Opening Lines in Narratives
In particular, one blogger wrote that he liked my opening gambit – a line of dialogue aimed at grabbing the reader’s attention – in the middle of the action, rather than a lengthy setting description or back story. Goal achieved.
My topic was a difficult one. I wrote this as a tragedy not a suicide.
Some readers wondered about whether the protagonists’ relationship was romantic. It might have been, but their lifestyles and background were diametrically opposed. It is something I might need to clarify so that readers aren’t confused.
I also needed to expand on Manny’s backstory and his work history that revealed his impulsive nature. This suggestion was that the character saying that the job sucks was overblown. Fair point but did it communicate his un-employability? I was hoping his expectations of starting a company when he couldn’t hold down a unskilled job were also indicative of his exuberance and youthful impracticality.
Lost in Translation
Highlighting how stories can get lost in translations in other countries, languages or cultures, outside one’s social milieu, one blogger questioned the switch from full name to using a nickname for Manfred. We do that in Australia – all the time! Shortening one’s name is a way to show the other person affection, a closer friendship, or bonding. I am now mindful that a global audience has different interpretations and expectations in creative writing! Thank you!
There were plot junctures I found more difficult when I wrote and updated this story and it wasn’t lost by the Story Chat readers. When Holly is at home hearing the news report, one suggestion was that the news should have just taken Holly’s breath away with hopes that this wasn’t her friend who was involved. And another wrote that she could have a short conversation with herself about why she was so optimistic that it couldn’t be her friend.
These are excellent suggestions I will use!
I do agree I also conveyed a plot hole – getting the plotline to sit for a week and how Holly discovers Manfred was indeed the victim was tricky for me to plan. The police were in fact, no longer at the bridge, but their cordon was still in place on a section of rail, because police investigations take time to complete. Perhaps the time frame of a week wasn’t plausible?
How long would a police cordon of crime scene yellow tape stay in place? Only 24 hours, or a week?
And the torn cardboard with the ominous words – a clue left for the reader – might indeed have been snavelled as police evidence, or would it?
How would a random bit of cardboard be important in an accidental death? Only the reader and the main characters have any knowledge of its significance.
All the comments were very well appreciated and I will use them to improve the story. Were the quotes necessary and could the story stand alone without them?
Another excellent point I will take on board.
Happy Endings in Stories
As a tragedy along Freytag’s pyramid lines, this story doesn’t have a happy ending but the end quote sums up the lesson therein.
Various other commenters mentioned they prefer happy ending. That this might be an American preference. I am more realistic in my stories and I like to leave the reader with a message or something deeper to think about. In this case, treasure the present moments with friends.
Do you prefer happy endings to stories? Or realism?
The comments so generously shared contributed to a very big smile for me this week so I am including this in fellow story-writer and blogger Trent’s Weekly Smile. There you will find more than a few happy endings.
Something to Ponder About 
Realism…something to chew on, not the fluffy happy ever after stuff.
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We concur, Helen!
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I prefer realism that sometimes leads to a happy ending while other times goes elsewhere. Plus your ending has to be true to how you, the writer, see things… not what a focus group tells you.
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I think you’re right in saying that an ending has to suit the writer, Ally. Because they are the one writing the words. Words that will most likely sound hollow if a writer was to pen something tailored only to the audience’s preference. Well crafted fiction stories or posts head in a direction the writer may instinctively feel – a direction the plot and character take readers in order to be compelling and authentic. Happy endings resolve ‘nicely’ and conveniently, perhaps buoying our senses, but if every story did that, would our satisfaction in life be partially diminished? Real life involves compromise, acceptance and change, not always happy endings. We get better at handling disappointments and unhappy endings as we grow up and are exposed to challenges. Is this the only purpose of entertainment- escapism to unreality?
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Great comment, Ally. Happy endings have to follow naturally. Amanda’s turned out not to be happy, but in the long run – who knows if Holly had gotten emotionally attached. It could have happened later in life, and that would have been much worse.
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It depends on the story. I usually prefer a realistic ending, and I do not like it when everything is tied up too neatly, like a Hallmark movie. But sometimes I do like to see a happy ending especially if there is growth or change involved.
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Amanda, I love what you have done here with your analysis of the comments. I definitely will link this post to the summary post I will do in a week. It has been a pleasure to host you. You are awesome about chatting with the other chatters! 🙂 xxx
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Thanks, Marsha
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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I learned a lot from your summery. It gave me more insight into when what must be written.
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It was a fabulous critique that I was very appreciative of.
Some excellent hints and objective perspectives any of us can use to improve our writing.
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For sure a lot of positive critique.
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While I prefer happy endings as they offer some form of closure, I prefer realism because while life doesn’t always offer us happy endings, it always manages to amaze or surprise us in the least expected way.
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How the character overcomes the conflict or the problem is the most interesting. If the ends tie up too nicely, has the character’s story arc progressed?
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If the ends tie up, then the character and conflict have come a full circle, hasn’t it? Although I wouldn’t call it a circle, more like a spiral because the character wouldn’t be in the same spot as he/she started. I feel a happy ending just means a plot has ended and it’s time for another one to begin.
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I like your metaphor of a spiral or even an irregular loop. And there is also the possibility of writing a prequel or sequel as a follow up. What to do think about those?
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That will depend on the story. I’ve read some great sequels and prequels and some not-so-great ones. When I wrote my comment, I was thinking something along the lines of spin-offs. Just because one character’s story arc has closed doesn’t mean another character doesn’t have a story to tell.
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Ah yes. Indeed. Different points of view.
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Happy or realistic? I guess it depends on the story. Sometimes happy endings feel forced and ummmm… not realistic 🙂 Conversely, I think happy endings can also be realistic, right?
I think your story hit the right tone. Not every life is full of rainbows and unicorns.
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Life has more layers than rainbows and unicorns. I agree, Janis. I prefer realism and can feel deflated about movie that end conveniently with all happy reunions. Does this set up too many expectations? Perhaps. Is it escapism that provides light relief? Possibly. Perhaps it is accurate to say that we might need a little of both?
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Sadly, life isn’t all happy endings.
If happy endings are what you’re after, look out for those story magazines on your supermarket bookshelves.
I’m afraid I’ve only managed to get two of my stories published in those… and one of those magazines has since folded (bad pun purely a coincidence).
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Lighter stories can seem formulaic with a predictable happy ending. You are right, Cathy, life isn’t like that. I’m glad that you were able to get your stories published in the magazines. It’s sad that many publications around the world are closing down or ‘folding’
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I admit I tend to prefer happy endings. I’ve said it many times, I have enough sadness in my life I don’t read a lot of sad books. But not all stories are happy. Sad stories need to be told as well. This young man was still a child in many ways. I did not get a romance vibe so much as a desire to fix things for him. The sad part is, based on my interpretation of Manny’s time of life, he would likely have sabotaged her efforts to help. Now, my curiosity is whether she will give up on trying to help others or keep that part of herself and find ways to help those she can.
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I can absolutely see that happy endings whilst unrealistic, do provide an escapism is life is sad. Perhaps this is the main reason people prefer them. And I agree we need to tell sad stories too, but they can bring us down. Did you watch The Fault in our Stars? – very sad movie about young people with cancer, or the one with Tim Carroll (true story) about a father whose son got into drugs in a seriously damaging way. Heartbreaking movies I can’t bare to watch again. But cautionary tales and ones that encourage empathy all the same.
I had not thought about writing a sequel for Holly but it definitely is a possibility I will consider! Thanks for a lovely comment and encouragement. And I suspect you are right about Manfred – I think he would self-sabotage the new business idea. He had some issues to deal with before he could mature, no matter how much Holly wanted him to succeed.
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I usually, but not always, write happy endings, but I like stories that don’t have happy endings. (My Story Chat story did not have a happy ending, but not as sad as yours.) I don’t think happy endings is 100% an American thing since all of the classic American authors wrote many stories that did not have particularly happy endings. Think “Grapes of Wrath”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls” or “To Kill a Mockingbird”.
We shorten names in the US as well and I found that totally normal and I do it in my writing all of the time. On the other hand, I also try to use very simple names so I don’t have to or use ones that are super common – Robert = Bob; William = Bill, etc. But many people do have “pet names” or nick-names they call their friends and I think that is fine.
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Oh cool. Thanks for adding that about the nicknames. Good to know it is not just an Aussie thing.
As for happy endings, it is hard to write a tragedy with a happy ending! I was studying Freytag’s pyramidal plot structure recently and this story follows that pattern. The information I read mentioned that it is more common in older classics, Greek myths and the ones you mentioned. It also mentioned that contemporary versions are quite depressing, so perhaps I could re-visit Holly later experience and turn that around to something constructive in the conclusion. Thanks for sharing your feedback. I really appreciate it.
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No, tragedy and happy endings do not go well together! lol.
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Nicely done Amanda. I hadn’t seen Marsha’s new blog theme in posting short stories – it’s a good idea & very brave of you to participate in such an open format. I’ve done this but only with a closed group.
In terms of happy endings or realism … it depends on what & why I’m reading. If it’s just for relaxation then a realistic HEA is for me. If it’s for creative appreciation, then I’m more concerned with the style than final closure. I appreciate stories that have me thinking long after the ending. A story like “A Good Man is Hard to Find” by Flannery OConnor is an example. When I first read it, I didn’t appreciate it nor it’s ending. But it made an impression & kept me thinking. It’s that story that gets better with re-reading. It’s also a piece that’s been analyzed & critiqued up-down-&around-the-creek 😉
Here’s the story is you’re interested https://learning.hccs.edu/faculty/selena.anderson/engl2307/readings/a-good-man-is-hard-to-find-by-flannery-oconnor
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Thanks Sandy. The commentary feedback has been excellent and .ore than I hoped for. I haven’t read that story by O’Connor, but I will check it out.
I agree that those stories you think about long after they are finished are the best ones. Years ago I read The Potato Factory by Bryce Courtenay. I can’t remember the plot line now, but I do remember that it upset me for weeks afterwards. I couldn’t let the feeling of injustice go for quite a while. Other plots, particularly the ones that are convoluted have me pondering why the characters chose to make the decisions they did; trying to analyze their motives intrigues me as a reader, as well. Parasite and Burned are two Korean movie plots that spring to mind. Not short stories but they did evoke a strong after effect.
Are you contemplating writing creative nonfiction again or concentrating on your animation?
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Funny you should ask. I revisited a couple short stories I wrote & thought I’d rewrite and tighten them. Years of distance make clear the many imperfections ;-) But no, I’m not inclined to restart creative writing. Lately I’ve been playing in a different sandbox – drawing & visual arts! Soo much to learn with lots and lots of bad art along the way 🙂
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It can be enlightening to see the progression in one’s writing from the perspective of time. Sometimes though, I there’s a gem that I am in awe of from my earlier days and I think I won’t be able to write anything that good ever again.
I am also impressed that your latest venture is drawing. I suppose that would complement your animation skills?
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