Weekly Quote
Peace of Mind comes from a change in Attitude, NOT a change in circumstances
- Anon
When we judge or criticize others, we create distance between us, but if we stop judging and analyzing people, we get closer to them.
The Taoists say, ” it is possible to appreciate people for their uniqueness – like you might enjoy a certain song.
You don’t have to analyse and pull it apart.”
Criticism and judging is hammered into us at school, and is particularly good for analyzing literature and scientific thought; however, is much less useful in our everyday life and creates unwanted tension.
If we judge people and situations and complain about others, we sabotage our own peace of mind in that we allow ourselves to be disturbed that things are not as they “should be.” The resultant tension often means we search for a way to control external uncontrollable circumstances. Nurturing flexibility and acceptance makes it easier to just let things be.
Weekly Proverb – Sweden
När man talar om trollen!… (så står de i farstun)
– Swedish Proverb
Translation: When you talk about trolls!… (they stand in the hall).
(When the subject of a conversation unexpectedly shows up/happens.)
What do you think about critical opinion and the Swedish proverb.
Is it relevant to our daily life?
Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.
Everyone’s opinion is valid.
What is yours?
Something to Ponder About 
I think you’re right. We are so quick to judge.. and of ourselves the hardest. Taking time to understand is such a gift.
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Thank you for sharing your opinion, Nova. And very perceptive of you to notice we judge ourselves harshly. Whilst judging seems to be a knee jerk reaction to circumstances, people or things, that are different or unexpected, do you think we can learn through practice an alternative way of thinking about them. Much as cbt training might change thinking patterns from unrealitic to realistic or negative to positive? Coming from a negative family atmosphere, it took me some time and I am still working on it to create new reactions and thinking patterns so that I could see the glass was half full, not always half empty.
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It is a hard thing to master, but when you criticize other people, you are allowing them to dominate your thoughts, so they are more important than you in your own mind. It is better to first turn the critical eye on yourself, and then figure out why you are worth being loved, because of course you are, just like the person you criticized.
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Ooo. That is good thinking, Cindy! Very wise suggestion of a different view of criticism. One that helps us question the emotion we feel. Rather than scolding us for a wrongdoing, you ask us why we are giving airtime to those folk in our heads. Why allow them in? Thank you!
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My favourite comment is about appreciating people for their uniqueness. There are a few exceptions (Drumpf for example), but mostly it applies across the board.
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“Peace of Mind comes from a change in Attitude, NOT a change in circumstances”. This one resonates big time. If you change how you look at things, the thing changes. It’s the most profound experience to see it happen. You have hit the nail on the head once more. Just like the trolls. If you bring them to mind with your thoughts of judgement, they are as real to your presence as if they are standing there in material form. Do it long enough, they will be actually standing there. It’s like when you think of someone long enough, they telephone you. 😉 It’s all energy. I can observe how someone does life differently from what I would do, but unless they are going to do harm to someone, it’s not my place to interfere in their life path. Everyone and everything has a reason to be, we just don’t see the full scope of things.
I’ve missed a few of these lately. It’s been a month of being behind and that’s where I’ll be for a while. Have a Happy Christmas, Amanda if I don’t get back here before then.
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It is a powerful thing to be able to see another perspective, because when we do, we might start to feel differently inside. Attitude seems to be the ‘parent’ to our thinking. Paradoxically though, it seems we can control our attitude, if we really want to!!
And when we can’t seem to change our attitude, we must then ask ourselves, “Do we really want to change our attitude?” Or, ” is there something inside us that is deliberately holding us back?” Such as resentment towards that person for some past wrong doing, perhaps?
In these instances, it might require us to be quite determined to see the flip side of our judgemental thoughts. Once we can muster that resolve, magic can happen. As you mentioned, it is often about energy. Coincidences might therefore be more energy based than we realize? Do you agree?
Thank you so very much for your fantastic contributions to the discussions each week, Marlene. I have gained so much valuable insight from your wisdom!
Merry Xmas to you and your family, Marlene! I hope 2019 is the best year you could imagine!
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You open some really great conversations with your quotes, Amanda. You post them with an open mind which makes it even more flavorful. Most people have their minds made up about everything but you seem open to new ideas which makes it more conducive to conversation.
I have been around a very long time and traveled a path of hills and valleys. The more open I have been, the more I have learned. Most people are frightened of the true answer of who we are. I’m still grappling with it. There are no coincidences. Because we are creative energy, we write the script of our life and can change it in a heartbeat. What we think and speak is more important than anyone realizes. But you know that old saying, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I’ve had that happen for me so much in life. As I became more open and discerning, I found that the old ideas were no longer working. This is a conversation that could go on for ages but you have to ask the questions first. If I gave you the answers first, you wouldn’t be willing to hear them. That I know from experience. 🙂 Have a wonderfilled week, Amanda. 🙂
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A very poetic annd complimentary response, Marlene! Thank you! You add so much more depth to the discussions. Three things I liked and stood out from your comment. ‘We write the script of our lives and can change it. ‘The old saying: when the student is ready, the teacher will appear!’ So very true! I have not ever heard that one, but I think it is bang on!! I see it all around me. It kind of gives me a feeling of not to push things too early, as they will fall into place, when it is time. Why then do we feel impatient, when rvrnys and issues will sort themselves out!!
And finally: you have, ‘traveled a path of hills and valleys’ – indeed life is so like that and recognizing and understanding this ‘bigger picture’ would avoid many of the concerns we might have about making right and perfect every imperfect situation or feeling. This is not to say we can sit back and back and become apathetic. Where there is corruption, crime it Injustice,we should absolutely speak out and advocate for change, however internally, those words of yours seem to suggest we do not have to turn these thoughts of discontent, over and over in our mind, as it will happen as it does albeit with some influence from us.
As regards an open mind, I want so open when I was younger, but I do love learning and I very quickly found out that a closed mind never learns anything, never grows or changes. That is, in a way, like a quasi death in spirit and in mind. It is always a stimulating conversation with you, Marlene. I hope your week is filled with joy!!
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Three thoughtful sayings this week, Amanda. The quote reminds me of how we can usually change our attitudes, choices and reactions but can’t change our circumstances. To change our attitudes, we probably need a good grasp of what we are feeling and why, and know how to keep these emotions in check. Sometimes we might be biased in certain situations, and in that case can we really change our choices – I guess this is a matter of heart vs rationality.
It is so easy to judge others, and I think many of us judge because we think we know something and have been conditioned to think a certain way all our lives. I also think sometimes we judge because we don’t listen or don’t make the effort to listen and instead jump ahead to conclusions.
The Sweden proverb: that reminds me of gossiping, and if you talk to someone and they show up, it’s speak of the devil. Talk about trolls often means talking about others, and others might be closer than you realise and might overhear. Or someone might overhear and know the person you’re talking about and so word of mouth travels. That said, I think you have to pick the right time and place to do so or if not, be discrete. Or maybe not talk about others at all. Then again, when we talk about others, it’s also a chance to compare ourselves to others and see where we are at – not saying we should all copy others but it’s a chance to reflect upon ourselves against the greater world and find meaning in who we are and what we do.
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The troll saying from your culture is very close to an American saying “Speak of the devil and you talk him up.” So many of these aphorisms or axioms have their roots in such Universal Truth. And, more importantly, in human fear and frustrations. I think judging others–especially in harsh terms–comes from a deeper root of jealousy or “fear of the Other.” You’d think that we’d all feel more of a global community now that we have so much technology to link us, but there will always be those who fear change and a sort of loss.
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Thanks so much for adding to the discussion, Nance. Change is so very difficult for some of us, whilst others crave change! Life revolves around change every day. We get older each and every day, our bodies change each and every day, little bit by little bit, people around us and things change, deteriorate, become refashioned or reborn every day, Why is it so difficult to accept? I think you mentioned a sense of loss in relation to jealousy and judging. But I wonder also if it is that change brings a lack of control that they seek which gives them a sense of security – and some need more security than others. As for judging,I agree with you on the paradox of technology bringing connections albeit without that feeling of closeness we get from personal contact and experiences, and that “fear of the other,” as you say, is deep rooted, but can we say it is learned or innate behaviour?
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