The Spotlight Effect, Sales, Social Phobia and Anxiety

Research has shown that many people drastically overestimate the effect they have on others and surprisingly this so-called “Spotlight effect“, has relevance both for the way we select items for purchase, and for those folk who feel anxious in social situations.

The Anchoring Effect and Comparison

It has been observed in studies that when judging stimuli along a continuum, people tend to compare each stimulus with the first and last stimuli. In sales and marketing, this phenomenon, known as the anchoring effect, might be used to position a less expensive product alongside a more expensive counterpart.

Let’s say you are looking to buy a hair straightener.

There is a Breville hair straightener priced at $230 and beside it on the store’s shelf, sits a GHD brand styler, priced at $300.00. The recommended retail price of the Breville hair straightener might actually be $149, but the anchoring effect means many more customers will pay a higher than recommended for the Breville hair straightener. Why?

A less expensive brand product may be priced above its real value, but the expensively priced item positioned next to it, causes them to look favourably on the cheaper option, even though it might be way above its real worth.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

The expensive item is known as an “anchor”. The anchoring effect may also explain exponential increases in house prices in areas adjacent to premium real estate. People moving into an area compare house prices in surrounding suburbs and if they compare them to neighbouring premium properties, they will still assume they are getting a bargain, due to a skewed comparison.

But how does this relate to anxiety?

Social Anxiety and Self-Perceptions

The spotlight effect is an extension of the anchoring and adjustment phenomena which suggests a person uses their own internal feelings of anxiety and the accompanying self-representation as an ANCHOR.

In a similar scenario to the aforementioned incorrect comparison of the best value for money hair straighteners, a person insufficiently corrects for the fact that others are less privy to their internal anxious feelings than they are themselves. In so doing, they overestimate the extent to which their anxiety is obvious to onlookers.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

Social Phobia

Clark and Wells (1995) suggest that socially phobic people enter social situations in a heightened self-focused state, namely, from a raised emotional anchor. This self-focused state makes it difficult for individuals to set aside public and private self-knowledge to focus on the task.^[5]

The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are.

Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others is uncommon. The reason for the spotlight effect is the innate tendency to forget that although one is the center of one’s own world, one is not the center of everyone else’s. This tendency is especially prominent when one does something atypical.^[1]Wikipedia

In group settings, like a class lecture or athletic competition, attention is divided between focusing on the individual and on the actions of the group. The inability to identify the split attention leads individuals to overestimate the likelihood that their peers will perceive them poorly.^[7]They may overestimate the extent to which their contributions make an impact on those around them.

If an individual is merely an observer in a group, the spotlight effect is NOT overestimated as the audience’s attention is upon the presenter or main performer.

Awareness of how our perceptions work can save a lot of needless embarrassment and anxiety! It may also save you money!

Improving Communication and Problem Solving

Recently we’ve been looking at sayings and ways to look at solving problems.

How many times has someone vented about their problems and a likely response is, “Why don’t you just xxx….[insert their suggested solution]. Notwithstanding there are occasions when someone does directly asks for advice, the act of suggesting solutions to others, rarely succeeds in solving the other’s problems.

Why?

The diplomat, Dag Hammarskjold said:

Not knowing the question,

It was easy for him

To give the answer.

Robert Bolton, People Skills, [1987]

Giving Advice

We seldom understand the full complexity of another person’s situation. In conversations, we only receive basic facts and have no real way of determining the most appropriate course of action for someone else, without knowing the complete picture of what is going on for them and the associated ramifications of suggestions.

Certain ways of responding to friends can even hamper conversations, may trigger feelings of inadequacy, anger or perhaps dependency. The other person might become angry, submissive, argumentative or be very resistant to change.

Ever wondered why this is so?

Responding with solutions, in these situations, often shuts down productive conversation and discourages the person from discovering their own solution. Dispensing solution focused advice may often be seen by the other person as an insult to their intelligence. It’s implying the solution is blatantly obvious and they are incapable of solving their own problems!

Furthermore, we are most likely to bring to the table our own bias, history and prejudices. What works for one person may never work for another.

Logical Advice and Argument

When emotions are heightened, referring to the logical thing to do, or logical solutions, may only serve to infuriate or frustrate the other person. It can alienate a conversation by creating distance between people for they interpret those words as conveying a lack of empathy or a failing to understand.

Logical options rely on facts, and typically disregards discussion of a person’s emotions. When people have problems, their feelings are at the forefront of their minds. Dealing with their emotional response in the first instance, might allow for some brainstorming logical pathways at a later time.

Diverting the Conversation

Some of us are so uncomfortable hearing of another person’s difficulties, we might change the subject or divert the conversation away from the difficult topic and towards one that is more palatable or comfortable.

Enhancing Conversation

So we know what doesn’t work. What can help enhance conversations and others in regard to problem solving?

#1 Listening

Nurturing the person’s ability to determine their own solution by being a sounding board for their thoughts and frustrations.

#2 Ask Open Ended Questions

The old advice of using open ended questions can help.

Start with How, What, Why, Where and Who. Something that allows the person an opportunity to explain a little more, rather than a straight yes or no answer, which might block further dialogue.

#Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing the other person’s thoughts back to them summarizes the problem. In this way, you might rephrase the issue to check you have heard hem and understood their situation correctly. If you haven’t, this gives the other person a chance to clarify things.

What have you tried already?

Worldly Wisdom

 No one can climb a tree with no branches

– Finnish proverb

Birch Trees in Helsinki, Finland

What do you think the underlying message says. Does it refer to the support of friends and family that folk find so essential to personal growth and development?

Or, could it refer to the many divergent paths one might consider, or does take throughout life, before we reach our ultimate destination or end goal?

I often find there is profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages, to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

.

Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears

~ Demi Lovato (Actress and Singer Song-writer)

Source Credit: http://www.cuded.com

This theme of this week’s  quotes is power, not raw power, but rather that power of the self, as an entity, that power we find within ourselves.

The less effort, the faster and more powerful

you will be

~ Bruce Lee

We have nothing to lose by trusting the infinite power

of the Self, except the bondage of our own ignorance

~ Mata Amritanandamayi Devi

First World Problems

And finally there are these words:

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now.

How?

By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged.   Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

–Dale Carnegie

Linking to Friendly Friday’s Smiles Challenge

Sharing one’s perspective increases understanding.

Criticism and Feeling Positive

 Gode ord skal du hogge i berg, de dårligere i snø.

Carve your good words in stone, the bad in snow.

Old Norwegian Proverb

I do love the way old words of wisdom offer us a way forward when we are stuck in our heads, with thoughts that do us no good at all.

Old proverbs offer us succinct suggestions and have many layers of interpretation, if we are open to listening.

Not only does the Norwegian proverb relate to criticism of others, it might also give us advice on how we view ourselves and how we react to criticism from other people.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Criticism from Others

Is it possible to eliminate criticism?

Du kan unngå kritikk ved ikke å si noe, ikke å gjøre noe
og ikke å være noe.

You can escape criticism by not saying anything,

by not doing anything and becoming nothing.

Danish Proverb

The only way to escape criticism entirely is to follow the Danish proverb’s advice.

Accepting that there will always be people who criticize, regardless of what you do or how well you do it, is something we might have to hear, but not something we have to internalize.

If you say you want to be a dancer, they will discredit your rhythm.  If you say you want to build a new business, they will give you a dozen reasons why it might not work.  They somehow assume you don’t have what it takes, but they are dead wrong.

It’s a lot easier to be negative than positive – a lot easier to be critical than correct.

Spend time with Positive people.

Wise words from Marc and Angel.

Proverbial Friday – Worldly Wisdom

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

Wherever you go, you can’t get rid of yourself.

~Polish proverb

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

“Mistakes are part of life, everyone makes them, everyone regrets them.

But, some learn from them and some end up making them again.

It’s up to you to decide if you’ll use your mistakes to your advantage.”

~ Meredith Sapp

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy,

and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life;

they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.”

~ Gretchen Rubin

How do you deal with guilty feelings or guilt manipulation from others?

Are you explaining yourself to others? Or are you your own judge?

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

 

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

 

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

 

A bad dancer blames the hem of her skirt.

 

 

You rest the way you have made your bed.

 

~  Polish Proverbs

 

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Something from the Master of Basic Needs, Maslow, for us to ponder over.

 

 

 

“You will either step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

– Maslow

 

 

 

There seems to be an ever – increasing temptation in society to lay blame, as the Polish proverb refers, in the event of something going wrong. We seem to abrogate our responsibility by finding blame, or highlighting those responsible. Can admitting our failures make us appear weak?

An accident can never be as such…..

How are your bed sheets looking? Do you ready to sleep on smooth, orderly bed linen, or bury yourself comfortably in a tangled chaos?

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to join in the discussion, by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

 

And, how do you see Maslow’s quote on safety and growth? 

Can these qualities operate simultaneously or are they oppositional?

Sharing one’s perspective may increase our understanding.

 

Now posting on Fridays

 

Something to Ponder About on Fridays

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

 

 

 

Talking comes by nature; silence by wisdom.

Silence has so much meaning.

 

– Native American Indian Proverbs

 

 

 

Whilst thinking about this week’s wisdom, I started to think how often people get upset over others’ remarks. Time and again, people take offence at comments like:

“Don’t you eat a lot.”

Or,

“That’s planning ahead!”

Or,

“We all know you married him for his money.”

These things are often said out of a lack of understanding, jealousy or perhaps, even to get a reaction. They might even be said to incite support for a personal attack on you. Whatever the motive, do you use the wisdom of silence, that the Native American proverb alludes to, or do you contradict, reason or even agree in a good-natured way?

Do you find you have to explain your feelings to others, or justify yourself and your actions?

As the proverb says, silence has so much meaning, and wisdom.

When a relative complains that you are, “always taking holidays,” do you normally argue, or agree with them and say, “yep, I love holidays.”

When someone says, “you sure are wasting money on that jet ski.” Do you start to explain yourself,  get angry, or say, “Yeh, I hate cheap jet skis.”

Do you allow yourself to be upset over people’s remarks?

Only little people make nasty remarks and only little people take offence. Be a big person

– Andrew Matthews

 

 

 

 

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to share your perspective by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

Are the sayings relevant in your life?

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

Proverbial Friday

 

Even a small mouse has anger

– Native American Indian Proverb

 

 

On a family law practice window:

 

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

~ Marilyn Monroe

 

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader.

Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

Lastly, this week, this enigmatic quote:

 

“Anger punishes itself.”

 

When we get irritated with others, it seems easy to sub-consciously blame them for our unhappiness. We think that we’re not happy and it must be their fault. Or perhaps we get to be martyrs thinking – we are okay and they (obviously), are not.

Have we considered that everyone has different temperaments and different priorities, because everyone IS different?

Some people shout and scream, whilst others show little emotion,

some never open up,

some are notoriously late,

some never get excited about anything,

others won’t spend a cent without much thought whilst another is a spendthrift.

The challenge is to respect others enough to allow them to experience life as they choose. We can still enjoy their uniqueness, however different their values might be from our own.

If they are so very different from us, it is a great opportunity to learn something and to appreciate others for who they are. We touched on this in last week’s post, particularly, in the comments section.

Setting aside one’s prejudices is not easy, but to do so can enrich one’s life! Try it for one day/one week/one month!

 

How do you handle people who “get your back up,” or who are so different from yourself?

 

What do you think of Marilyn’s words? Do they speak about modern life?

 

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment.

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

 

Now posting on Fridays

 

Every Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. I hope you will too.

Proverbial Friday –

Something challenging to Ponder About