Improving Communication and Problem Solving

Recently we’ve been looking at sayings and ways to look at solving problems.

How many times has someone vented about their problems and a likely response is, “Why don’t you just xxx….[insert their suggested solution]. Notwithstanding there are occasions when someone does directly asks for advice, the act of suggesting solutions to others, rarely succeeds in solving the other’s problems.

Why?

The diplomat, Dag Hammarskjold said:

Not knowing the question,

It was easy for him

To give the answer.

Robert Bolton, People Skills, [1987]

Giving Advice

We seldom understand the full complexity of another person’s situation. In conversations, we only receive basic facts and have no real way of determining the most appropriate course of action for someone else, without knowing the complete picture of what is going on for them and the associated ramifications of suggestions.

Certain ways of responding to friends can even hamper conversations, may trigger feelings of inadequacy, anger or perhaps dependency. The other person might become angry, submissive, argumentative or be very resistant to change.

Ever wondered why this is so?

Responding with solutions, in these situations, often shuts down productive conversation and discourages the person from discovering their own solution. Dispensing solution focused advice may often be seen by the other person as an insult to their intelligence. It’s implying the solution is blatantly obvious and they are incapable of solving their own problems!

Furthermore, we are most likely to bring to the table our own bias, history and prejudices. What works for one person may never work for another.

Logical Advice and Argument

When emotions are heightened, referring to the logical thing to do, or logical solutions, may only serve to infuriate or frustrate the other person. It can alienate a conversation by creating distance between people for they interpret those words as conveying a lack of empathy or a failing to understand.

Logical options rely on facts, and typically disregards discussion of a person’s emotions. When people have problems, their feelings are at the forefront of their minds. Dealing with their emotional response in the first instance, might allow for some brainstorming logical pathways at a later time.

Diverting the Conversation

Some of us are so uncomfortable hearing of another person’s difficulties, we might change the subject or divert the conversation away from the difficult topic and towards one that is more palatable or comfortable.

Enhancing Conversation

So we know what doesn’t work. What can help enhance conversations and others in regard to problem solving?

#1 Listening

Nurturing the person’s ability to determine their own solution by being a sounding board for their thoughts and frustrations.

#2 Ask Open Ended Questions

The old advice of using open ended questions can help.

Start with How, What, Why, Where and Who. Something that allows the person an opportunity to explain a little more, rather than a straight yes or no answer, which might block further dialogue.

#Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing the other person’s thoughts back to them summarizes the problem. In this way, you might rephrase the issue to check you have heard hem and understood their situation correctly. If you haven’t, this gives the other person a chance to clarify things.

What have you tried already?

Worldly Wisdom

 No one can climb a tree with no branches

– Finnish proverb

Birch Trees in Helsinki, Finland

What do you think the underlying message says. Does it refer to the support of friends and family that folk find so essential to personal growth and development?

Or, could it refer to the many divergent paths one might consider, or does take throughout life, before we reach our ultimate destination or end goal?

I often find there is profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages, to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

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Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears

~ Demi Lovato (Actress and Singer Song-writer)

Source Credit: http://www.cuded.com

This theme of this week’s  quotes is power, not raw power, but rather that power of the self, as an entity, that power we find within ourselves.

The less effort, the faster and more powerful

you will be

~ Bruce Lee

We have nothing to lose by trusting the infinite power

of the Self, except the bondage of our own ignorance

~ Mata Amritanandamayi Devi

First World Problems

And finally there are these words:

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now.

How?

By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged.   Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

–Dale Carnegie

Linking to Friendly Friday’s Smiles Challenge

Sharing one’s perspective increases understanding.

Criticism and Feeling Positive

 Gode ord skal du hogge i berg, de dårligere i snø.

Carve your good words in stone, the bad in snow.

Old Norwegian Proverb

I do love the way old words of wisdom offer us a way forward when we are stuck in our heads, with thoughts that do us no good at all.

Old proverbs offer us succinct suggestions and have many layers of interpretation, if we are open to listening.

Not only does the Norwegian proverb relate to criticism of others, it might also give us advice on how we view ourselves and how we react to criticism from other people.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Criticism from Others

Is it possible to eliminate criticism?

Du kan unngå kritikk ved ikke å si noe, ikke å gjøre noe
og ikke å være noe.

You can escape criticism by not saying anything,

by not doing anything and becoming nothing.

Danish Proverb

The only way to escape criticism entirely is to follow the Danish proverb’s advice.

Accepting that there will always be people who criticize, regardless of what you do or how well you do it, is something we might have to hear, but not something we have to internalize.

If you say you want to be a dancer, they will discredit your rhythm.  If you say you want to build a new business, they will give you a dozen reasons why it might not work.  They somehow assume you don’t have what it takes, but they are dead wrong.

It’s a lot easier to be negative than positive – a lot easier to be critical than correct.

Spend time with Positive people.

Wise words from Marc and Angel.

Proverbial Friday – Worldly Wisdom

 

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

 

 

Wherever you go, you can’t get rid of yourself.

 

~Polish proverb

 

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

“Mistakes are part of life, everyone makes them, everyone regrets them.

But, some learn from them and some end up making them again.

It’s up to you to decide if you’ll use your mistakes to your advantage.”

 

~ Meredith Sapp

 

 

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy,

and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life;

they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.”

 

~ Gretchen Rubin

 

How do you deal with guilty feelings or guilt manipulation from others?

Are you explaining yourself to others? Or are you your own judge?

 

 

 

 

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

 

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

 

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

 

A bad dancer blames the hem of her skirt.

 

 

You rest the way you have made your bed.

 

~  Polish Proverbs

 

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Something from the Master of Basic Needs, Maslow, for us to ponder over.

 

 

 

“You will either step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

– Maslow

 

 

 

There seems to be an ever – increasing temptation in society to lay blame, as the Polish proverb refers, in the event of something going wrong. We seem to abrogate our responsibility by finding blame, or highlighting those responsible. Can admitting our failures make us appear weak?

An accident can never be as such…..

How are your bed sheets looking? Do you ready to sleep on smooth, orderly bed linen, or bury yourself comfortably in a tangled chaos?

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to join in the discussion, by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

 

And, how do you see Maslow’s quote on safety and growth? 

Can these qualities operate simultaneously or are they oppositional?

Sharing one’s perspective may increase our understanding.

 

Now posting on Fridays

 

Something to Ponder About on Fridays

Proverbial Friday – Timeless Wisdom

 

 

 

Talking comes by nature; silence by wisdom.

Silence has so much meaning.

 

– Native American Indian Proverbs

 

 

 

Whilst thinking about this week’s wisdom, I started to think how often people get upset over others’ remarks. Time and again, people take offence at comments like:

“Don’t you eat a lot.”

Or,

“That’s planning ahead!”

Or,

“We all know you married him for his money.”

These things are often said out of a lack of understanding, jealousy or perhaps, even to get a reaction. They might even be said to incite support for a personal attack on you. Whatever the motive, do you use the wisdom of silence, that the Native American proverb alludes to, or do you contradict, reason or even agree in a good-natured way?

Do you find you have to explain your feelings to others, or justify yourself and your actions?

As the proverb says, silence has so much meaning, and wisdom.

When a relative complains that you are, “always taking holidays,” do you normally argue, or agree with them and say, “yep, I love holidays.”

When someone says, “you sure are wasting money on that jet ski.” Do you start to explain yourself,  get angry, or say, “Yeh, I hate cheap jet skis.”

Do you allow yourself to be upset over people’s remarks?

Only little people make nasty remarks and only little people take offence. Be a big person

– Andrew Matthews

 

 

 

 

I welcome your thoughts and invite you to share your perspective by leaving a comment, on your interpretation of the proverb.

Are the sayings relevant in your life?

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

Proverbial Friday

 

Even a small mouse has anger

– Native American Indian Proverb

 

 

On a family law practice window:

 

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

~ Marilyn Monroe

 

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader.

Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

 

Lastly, this week, this enigmatic quote:

 

“Anger punishes itself.”

 

When we get irritated with others, it seems easy to sub-consciously blame them for our unhappiness. We think that we’re not happy and it must be their fault. Or perhaps we get to be martyrs thinking – we are okay and they (obviously), are not.

Have we considered that everyone has different temperaments and different priorities, because everyone IS different?

Some people shout and scream, whilst others show little emotion,

some never open up,

some are notoriously late,

some never get excited about anything,

others won’t spend a cent without much thought whilst another is a spendthrift.

The challenge is to respect others enough to allow them to experience life as they choose. We can still enjoy their uniqueness, however different their values might be from our own.

If they are so very different from us, it is a great opportunity to learn something and to appreciate others for who they are. We touched on this in last week’s post, particularly, in the comments section.

Setting aside one’s prejudices is not easy, but to do so can enrich one’s life! Try it for one day/one week/one month!

 

How do you handle people who “get your back up,” or who are so different from yourself?

 

What do you think of Marilyn’s words? Do they speak about modern life?

 

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment.

Everyone’s opinion is important. What is yours?

 

Now posting on Fridays

 

Every Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. I hope you will too.

Proverbial Friday –

Something challenging to Ponder About

 

 

 

Proverbial Friday – Worldly Wisdom

May you taste your words before you spit them out

~ Irish Proverb

Several years ago, I created ‘Proverbial Friday’ on my blog.

I became fascinated with traditional proverbs and sayings, their metaphorical layers and the many different interpretations found within just a few, succinct words. I marveled at their ability to transcend race, religion, opinions and age.

Mostly anonymous, proverbs are a portal through time, to generations past and echo a diverse range of cultures.

They speak of the experiences of many lessons learned and thousands of lives already lived.

They offer us knowledge; knowledge that is passed to us in much the same way relay runners might pass a baton. Once it’s handed over, it is up to us what we do with it and how we pass it on.

Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

“Good people are found, not changed.”

~ Jim Rohn

Good people, the quote says! Who are they? Folks whose values approximate our own? Is having common values the intangible rope that draws us to certain people?

What makes us shy away from those who are different, or conversely, try to change those who think differently, or act differently to us?

Can we ever really know what past events have shaped an individual’s attitude or values? Even if those values clash with our own, is it still possible to learn something about them, if we can only set aside our prejudices?

Our lives might be richer for being more open.

How can we grow on a personal level, if we stick to just the “good” people and seek a monogamy of values?

Every Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying, as well as a Quote that I find thought-provoking. I invite you to join the discussion by leaving a comment on your own particular interpretation of the proverb.

Everyone’s opinion is important.

Sharing our perspectives increases the possibility for increased understanding.

What do you want to say?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Proverbial Friday – Something serious to Ponder About

Proverbial Friday – Global Wisdom

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Each Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. 

I hope you will too.

 

We deem those men remarkable who think as we do.

Great men are not always wise

Unknown

 

 

What do you make of this week’s sayings? Do you agree?

How do we define a wise man?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Now posting on Fridays

Proverbial Friday – Global Wisdoms

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Each Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. 

I hope you will too.

Another Polish Proverb in the series is up for discussion this week.

What reaches the mother’s heart will only reach the father’s knees

~ Polish Proverb

This Week’s Quote

Continuing on with the theme of remaining grateful and positive, it sounds like Oprah Winfrey has also discovered this key to finding contentment.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.

If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

–Oprah Winfrey

I find the Polish proverb a little intriguing. Could it refer to the warm, nourishing nature of Mothers, and by contrast, the disciplinarian, less emotional style of parenting by some fathers? Or is that too simplistically gender specific? I don’t have a time frame to give this proverb a historical context, however I suspect it comes from an age long gone.

What explanation can you make of it?

Oprah clearly has much to be thankful for, but it is refreshing to hear a celebrity that is not so fixated on wealth or hungry for more.  What do you think?

Something Proverbial to Ponder About

Proverbial Friday – Global Words

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Each Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. 

I hope you will too.

 

 

Weekly Proverb

 

Continuing with our present series of Polish Proverbs, we have this unusual piece of advice:

 

‘​Watch the faces of those who bow low’

– Polish Proverb

 

What could this proverb be warning us about? Betrayal, Deceit?

What do you think?

Is it a proverb that is familiar to you?

 

 

Weekly Quote

 

This week, we have the following quote, which appears to relate to inciting motivation?

Do you agree?

 

Would Janet’s quote motivate you?

How do you find motivation when you are not really feeling it?

I invite you to leave a comment and join in the discussion.

 

 

 

Proverbial Friday giving you something motivational to ponder about

~ Amanda

 

 

Proverbial Friday – Global Wisdom

 

 

I find there to be profound wisdom in proverbs, sayings and quotes and I marvel at the way they are so succinct in communicating messages to the reader. Mostly anonymous, they come to us from past generations and from across cultures. They speak of the experiences of lives lived and lessons learned. Quotes, like proverbs, make us think more deeply about something.

Each Friday, I post a Proverb or Saying and a Quote that I find thought-provoking. 

I hope you will too.

 

 

One hand washes the other – Polish Proverb

 

 

What do you think this old proverb refers to?

That we should help those who are of our ilk, our neighbours, our community? Or does it refer to a mutually beneficial partnership, similar to “If you scratch my back, I will scratch yours?”

Perhaps it refers to being self reliant?  Naturally helping oneself?

Could it be a spurious saying to motivate those who tend to be lazy?

 

 

Criminals usually prey on weakness. They can smell it. ~ Steven Seagal

 

Can they indeed?

It has been suggested that some criminals are extremely intelligent, but choose to use their intelligence for nefarious purposes. These unscrupulous types take advantage of perceived weaknesses. Profiling seems to suggest that certain criminals have an instinct for selecting their victims? Could Steven Seagal be referring to this sense?

Join in the discussion by leaving a comment as to what these proverbs, saying or quotes mean to you. Have you heard them said before? In what context.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

Proverbial Friday

Now posting every Friday – Always Something to Ponder About

 

Self – Respect – Are we good enough for ourselves?

Self-respect

Self respect is a basic physiological need. If our basic needs for self- respect are not met, we  may become depressed, socially anxious, withdrawn or stressed. Marc and Angel has some thoughts on this matter this week:

If you ever felt you are not being good enough…

Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.

Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  That is all I can ever expect of anyone, including me.” 

Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes, because your mistakes mean you’re trying. It’s better to have a life full of small failures that you learned from, rather than a lifetime filled with the regrets of never trying. Have you ever seen a toddler learn to walk?  They stumble and fall numerous times before getting it right.  Mistakes are learning opportunities.  It takes failure after failure to create success.  So don’t let time pass you by like a hand waving from a train you desperately want to be on.  Don’t spend the rest of your life thinking about why you didn’t do what you can do right now.

If you feel like others are not treating you with love and respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you have subconsciously marked yourself down.

Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you are willing to accept for your time and attention. So get off the clearance rack.  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

Sound advice from Marc and Angel to ponder about.

Read more here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/09/18/7-things-fear-has-stolen-from-you/