Community, Mental Health, Philosophy

Sunday Sayings – Holding on

Weekly Proverb

“Insignificant damage accumulates.”

Strauss, Emmanuel (1994). Dictionary of European Proverbs, Volym 1. Routledge.

Weekly Quote

“It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.”

Jim Rohn
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I read this somewhere: Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t. 

When someone repeatedly hurts you over and over again, you might have to accept the fact that they don’t really care about you.

That is hard to contemplate or hear, especially if you really care about them but sometimes it is necessary for you to hear this in order for you to let them go. 

Do NOT strive to impress them any further. Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them. Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them ever again.

Give yourself permission to let those folk go from your life……

A sobering thought for Sunday Sayings.

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

47 thoughts on “Sunday Sayings – Holding on”

    1. Pray excuse me a moment of possibly not-quite-fitting unsobriety, but … that reminds me entirely too much of “whack-a-mole”… 😉
      Not that I don’t sympathize with the feeling – I have felt like that too altogether too many times…

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  1. I’m sorry that you had to do it but clearly you had. Another reason why someone would wish to hurt someone they love is because they are sadomasochistic and enjoy hurting and causing hurt, especially to the ones they care for. And nobody is forced to bear this kind of behaviour, even if it is done out of love.

    It must be hard but do not dwell on it. Find joy in little things, you know how to. It’s what we owe to ourselves. All well to you.

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        1. No it didn’t happen to me. It was just a topic of discussion and I was trying to find the right words that could be said that might help this friend through their difficult situation.

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  2. I found this post especially pertinent to me right now, as I realized a few weeks ago that I needed to end a 30+ year friendship with someone. In the days of B.F. (Before Facebook), this one man had been a ubiquitous presence in my life. I’d always counted him as one of my few very close friends. I’m not that outgoing or personable. In fact, I really don’t care much for people. I suppose that’s a result of growing up shy and introverted. My parents never could understand that part of my psyche, as they made friends easily and willingly.

    My relationship with this one particular friend is unique because our respective fathers grew up together in Dallas in the 1940s and 50s. His father died in 2004, and mine died 3 ½ years ago. I had attended to his father’s funeral, and he attended my father’s memorial service, along with his younger sister.

    As much as we have in common, we’ve had some serious disagreements on certain issues. But he often has the tendency to get extremely personal with people by dragging their families into the discourse. We were each very close to our respective fathers, so one would think he’d know better. I believe he feels he has the right to do so, simply because we’re good friends. But he often has an air of intellectual superiority.

    If, for example, I mention that I encountered a particular dilemma, he’d always describe how he would have handled the situation. And, of course, his solution or response is always better. I was always quick to point out, however, that he wasn’t caught up in that situation like me; thus, it was easy for him to hear about everything that happened and then point out what he felt was wrong with my reaction. He’d always say, “That’s what I would have done.”

    Recently, though, he criticized my family doctor – a man he’s never met – over his treatment for my allergies. My friend then dragged my father into the discussion by claiming my doctor was used to treating my father, which I can only assume, means his regimen was too archaic or old-school. I reminded him that needed to leave my family about any it – to which he replied by saying (via email) that I was clearly upset and so he’d leave me alone.

    Now I’ve decided privately to ensure that distance is maintained until the end of time. I haven’t told him yet, although I suppose I should. I was very close to my father and I’m still getting over his death. It’s unfortunate I have to end a decades-old friendship. But he got too personal and was too disrespectful. You just don’t pull someone’s family into a conversation, unless that conversation centers on family matters.

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    1. I hear that you are very disappointed, Alejandro, and I find it is a little surprising that this friend of so many years, did not know you better. Although friendship is a funny thing sometimes. This guy sounds like he thought you benefitted and possibly also welcomed his thoughts on matters in your life, and never picked up on the signals that you were not comfortable with that. A shame because he has now lost your friendship. And it is painful for you too, having to make the decision that it is best for you to step away. Would you say that in his desire to give you some “helpful” advice, ( which was actually disrespectful), he was thinking without empathy?

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      1. I never could tell whether or not he behaved out of misguided empathy or a sense of intellectual superiority. In another example, he suddenly felt the need to help me with my formal career resume. He suggested I go to his house on a Saturday afternoon where he would review it and then go out on a pre-planned lunch with someone. He added (via email) that I could improve my resume based upon “my recommendations”, while he was on his date. I emailed him the resume, telling him that, since he already felt it needed improvement, he could review it beforehand, and we wouldn’t even need to meet in person. I don’t recall exactly how he responded, but I never did go over to his house just for that purpose.

        He did ask one time a while back why I liked having him as a friend, since I’m somewhat misanthropic, and I told him I didn’t know. Although most of my jobs in the past centered on interpersonal communications, I’m not a people person. I’m more than a little cynical at times. It’s why I don’t feel bad, for example, for someone who consumes large quantities of alcohol their entire lives and develops cirrhosis of the liver. Or why I have little sympathy for people who engage in reckless sexual behavior and come down with AIDS. I wrote about the latter in a blog post several years ago, which made me a virtual parhia in the Dallas gay community. I didn’t care because I know I’m right about that.

        The other day my friend invited me (via text) to his home for Christmas lunch; adding “be here”, as if I had no choice. It apparently didn’t dawn on him that I might have other plans – which I do – or that I won’t leave my mother alone here at the house, while I go out.

        All of this may seem overly dramatic, but the moment he dragged my father – again – into a discussion was the final slap for me. I’m still not certain if I actually want to end the friendship altogether or just keep my distance from him for a while. I’ll just see where things go in the near future.

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        1. I think he sounds like he is quite ignorant of your sensitivities and if you have been friends that long, it seems hard to understand why he would not have picked up that he should not speak of your father in certain ways.
          As for his strange behaviour with the resume – it is just that. Strange, but perhaps he is a little out of the box himself?
          I agree with your that we all have choices in life and with that choice, comes the unalterable fact that we must accept the consequences of our actions and not try to move the responsibility or blame sideways.
          Having said that, Alejandro, I would like to thank you for our lively discussion over the past year! It is always a pleasure to read your comments! Keep writing – I know you will! See you in the blogosphere in 2020!

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  3. Like many of the other commenters here, I felt deeply uneasy by reading the proverb this week, Amanda. And I am sorry for the circumstances you seem to describe. Yes, I know it very well – insignificant damage does accrue. Though to some extend, it only does so if you actually allows it to. Once you realise what is happening, it is important to face up to it and bring it out into the open. Either that – or you should indeed close that door.
    I have done both, at various times, and believe me – you will be the better for it. Trying to ignore it … won’t work. Not in the long run.
    Of the two, shutting the door is by far the easiest and also the most permanent solution. But the cost can be high, emotionally and personally. But if the other part cannot actually see the problem, then that becomes the only actual option.
    And I am sorry, for I wish I had a better way out to offer you.

    On another note, I do hope that you and your loved ones will have a wonderful and heartwarming Christmas. Despite all this, and despite the sad situation in Australia right now. I read your other post about the Prime Minister as well, though I actually knew about that even before, and I was horrified at the extent of the fires. I hope you and yours will remain safe.

    You have my best wishes, Amanda, for this and the coming year!
    The dragon will be back…

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    1. Firstly, I am thrilled to hear that you will be back with your very thought -provoking and educational posts! I have learnt so much via them and our discussions.
      Secondly, this post relatesnot to me, but to someone close to me. Even though I have experienced this situation in my life, and it was absolutely necessary, the emotional toll was immense and I think it is best if this decision to let go is not to be taken lightly, especially if it is close family. For me, years ago, it was.
      Making peace, in your own way, with these situations by gaining some space, is a pro-active move. It allows one to process their thoughts and detach, which is often the hardest thing to do if that ‘other’ takes up a significant portion of one’s life. I watch this unfold from a distance. This individual that is close to me, suffers greatly, as there is no way that he can completely detach. He tries to let go, but can’t completely do that, because he craves closure. That closure will never come, I am afraid. That is the tragedy of the situation.
      The fire map that I posted was actually a little worse yesterday, but we live in hope that rain will magically come when the monsoons arrive in the North.
      Best wishes to you and yours for the festive season. Enjoy the small moments too.

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  4. Empowering sayings and explanation as well. Strangely, applies to a discussion my husband I were having just last night. And to a couple of people in my life I find myself getting entangled with emotionally, repeatedly. I have finally decided that I have had enough with them, and I am going to just let go…

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  5. I love the quote by Jim Rohn. And the other one is great too. I fully understand. Have been there before too many times and again just recently. I let go more easily these days. It’s often not about us but more about what they are going through and reflecting back at you. Moving forward is always best. Hang in there. I know how hard this is.

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  6. Thanks Marlene, I wrote this post in relation to someone close to me, about their particular life experience at the moment. But I can relate to feeling this way in the past. So you are absolutely spot on, moving forward is always best.

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  7. Hi Amanda! You know this topic well and so much healthy wisdom here.
    And liked the opening quote about setting the sails to utilize the wind – says so much about what we need to do to harness wellness and led into your topic with smoothness –

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yvette, I love the way you can always find something inspirational to comment. Your sails have been set to maximize that wind! Thank you for your visits and dialogue throughout 2019. It is so lovely to see a notification from you on my app! Everyone needs a dose of healthy wisdom or two. Have you got some plans for the New Year?

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      1. Hi – your comment brought a huge smile
        My way
        Thanks for
        Taking the time to say that edifying stuff.

        And regarding New Year’s Eve – the last three years the hubs and I have done something “formal” but this year we are doing casual ((still planning))
        And do you recall 20 years ago with Y2K? We were just talking about how we stayed home like a lot of folks did that year – so unsure about what would happen with y2k
        And we watched a Styx concert – not a top band for me but it was on and was part of the night 😉

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  8. Hi Forestwood, I used the beautiful quote by Jim Rohn from this post to work on a poem in a workshop on ‘found’ poetry. I hope it’s ok to publish my poem, with a link to your site?

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